read with care could *trigger*** if in wrong place feel free to move.

Really did not know myself where to put this. Not a ptsd moment. not depressed a little sad yes. Normal sad , if there is such a thing.
Its not aniexty. Its a big pile of brush. To much in a couple of days.
Which I will say im sorry right now as its not more than anyone else deals with in thier lives. in fact it could be less. Just needed to type it out.
Yesterday went wham wham .....First i was insulted once again over my tan. Which is no big deal ,. And the answer would be well then stay inside then. But it makes me feel better sunlight. I do not get why its a issue with some??????? Im at a loss on that one. totally. In fact I questioned myself on weather or not i should just stay out of the sun and tanning booths. If its going to bug ppl so. ok over that one.
With in minutes of that, And this is important. Ppl thou deal with it every day. So i know i am not alone. It just because I have lost so many it hit me alittle hard, Also its what my aunt had., My friends wife , will not make it. She has brain cancer. I did the only thing i could do which was give him a big hug. Said I understood.
I know lots of you have dealt with that too. So i know im not alone.I just felt so bad for him.
there was another issue , but just to trigger to mention here. I do not want to upset anyone. It did not involve me. One of my friends nephews.
Today later in the afternoon as most of you know my son has joined the Marines. In comes the offical letter I did not know you got as being the parent. Welcome to the Marines family. Being from the base back home.
The part that got me was he has made a legal and moral agreement. Legal........which I knew but seeing it that way was like ohhhhhhhhhhhh.............and i know once again many of you have faced the same thing with your children or yourselfs or family members. So i am not alone. I feel like i am whinning. rambleing thats for sure.
The saddest I think ......my son came home tonight from the place they all play football. One of his team mates from wreastling. Took his life.
No one knows why. It had just happened. My daughter got it confirmed.
First one at our home school that i can remember.
10th grade i think. My son said no one knew what to do. They all just kinda walked to thier homes.
Its almost like time stood still. It was horrific.
((and i know so many of you have lost ppl to this))))) so im sorry...
I wish with all my heart kids had ppl they could go to.
sorry for this post its not my usal happy posts.

I am not up to full rambling sorry
and of course its thundering out too....so that prolly means my internet will go down. alot of rain too.

[sabby]

Since it's storming out, why don't we have a bonfire of that brush pile eh? All the worries and pain can go up in smoke for a bit and you can breathe and just listen to the crackle and be mesmerized by the dancing flames.

((((((((((((((((((((((( muffy, friends, family )))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry it all seems to be hitting you all at once. No wonder you are in a state right now....perfectly understandable hon. Please do what you can for yourself so you can continue to be the wonderful woman we all know and love. We're here for you.....broad shoulders and ears at the ready!


sabby

[Christina86]

(((((((((((((((muffy and all)))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry... so incredibly sorry... and I wish I could say something that would make everything better... but that's not exactly easy to do.

All I can say is I you, and that I'm thinking of you and everyone else...

And that we're all here for ya, Miss Muffy.

[katheryn]

((((((((((((((((((muffy))))))))))))))))))

you did what you needed to do in times when things are hard shared with friends, here were hopefully nobody judges, and most have dealt with similer issues

let out all those worries share them with friends lesson your burden we are here to support you and everyone else

[nowheretorun]

((muffy))))) first i want to give you a big hug, it will not change truths or facts, but it can show that there are others who do care and really want to help even if it feels like its never enough, it can show how we are a human family and that we are all connected in some way.. being connected by loss shows us that loss and suffering is a thing that brings us together in caring and wanting things better for ourselves and others too.. its sad that a child takes his/her life.. sad that somehow, someway, the child was left alone too long at a time when they really needed an adult to show up and be there for them.. its sad that there is not more connection on both sides, the childs and the outside world... i know it is a cry for help and its painful that we know we cannot now help this child in any way, that he is now gone... what we can do is see how there was an opening for us to get closer together in a time before this happened and we can learn that next time we will try harder to be there for them somehow, as individuals or as a society... we can hear this childs last cry of pain and we can say to ourselves that we have to try harder to help others and listen and care... so many of us are doing that, i wish he had heard ...

sending love and caring always kind one

[pegasus]

That's a lot of loss to deal with all in one day, and that also reminds us of other losses on top of that. I understand. Take special care of you, do something good for you, just one really good thing. Take time out to breathe.

Sending hugs (((((((( muffy ))))))))

[Catherine2]

(((muffy)))
I'm so sorry that this many things gathered together and landed in your heart in a heap...
Take care of you, please.
and thank you for sharing so honestly.

Catherine

[eskielover]

((((((((((muffy)))))))))),

When I read the title of your thread, the first thing that came to my mind was "burn it"......then I read sabby's post......oh my.....there is another mind that thinks like mine.

Kidding aside, it is important to get out the points in life that are bothering us.....like you were able to do. Many people aren't able to express what is going on inside & then the brush pile gets even bigger before it can be set free. The issues lie inside because it's not always easy to express them, the freedm it brings to us & others who relate to the thought or feeling.

It is important to acknowledge those feelings as valuable part of life & as normal responses to what it is that is touching your life.

We share your feelings of pain especially with the loss fo the boy to loosing the desire to live....that pain comes as a shock & i nothing that should be just "gotten over".

These things that come into our lives are thing we learn from & grow through.

I hope you will come to a period in your life when you will be able to feel peace again......those times give us the strength to go through times like these.


Debbie

[Perna]

(((((((sabby))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((christina))))))))))))))(((((((kathy)))))))))
my friends thank you . ((ty)) for always listening. and caring . Im really lost for words. It was just to much in 2 days.
To many things that hit real close to home. triggers .........
I worryed most for my son. again as this was the second one in 2 different schools.
He asked if this would keep going? I told him i hope not.with all my heart.
For a moment there he was not the marine hes going to become he was alittle kid again.
you guys are the best ((ty))) for being here and being you
its a blessing

(((((nowheretorun))) and ((pegs)))((ty))) both you are good and kind ppl
very true nowheretorun sometimes with this ppl never make a nosie about it.
In this case this child i guess tryed to say it . no one believed him.
((ty)) both for always caring
((inserts heart and hugs)) computer froze and tryed to add them

(((Catherine2)))))) and ((((eskielover)))))))) ((ty)) both so much
eskielover your very right . it had built and built just typing it out helped me so much.
After I posted I went and sat with my son some more. I had to be able to listen to him if he needed that. Most of all he just needed someone to sit with him i think.
or his brush pile would have got to big.
((ty)) you both for your caring thoughts.

Originally Posted by Perna

(perna)))))))))))))))))))))))) love the picture (((ty))) so true ..

I'm so sorry Muffy. Starlite

aww((ty))(((starlight)))))))))))))))))))))))))))