[jagster]

God you guys i dont know what im supposed to do? Im trying to end a 3 year internet relationship and i cant? Im stuck on the person?

They told me on Friday that they didnt want me to write anymore? I cant stop? I tried?

I guess im happy in denial?

[kimmydawn]

jagster, it's gonna take some time to get used to life without this person in it i do wish you well.

[sqrlb8]

Tricky stuff Jag, yep. There is a sublime aspect to computer relationships that defies 3d conventions. For instance, when a 3d door slams in your face, it's more difficult to ammend that experience via interpretation later than it is a virtual door slam. But at the same time, the feelings generated by the same relationships are so real, I know I can not distinguish them from my 3d relationships as far as depth of feeling is concerned.

So it's hard, we all go thru it. But the good news is you're in a place where you can have many meaningful relationships here. Stick around, let's get aquainted, you'll feel better, and don't have to become an "e" stalker. lol.

[Mahali]

It will not be easy but if you care for the person then you really should respect their wishes. Every unwanted contact will only serve to drive them farther away, I would think.

[vacantangel]

I know exactly what you're going through. I've been through it more times than I care to remember. It hurts, it REALLY HURTS!!! But might as we may we can't make anybody love us or even like us for that matter. For me, it was always my BP with the rapid cycling that got in between the relationships. Nobody could keep up with it and my lows would get so low, they just didn't know how to deal with it nor did they want to. And with my continual mood swings, which could be several times a day, my postings would often times get extremely erratic.

Even though it really hurt and I cried buckets of tears and would also unfortunately unload my feelings of grief on others, I did stop communicating with the person. That was REALLY hard. I'm still not over losing what I considered to be my best friend last summer. I recently cleared out my address book of all the people who want nothing to do with me anymore but hers is still there. I just couldn't bring myself to delete it. I guess I'm not ready to. BUT even with that said, if she decided to e-mail me again at this point, I would not reply. I don't want or need people in my life that keep running away from me and neither should you. Believe me, I KNOW how hard it is but you have to find a way to be strong and let it go. Stop e-mailing, posting, PMing and IMing the person. You really don't want to win somebody back who really doesn't want to be back with you. Find the strength to refrain from any contact. Yes, it hurts like HELL!!! I sure can sympathize with you but for your own sake, you need to break away. It may still hurt for quite a long time, I still hurt and it's about 8 months since my best friend left me. But it doesn't do either one of us any good to continue to hang on to a relationship that has ended, regardless of our hurt feelings. I'm soooooo sorry that you're going through this. If you want to talk with me some more, feel free to do so, either here on the board or you can PM me if you'd rather do it that way. I know how much your heart is breaking right now. I wish I could make it all better but I can't, I haven't even completely healed from my own but I can be here for you if you want to talk with me. (((((((((jagster))))))))))

[jagster]

Id like to thank everyone who replied to me. I still dont know what to do? This hurts so bad. Ive been crying and crying over it. I still cant stop writing her? I try but its too hard on me. Im stuck in denial over losing this friendship. I know this may sound sick, but i have even contemplated suicide over it. My heart is broken and i just dont know what to do? I cant let her go. I wont. Im still hanging by a thread waiting for things to go back to how they use to be. This isnt a game to me. This person drove all the way from NH to come meet me in person this past summer. I cant throw her away like shes trying to throw me away. I just cant convince myself to do it. I write crappy emails saying im leaving for good, but then i recant and take back what ive said. I guess its likeim trying to make her hurt the ways shes hurting me. Kinda sick huh? My emotions are running wild today and i cant stop crying. God im so stupid. Why cant i just not have feelings? I feel like im having a meltdown and im out of anxiety meds so its even worse. God whats wrong with me? I dont wanna have a broken heart anymore. I cant take this? Im not strong enought to handle things like this. I just wasnt cut out for crap like this to be thrown my way. I wanna curl up under a rock.

[SweetCrusader]

I lost a 3d relationship that left me feeling MUCH the way you are feeling. I totally went crazy over it. I saw the signs that the end was near for a LONG time, but I denied it and denied it. I tried frantically to keep him because I loved him so much. My heart broke in half. I hurt myself over it (si). I tried to talk it out with him. I practically begged him to stay, but when a person is ready to move on, they just are. No amount of trying to connect is going to get you closer to a person who is plain and simply finished with this relationship. It hurts like hell. And I can relate to contemplating suicide because of such a loss. But give it some time. You'll hurt every day, no doubt. You will cry and cry. I've done that. Just keep talking to us here and trying to put your energies into new relationships. It's over with her. You've got to acceept that. Your pain will ease over time.

Best wishes,
Angela

[jagster]

Thanks for the reply. I cant believe how i feel. Im making myself sick over this. I mean im literally sick to my stomach. Im throwing up and feeling nauseated every other minute. I think maybe i better try and stop thinking about it.