[Elysium]

Okay...so I wasn't sure which forum to place this in, so I decided to go with this one.

So, I have depression, complex-PTSD, and DID with some borderline traits. I've had these things for a long time, and will most likely be living with them and recovering from them for a long time as well. With all this, I am looking at returning to school to get my Master's in Social Work, and I haven't even started yet.

K...get on with it....

I'm 32. I am single. I WANT to have a baby!!! I have wanted nothing more in my life than to be a Mother. I want to be a Mother more than I want to be a wife. I want to raise a child and help them learn all the good things in this world and protect them from all the bad, awful things I have had to experience. I want baby drool on my shoulder...poopy diapers in my trash can...a crib in my second bedroom with a Classic Winnie the Pooh theme, and a little babe that I can sing to sleep. A little person that I can watch sleep and make all those cute little sleeping baby faces.

I realize that having a baby is DIFFICULT and that it is not all sunshine and roses. Kids get sick...they throw tantrums...they cry...they require more than your full attention on any given day. Sometimes I think, if I only had a little someone that needed me to climb out of my own head and focus on them, I would be less depressed, less anxious, etc.

I want a child for all the right reasons!! But, with my issues...is it even realistic? Can I really do that to a child? I know that you can't bring a child into the world just to make yourself feel better...that's selfish, and part of raising a child is to be selfless, although one does need to take care of themselves at the same time.

Oy....I'm just rambling. I have all these Mommy emotions inside of me right now and I feel like I'm running out of time!!!

[Michah]

Hi sweetie, nothing wrong with that! The biological clock doesn't often stop or start when convenient with life unfortunately. I had my son when I was 21 and he went through all the mental health hardship with me. I was also a single mother. It would be good if you could find a person that you love to have the baby with(just speaking from experience).

My boy is 14 now and is a great kid. He has his ups and downs and has faced more than his fare share of instability but he laughs a lot and has good friends and does well at school. It is very hard though and I had to be super diligent, probably more than other parents. It can be done!!

He saved my life. Everyones reasons for wanting a child are different. I never wanted children, they terrified me! But I was offered a lifeline by the birth of my son. He taught me more than I could ever teach him. Someone was looking out for me the day I got pregnant.

Good luck babe.......I really feel your situation. When I met my current partner, I really wanted to have my second child with him but unfortunately I am perimenopausal and have thyroid and gynealogical issues. It is unlikely I could conceive and probably dangerous if i did. I am 35. I have a very good friend who had a baby last year so I am surrogate aunty. I love it! It fills the void of the second child I cannot have.

Go for it eddie!!! I really hope it comes through for you. I think you would make a wonderful mum. You sound like you know exactly what you want.

[amandalouise]

having a baby is the easy part. they have the medicines so you dont feel labor, diets and stuff to get you through the pregnancy. its the after the child is born thats hard. is there someone who has a young child who would be willing to designate you mommy for a weekend or week so you can see if you are ready to be a parent? I did this with a friend for a week and by the end of two days I knew I was definately not equiped to be a mom yet.

[thelionkinglives]

If you are always waiting for the "perfect" time to have a baby then it may never happened. At least from my life experience there is never a perfect time. There is always an excuse not too.

I have never met a person that is TRUELY ready for their 1st baby. Their is always a learning curve no matter how up on it you think you are. The little grimlins don't come with handbooks like a car does, dang it!

Now my life may not be the greatest example as the people here who know my history can attest to. My first son, Storm was born when I was 18. I was definantly not ready to be a father. I was good with him, but I was just a kid myself. Plus, being a teenage boy I thought I was bullet proof & didn't fully appreciate how fragile life is & that your never promised tomorrow. I worked ALOT to provide the material things that I thought he needed. However after he died the biggest thing that eats at me now is that I worked his only birthday & all I have is a picture of him eating the cake I dropped off to him before I went to work

I thought I was in a good situation when my daughter, Samantha at 19, 2 weeks from beiing 20. Six weeks after she was born was the events that surrounded Storms death which also created unforseen curve balls in raising samantha.

When Logan was born that was probably the most "perfect" time that one of my children came into this world. I had stable work, stable family situation so that is probably when the stars were aligned the best. That being said I could have found plenty of reasons NOT to have a child at that time. We were not living in an ideal place at the time he was born.

When our daughter Sarah, who was stillborn was set to come into the world. We were in an ok place in our lives at conception. I was working, we owned our home, we had 2 cars. However, this was the same time that my wife & I decided to enter college full time & I quit my job.

After Sarah passed we talked about trying again, we decided even though we had 2 at home & were in school full time we were already psychologically ready & had all the stuff needed for a new baby so let's go...we were "ready"

SURPRISE!!! Along came the TWINS!!!

Despite it all, the only thing I would have changed is who I picked to be the mother of my first 2 kids.

Through all the ups & downs they are all the greatest things to have happened to me & I have learned more from them than I could ever teach any of them.

I don't know if my story inspires you to do it, or sends you screaming the other way...or just mixes you up more, or has no effect...

I just wanted to share

[Elysium]

Thanks everyone...

I do appreciate all of your insights and stories. It's a lot to think about, and I've been thinking about it for a long time.

I know that there are a few things I need to get taken care of first before I do bring a child into this world, but I do believe it will happen...someday.

I think the most important thing to remember is that it is okay to live my life right now, and not to put it off because I am waiting to finish school, or I am waiting to be cured from my disorders. My disorders will never be "cured". But at some point, hopefully, they will begin to balance out a little...I hope.

Please do not devalue yourself or your contributions to this world based on your disabilities or any other difference you perceive. You have much to contribute. i don't personally believe for one minute that we are less capable parents simply because we have mental health issues. Are my kids 100% unaffected by me? Of course not...but we can't assume our impact is negative just because it's not considered conventional. When you think about the actual occurrence rate, the idea that we're all that unconventional is not really accurate anyway.

If you're honest, responsible, seek help when you need it, give love and protect as best as possible it's all the world has a right to ask of you.

[Elysium]

MeSo....

I read your message and it made me smile. It was a good message, but most importantly it made me realize that there are people that care out there.

Thank you...

Thanks to all!!