extremely anxious, no more change.

Enough, Enough, Enough....I declare there are no more changes permitted in my world--good or bad--they are just not allowed.

I have been a little manic for some time now. And it just does not feel good anymore. I am really, really anxious. It seems like everything is changing and everybody wants something and it is all happening at the same time.

Not to mention the little things that really keep annoying me. Like for instance--why do I keep seeing pictures of all those "perfectly" thin gorgeous people? Why do most of them seem to be blond? Who do they think they are smiling at and no, I don't really believe they are that happy. I am absolutely sure, that there are a lot more people out there who look a little more like me. I am also fairly certain we have them outnumbered. So, why do I keep seeing pictures of them all over and yet, I never see one that looks like me? Really, I am what is "normal" so why are they looking at me with their dazzling blue eyes and continuously telling me through their sparkling white teeth that they are beautiful and I should admire them and want to be like them and buy whatever it is they have? Somebody tell them that I'd rather eat my yummy hamburger and haul my "big" butt around in a crappy little saturn than starve myself and go in debt for sports car...and, no, I am not bleaching my hair. It annoys me that they annoy me....And, for goodness sake, they all need to put on a little sunscreen and maybe a few more clothes while they are at it. AAAHHH...

Please, will somebody show me a little compassion? I know, this is general mental health forum...maybe this rant does not belong here. But, you know, dang it, being anxious and obsessive because of my freakin mania compounded by all this change, is about my mental health. My mental health is not so good right now. I feel like I am about ready to explode. Please, does anybody have any idea what this is like? To go week after week with very little or no sleep. To be constantly wound up and unable to relax. To be compelled to continuesly obsess about something and yet not really able to pay attenion to anything? Dang, to feel like those "perfect" people really are staring at you. And, I have not even mentioned the freakish hallucinations from the meds I am taking to just get the little bit of sleep I am getting. And, of course, there is the fact that I could keep writing this post....keep obsessing about it....just keep going on and on....it just never stops.

(((((((( DePressMe ))))))))

Breathe my friend try and do something nice just for you. I know what it is like to not be able to sleep and be super stressed out at the same time. Have you got a relaxation CD or tape you can use to try and calm things down a bit?

Ah...the beautiful people. I guess we can thank advertisers for them. You are right about them not being the norm. In fact, they might not even look as good as they appear, what with Photoshop.

I've been wondering if you had gotten any sleep yet. I hope things can settle down soon. It sounds so exhausting.

((((Depressme))))

I'm really sorry that you're still manic - not sleeping would really get to me & this has been going on for a while for you.

And I'm with you about the perfect people. Just remember it's an advertising conspiracy, aided as someone already shead by heavy duty photoshoping. You're perfectly fine the way you are and a saturn is an absolutely fine sensible car.

When do you next see your pdoc? I'm wondering if there's anything med wise that can be tried to bring you down?

You've probably already tried exercise but when I'm really wound up, I find doing weights really helps for some reason. Makes me feel powerful and slows me down.

I don't know your stand on meditation but I really like it. Jon Kabat Zinn has some good mindfullness for beginner's CD's that I really like. If you're brain is in overdrive it might be easier to do guided meditation rather than trying to just do it on your own.

Seriously, I hope things get better for you soon.

--splitimage

Well, I'm going to try and help you out... Hope I DO help out somehow:

The "thin" girls are everywhere so they attract the attention of the majority of the people by making them think:
Males = "Wow, they're BEAUTIFUL. Look at this and that and that! If I had a woman like that..." etc etc.
Females = "Look at that body, that shape! If I had a body like that, and be as rich as her, I would..." etc etc.
SO! In conclusion, it's a manipulative advertising tactic that attracts the reader, no matter the gender, with false ideas of what the "norm" in reality is. The sad thing is, the vast majority of people actually are compelled to watch the pictures, or read what they're about, when they see beautiful women (in men's eyes), or perfect bodies (in women's eyes). Same thing could go for beautiful men, except the reasons are inverted, and that some of the straight men wouldn't really look at it for fear of being looked upon as a homosexual.

I've had sleep problems for a while too, and they last weeks, then they go into recession for about 2 weeks - 1 month. I haven't had hallucinations yet while awake/trying to sleep, but with my short-term memory problems, it's hard for me to even remember what song I just listened to 10 minutes ago in my iPod, or what it sounded like. I've been whole days obsessing about stuff that is irrelevant, anxious about things that have easy answers (which I can't seem to find), angry at those little things that would normally not even bother a person... I'm not saying I know your exact feelings, but I can at least view a fraction of what your daily torment is.

Just hang in there, you're in the middle of a manic/hypomanic episode! Things will get better, even if you don't believe me! Do the same as me and keep a journal of everything you feel for 2 weeks - 1 month, and read it every once in a while so you can remember what you were thinking and feeling back then, so you know that there is an end to your suffering! You might even find something you didn't realize you were doing, and it might help you upgrade your life quality...!

Learn to fight, my friend, and hang in there...

(((((Depressme))))) You are a beautiful person, inside and out. You have so many gifts! I know that there is something that we'd all like to change about ourselves, but I'd like you to know that what you're feeling about those ads I feel about you. Well, what I mean is I look at you, all of your abilities and accomplishments and I'm jealous. I know that you've worked very hard to get where you are and that you deserve every second of success.

You have overcome so much and come out the other side not cynical, but loving and supportive.

I know that those manic stages can be fun and productive, but these crashes really suck. Doc have meds to help with the crash?

(((DPM)))

You are a very beautiful person, inside and out. That counts so much more than anything else

Dee

The beautiful people are funny! At least, one can see them as being that way. Think of how hard they have to work (both physically and mentally) to keep looking beautiful!

((((((((((( DePressMe ))))))))))))))