[GreyGoose]

I have been in my own private hell lately. It got so bad in the last few days. that I thought I was going nuts. Maybe I am. Every waking minute has been just too much too bare.

I got all kinds of forms from SSI to fill out and send in awhile back which stressed me out. Then, after 7-8 years of going to the same clinic, I got a certified letter from them basically telling me that they were dumping me. Then, there's the incident with the bat (or whatever it was) flying over me which triggered a MAJOR anxiety attack. Then, this one forum I go to once in a great while deleted my post and I have NO idea why but I was really shocked and hurt by it. Then I get a very sarcastic letter from my father which triggered another panic attack. These are just a few things.

My current symptoms include this feeling like my head/mind/brain is in a jar of thick, cloudy, vasiline. I just feel really "foggy headed" and my eyes feel kind of "buggy". My eyes go from watery to very dry and many mornings there is a white-ish film of dried tears on my lower lids and even on my cheeks. I sometimes get these tingly/prickly sensations (not too often though) on my scalp. The pollen count is super high in my state right now and I have all kinds of sinus problems so I don't know if some of these scary sensations are caused by this, anxiety or some disease simmering in me.

So I have been getting up each morning and popping a Xanax. Later, I start in on the Atenolol and maybe some Neurontin. Then I gulp down 2-3 cups of coffee and a big gulp of NyQuil. So I'm pretty strung out all day PLUS the anxiety is eating me alive and no doubt I'm also experiencing side effects/withdrawl from various meds. It's a roller coaster. Is it my "disease"?. Is it my anxiety?. Is it the meds?. Is it withdrawl from the meds?. What was that sensation I just felt?. What does this funny feeling mean?. It goes on and on.

Anyway, thank's for listening. Gosh, I would'nt wish this on my worst enemy. Ahhh!!!

EDIT: And to boot, it looks like I may have posted this in the wrong spot...sorry.

oh sweetie..........everytime i read your posts.......my heart breaks for you.........i hate the thought that you live day to day like this.....seems the meds you are taking are not helping much.......i wish that you would find a good therapist and get some help..........i wish that i could say something to console you....all i can say is that i care..........

[wisewoman]

I am so sorry for your pain. I would hope that you can see a good doc and get meds straightened around. Please try not to worry about something being physically wrong with you. That cocktail is reason enough for how you are feeling. I can't remember if you have a pdoc but I do remember the clinic tossing you out. That had to be so hurtful. It took me a long time to find, then build a relationship with a doc I trust and like. It was a very important step for me. I hope you can find a doc as wonderful as mine.

[Isolated_Guy]

As a fellow anxiety sufferer, I feel for you, Grey Goose.

I wonder if the combination of all you take could make it worse?

And hey, coffee can really mess with your anxiety!

I want you to think about at least cutting that down.

[Wants2Fly]

Hi Grey Goose -- I am a long time allergy sufferer. The crusty eyes are definitely a symptom of that. Dry itchy skin may be too. Sometimes my scalp itches. Itching seems worse in stressful situations: sometimes I feel as if I'm scratching so much people will think I'm a heroin junkie in withdrawal.

I agree with the notion of getting a meds check.

So sorry that you are feeling low. ((((((((((((GG)))))))))))))))))

[GreyGoose]

Thank's:-). Well, as I was taking my walk this morning I decided that when I got back home, things were going to be different this time. I was going to totally shake my day up and that's just what I did. Ok, it get's a little crazy here so hang on!!...lol...

First, I went out in the barn and brought my pet goat in to keep me company (it's true...I AM nuts!!). Then, instead of drugging myself to death with Nyquil, Xanax, Atenolol and drinking cup after cup of coffee, I took a Celexa (which has worked GREAT for me in the past) and drank 2 cups of decaf. I also have coffee- flavored "Postum" which I could have had (anyone ever heard of it?).

I felt *better* as the day went on but still not 100%. I spent a lot of time reading on this one site about everyone's symptoms and they sounded exactly like mine. I just finished eating dinner (smoked ham, green beans with bacon & onion and potato salad and here I sit in front of a new computer that I got from a friend of mine in the business yesterday.

So some good things to talk about anyway :-)

[wisewoman]

Hey Goose, way to go. BTW if you are crazy then so am I. Goats and sheep in house all of the time. Not to mentipon bunnies. Good job!

[SS8282]

(((((((((((((((GG))))))))))))))))))) Glad to hear you did something for yourself that made you feel better.

I'm on celexa myself, and it does help. As for allergies, I take claritin, which does the job without the sleepiness. I hear it's OTC now.

Take care.

so glad to hear a more positive post from you!...and as wiswwoman says....if you are nuts...you have lots of company...including me!.......none of us will ever be 100% ..some days 505 is perfectly acceptable!.hang in there and keep up the positive steps....we are all here to support you no matter what you may need!

[Wants2Fly]

I want to live like Grey Goose and Wisewoman . . . in the woods . . . with creatures . . . mostly dogs . . . I'm here in a part of South Florida where they paved paradise and put up a parking lot . . .

Great progress Grey Goose! Good for you.

[GreyGoose]

A picture of the furry little monster (she even crawls up in the bed and sleeps with me sometimes! - how wild is that?)...

http://img120.exs.cx/img120/3769/goat20zq.png