[Having2LeftFeet]

For the third Christmas in a row, I have been away from my grown daughters and my 5 grandchildren. This year was very hard for me, more so than the pervious 2. They are litterally growning up without knowing their real Nana. I am ill and can only travel in stages and so because three out of the 5 kids, I am not really unknown to them. They have Step-Grandmothers and I feel threatened by them as I fear they will never know who I am. I visit once a year for 3 weeks but once again, they forget. They are 7,5,3,26 mos and 7 mos. I talkied to my 5 yr old granddaughter, Megan, who is very smart. She asked me "Nana, why aren't you here for Christmas"? I broke down and asked her to put mommy back on the phone. I think it upset my daughter but it is hard to hide emothers. I am 1.200 miles away and because of my physical illness I am in the best state for medical care. Is it OK for me to be so depressed and to be a bit jealour of the two women who seem to have "squeezed" into my place?

AnAngel

[(JD)]

Sigh.



I truly do understand. My two sons and their wives also have a combined 5 children. They are growing up without me, but with plenty of other grandparents and step grandparents. It is not me that prevents this, but them. A few years ago they "disowned" me until I "can quit being disabled and be a witness for Christ" certainly not the Spirit they were raised with, but evidence of how much trouble I am for them and their faith.

My T assures me that my grandchildren know I am here, even though I have not even met one of them and not held 3 of them, ever. It is a good thing that they have so many relatives in their lives, but when they are able, will come seeking their other "real" grandmother.
We cannot force ourselves into their lives. It's depressing because I taught both my sons to go and visit their grandmother, not have her come to them, and usually took them, even when we lived 1000 miles away-- twice a year visits. (And my sons have lived within minutes of me, with no contact.)Now one is military and moves all around the world, yet he can never drop by heheheh The other is "too" busy with work, the children's school and activities.

You are at least able to talk to them, send them cards and maybe gifts? My calls aren't returned, but the cards and gifts are.
Recently my closest living, and older son called and invited me to Christmas program at his church, and dinner. Yippee! No, it was just him.. his family never showed their faces. I cried all the way home, and got "lost" due to the stress. Hang in there, luv ya.

As for that signature you have? Nice, but I always figured there was just an entire waste of extra glass!

[SpazKatt]

*hugs*

[adieuolivaw]

OH, SKY! My heart goes out to you. However, how much good could you accomplish in such a poisonous atmosphere? And isn't there a chance it could drag you down even more than the depression from not seeing them? That's how I look at my own situation. I also have been shut out of the lives of my children and grandchildren.

Such flambuoyant ignorance has to keep to itself, Sky, where the light of reason cannot penetrate. Your family must know that what you exemplify --- love, wisdom, and patience, with no axe to grind --- would be far too influential on the children, no doubt causing them to yearn for more of the same, which could not be found among persons who think as the parents do. How do such people sleep at night? Methinks hanging upside down, by the skin of their toenails, as do all vampires, spiritual or otherwise. LOL

So be of good cheer. PsychCentral is here!

[(JD)]

<font color="blue">Thanks bunches, but AnAngel needs to know too, how it only hurts us when we become jealous, or covetous, envious (gee all those "ous" words are nasty!)

You have something the others can never take away and that's the bloodline... heredity...

Welcome to psychcentral AnAngel... certainly reading posts like Adieu's make you know you are in good company!

[adieuolivaw]

AN ANGEL: Of course your feelings are natural! I've had very similar ones, because of being completely shut out of the lives of my children and grandchildren. I felt I could have added a lot to the lives of my grandchildren, especially. There is a sort of common "history" that creates the way a family feels about themselves. That can be a very strong bond. Or so I hear (lol). I've never had a chance to share that with my family, and I think it's a shame. So, in a way I really envy you those 3 weeks a year, because that's a chance to create many good memories.

When I was very young, my grandfather I had never seen began to send me LETTERS. I adored him for that. How personal. How private! Only for me. I could share or not share them, as I pleased. I kept them in a special, carved camphor box with a lock on it that only I could open. I know...I know. How to compete with TV, boom boxes, and computer? How to make up for the lack of physical presence over time? Well, letters (especially with pictures) can actually become a part of FAMILY TRADITION.

You could pull it off, AnAngel! You could gift each child with a very special box for your letters. The older children could READ your letters to the younger ones and make a ritual of saving the letters in the box. The older children could also WRITE for the young ones, sending a reply after asking the very young ones what they would like to tell you! How about that for making memories while absent? As years go by, the children could always go into the boxes and read some of Nana's letters. Understanding and love would grow. Well, what do you think?

And you could send recordings also! Yep. I suppose reusable CDs are still around. The seven-year-old will soon know how to burn CDs....and hold the mike for the tiny ones. That would give everyone something to look forward to!

I understand so much of what you are going through. This is the information age. So why not make the most of it? Thank you for letting us know what you have been feeling. Helps to know that I am not the only one.

[SeptemberMorn]

You can add me to the list of grandmothers who doesn't see some of her grandkids. Long stories. However, Adieu, I think I'll start some of those boxes you were talking about. Only thing is, I'll have to hang on to them and only God knows when the letters will be read. My daughter won't allow me contact with her boys (12 &amp; 9)... because of HER mental illness, not mine.

[adieuolivaw]

SEPTEMBER MORN: Welcome to the Reluctant Dragons. Maybe we could meet in a nice, dark, damp, drafty cave to do what we do? You know---fire-breathing, tail-swishing, night flying, bringing home disgusting things to crunch in the dark, dragging our talons on chalk boards, filing our teeth to needle points, terrifying small children, and producing dreadful sulfurous fumes. Well, we were thrown out of Eden for SOME reason, right? (lol) Laughter and love, Tomi. Laughter and love.

Flighty Scapedragon

[colors]

Dear Angel,

Never give up! Find a way to them, even thou you live so far away, to stay close to them!

Mail is great! It will keep you close and be so much fun for your grandchildren. What child does not feel important and so thrilled to recieve something in the mail?

You can mail as often as once a week even. It will keep you in their thoughts for sure. Mail everything and anything!
Letters, coloring books and crayons, animal cookies, toys, books, pictures that you draw yourself, or take with a camera. Fill a shoe box with things you think they would like to have. (Send stamps even, with envlopes or cards that they can fill out out mail back to you.)

Keep going grandma! Never give up.

Colors