Fearful of the Unknown.

I find that I am fearful of what kind of person I will become when and if I am cured or my OCD is resolved, because I have been like this since I was a child. Will I be different than the person I am if I have more confidence and less worry? I know it probably should make me happy to think these things will change, but I am scared that it will change me so much that I will lose my identity or personality, which is what I was protecting in the first place and one of the many reasons I have OCD now.

Because of the strictness of my life and the physical and emotional abuse I faced when I expressed emotions that were contrary to what my parents felt I should be expressing and because my parents were around so much and left me with hardly any choices to make for myself, I created a fantasy world that I lived in most of the time and still live in sometimes to this day. This I feel was to help me function like my parents wanted me to without losing my identity or my personality being something that they created or molded. (I hope that makes sense.)

I was very passive as a child and even though I feel like I've come a long way with changes I've made to my life, I am frightened that I will become a person that I don't want to be. I sort of like the person I am most of the time, except for my glitches, but I'm worried that when those glitches are controlled that I will not be me.

Please help if you can.

well, im no doctor Lyldelyn, but in my experience, there are core parts to personality that can only be removed by your choosing or surgery.... hang on to those things you love best about yourself

I agree with nohwereturn

I will tell you what - i read a book about read patient and even the "adventages" if there were any) of the disease stay. Only the trouble goes.

I think that this fear of yours is th emain reason why you haven`t cured yet

Learning to live without perfection is a good thing. I know it doesn't sound possible, nor wanted, but to not feel the necessity to have everything "just so" gives you a freedom you haven't known. Things can only be better without the constraints you have on yourself now, imo. TC!

We have a way, like water, of finding level within any container..even our most difficult challenges will find some balance,,if given time...

We are born with the basics and certainly adopt aspects of character along the way...some are by choice others are passed as gifts from caregivers as we are dependents...

But I think Nietzsche said once when speaking to a man about his desire for complete change...

"Be carefull of the demons that you toss aside,,,for they may be the best part of you"

IMHO.

Lenny

Thank you all for commenting. I'm so new to being diagnosed and I've had this since childhood, it seems as though I wouldn't be able to be different. I've been in therapy for a month now, so I know that many things have been layered and layered in my mind for many years and it will take a while for me to change. However, I just hope that when I do, I won't lose the thing I've tried so hard to protect.

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_Sky said:
Learning to live without perfection is a good thing. I know it doesn't sound possible, nor wanted, but to not feel the necessity to have everything "just so" gives you a freedom you haven't known. Things can only be better without the constraints you have on yourself now, imo. TC!

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I never thought of it this way. It doesn't sound possible right now, but it would be really cool if that was the case at some point. I would love that sort of freedom and I think my shoulders would be a lot less tense too.

I will have to keep thinking about this and make sure to mention it to my therapist next week.