Words That Sabotage

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Until I read your post Myzen, I had just assumed you were female!

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Hi silver_queen,

No problem, I'm often told that I have a well developed feminine side and take it as a complement.

I checked your photos. My favourite is Dexter, reminding me of a German shepherd I once had.

Cheers, Myzen

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They like to peddle this crap in a ton of different forms but they all boil down to the same thing: blaming YOU for EVERYTHING, including things you have no control over that don't even originate inside yourself. And I suspect they peddle it because someone crushed them out with it when they were little, and that's all they know how to do, that's what poison they imbibed as "reality" in their lives.

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Excellent words Malady. Here is something positive. The people who screwed us were not happy. I know it''s hard to empathise through the pain, but if we go back as objectively as we can, the picture is pretty clear.

Someone who has to hit on their own kid to get some relief is not at peace with themselves. My father never went more than 12 hours without a trigger and then lashing out. When he was terminally ill his own brother wouldn't go into the room to visit with him, so I guess there was a dark history there.

I really believe that we are better than what went before us. We are sharing our feelings, coming clean about the negative patterns in us. They couldn't even start, because they couldn't go there.

This thread has shown how deep the hurt goes when we internalise it, but those insulting words that keep coming up are not our words, they were (as you rightly said) put there.
At some point, we have to take them out and put them down somewhere.

In my own case the word 'bad'. No, that word doesn't describe me.

Good thoughts, Myzen

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I wasn't allowed to have anger either, though. I got hit more when I got angry. My dad tried to provoke anger in me (by harassing me and saying mean things) because he thought it was funny when I got mad, but if I did get mad, I got, first: laughed at, then: punished. I was supposed to play pretend like everything was ok, so I kept everything inside of me and directed all my anger inside, at myself. That's where my negative self-talk seems to come from.

Angela

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<font color=" green">I wasn't allowed to be angry either, my mother would knock me down by slapping me in the face to get me 'to wipe that expression of my face.' Yeah, I was that suppressed that only my expression would show anything. All my mad became scared, was the only safe expression of emotion in my childhood home. I am slowly learning to be appropiately angry, and trying to find ways to let out the years of rage I have buried so well

Dalila -- I wasn't usually hit but I was often told to "wipe that expression off my face."

As if I knew what the offensive expression was. What am I -- Jim Carrey practicing my next mug for the camera?

I'm not saying that children can't make unpleasant faces are parents and other grown-ups. But I suspect that whatever was showing on my face was more blank than anything else. Even today, in middle age, I am told that I am intimidating, distant, forbidding, and I'm pretty sure it's because I had so much practice hiding my feelings when I was a kid.

I'm glad you brought this up. It helps me to reflect on and make sense on something I've never before thought about from this perspective.

<font color=" green">[b]I get a flat affect, even my therapist has commented on it. At least she has learned it means I am in deep do-do HELP![b]

Just wanted to bring this back up to the top so for at least a little while all three threads will be together. We should have kept all of this together. It's my fault. Sorry 'bout that.

In reference to "Hey, Everybody" and "What Do You Hear?"; how is everyone doing on trying to assimilate the positive thoughts, eh? I know it's beginning to help me, although I have moments of madness. That will probably continue until the holidays are over so don't feel bad if it's happening to you, too. As for me, I'll be sad that the holidays are over, but hopefully life will become more peaceful.

Ya'll take care of YOU, ok?