[jbug]

I am struggling right now. I am trying very hard to put on a brave face and hope that all will be well but its not. I am hearing voices again. Sometimes I can tell what they are saying and they aren't Casper the friendly ghost whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Sometimes I can't I can tell they are talking but I can't tell what they are saying its kind of like being in a resturant 24/7 with a bunch of people. My attention span is nil so reading is out. I tried watching Fellowship of the Ring yesterday but about 5 minutes into it I was like when is it going to be over and turned it off. I went to Blockbuster then and rented a movie that in retrospect I shouldn't have being the state of my mind...I rented Helter Skelter. I also bought Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Again I could barely watch it because my mind was flying and I was having a hard time concentrating on just one thing. Last night it took 4 tylenol pm's to put me to sleep and then I didn't want to get up this morning. I don't want to be around people but if I talk to them on the phone its ok because I don't have to actually see them. I went to walmart today to get some groceries so that I could cook dinner for the 'rents tonight and that about killed me. So many people and I thought they were all looking at me. I am scared and don't know what to do. I don't want to do what the voices are telling me to do but on the other hand it might be a good thing.

Janniebug

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((janniebug))))))))))))))

[Mahali]

((((janniebug)))), please take care of yourself.

Maybe ER or hotline would be a good thing like ozzie said.

Kim

[jbug]

When I get home if I am still feeling crummy my plan of attack is to take a hot bath with my cucumber melon bubble bath, put on my warm nightgown drink a cup of hot tea and try not to listen to the voices. When I talked to the emergency T today she said I could call the hotline if I needed to tonight but that is a very last resort for me.

Janniebug

[SweetCrusader]

((((((Jannie)))))))) Please be safe I am worried about you

[wisewoman]

goodluck tonight, hope your plan of attack helps. E.Rs are not so bad if you are unsafe.

[SpazKatt]

*hugs*

[jbug]

I ended up calling the crisis line where I go for therapy. I talked to the doctor and she was on the line with me while I took my medicine and then told me to go put it in the trunk of my car. I did that and then this morning have been trying to get a hold of the crisis T. My T has the day off and I have left a message for him too. He checks his messages and he told me he would call me back if I needed him to. Last night I pissed off the voices by not following their instructions and now am even more scared. I am not going to be back on until Friday so please don't worry.

Janniebug

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Janniebug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Good for you for calling the hotline! That's what they're there for. Do what you have to and keep yourself safe.

Keep us posted, ok?

[jbug]

I am home after spending Wednesday night and yesterday in the hospital due to an OD. I am doing better now and have brought all my meds out here to my parents house where they will live until I am strong enough to keep them at my house. There are no open beds in Arkansas for me to go to or I would be inpatient. I am to call the crisis line this weekend if I need to and check back in with my clinic Monday morning. I imagine I will be checking in with them every day until I see my pdoc on Wednesday. I was shocked I got to go home because my GP was acting like I would be directly transferred to another place but I guess since there wasn't any place to send me it was home for me.

Thanks!!

Janniebug