[InTheProcess]

...........Besides being a fat ***.

My WHOLE life, well since I can remember I have been over weight and trying to lose weight. Most recently, last year I lost about 40-45lbs. It was alot of exercise( I was not working at the time) and eating better.

I started to fall off the wagon about 9 months ago, I also started Zoloft around then for Major Depression-severe recurrent. I have dealt with that my whole life as well, but I self medicated, and for awhile, when I was a young teen, self harm. Anyways, I finally got some meds, and omg they worked! I felt much better, although I gained weight, about 30lbs back( not blaming it on the meds, but they probably did not help. So, I was depressed anyway, I tried switching meds, Wellbutrin,, but I did not feel right on it.s

Anyways......why do I eat, especially when I junk I will regret, why do I do it, why do I eat sooo much of it KNOWING I will hate myself, be completely depressed. It is like I do not even care at the moment there is food in my face. I can not understand why I have not developed anorexia yet or something. It makes me so angry that it is something i want SOOO BAD, my whole life and yet I just keep messing it up, day after day after day. It is so terribly unbelievable.

I dont know what the point of this, I just feel like I am losing my mind. I do not understand why i do this and why it seems impossible to control. Even at night, if I do not eat something close to bed time then I will probably wake up acouple hours later, in a daze, eat something and go to sleep( super embarassing, I know) the next morning, wake up and have to think if I really did that.

Also, I stopped the Wellbutrin( I am not on anything, and have not been for a few weeks- I DO have an appt. with my psychiatrist Tuesday) Anyone have suggestions?- Have gone through this?

[Travelinglady]

Hi, IntheProcess, and welcome to Psych Central! Do you think there might be psychological/emotional factors behind your eating patterns? It sounds to me like you might even be punishing yourself in a way.

See about getting your doc to prescribe you an antidepressant that's weight neutral. I am sorry to hear that Wellbutrin is not working out, since it fits into that category.

As far as just scarfing down snack food, I have started just eating non-sugary cereals such as Special K. I like the crunch and it's not too fattening. Maybe you can see about keeping such snacks around.

I hope you will feel better about yourself and be able to control your eating soon.

[InTheProcess]

Awe thank you much for your response.

I actually have an appointment with my psychologist this evening. Idk what else to try. Idk what my problem is. I feel like I have no control over food most of the time.

When I begin to eat it's like I can not stop. And the urge to have a snack, or 5 is so overbearing. I don't know if it's a mental problem or am I not putting enough effort to it.

And yes special K cereal is yummy!! There is just a high probability that I coulf eat that full box in maybe 2 days or so.

Well again thanks for the response. I appreciate it

[waggiedog]

Hello there and a very BIG to PC which you'll find is a wonderful place to find understanding and to make loyal friends! Now I'm afraid I can't advise you what to do about this serious problem, 'cos lets face it, it's causing you a great deal of heartache and pain However what I can say is that I totally UNDERSTAND how you are feeling and I've felt this way for over 30 plus years, I still feel this way now. I've had every ED known to man (or I should say women). Way back in the beginning I went on the first ''diet'' I ever did and I needed to as I was very overweight, I come from a family of compulsive eaters. That diet worked so well I ended up in the Psych hospital following a suicide attempt, I was anorexic. From then on I was bulimic and also binge/purge. Sometimes I became anorexic and often I'd get obese again, swinging from one to the other obsessively. For the last 2 years I've been basically restricting severely, interrupted by eating what I call ''banned'' food like chocolate. I'm also body dysmorphic, I hate what I see in the mirror, even though for now I'm not overweight (I'm not underweight either) I never gone along with the ED unit's diagnosis that I was comfort eating, tho maybe that was the case sometimes. The Psych Dr said the same, I need to find out why my eating is so out of sync. It was and is very simple..................all I want is to be THIN, end of, I wanna be THIN THIN THIN! I'm not THIN at the moment I can assure you but trying to stay on a very limited amount of food every day is soooooooooooooo difficult and draining, and energy is low. I eat no meat, eggs, no protein really except some milk. So there my friend, you really are NOT alone in your struggles with food, there's a lot of us out here. I don't know how old you are, but you do need help, please try and find some. You shouldn't be living with this horrible disorder and I'd hate to know that anyone else had to suffer ED's for the 30 plus years I have. Do come back and let us know. HUGS.

[InTheProcess]

Thanks you. I am 24 btw.
And I hope no one taked the 'how have I not developed an ED yet' offensively. Its only meant that I get so depressed after eating, especially alot and self hating that I don't understand why I haven't snapped.

Its something I have wantes for years ( as long as I can remember, pre teen ish or a bit before, even as a kid I knew I was over weight) yet I can not control my eating! Wtf is wrong with me?! I am so tempted to try all these diet pills ( even though I am sure their claims are mostly false) but I heard mixed reviews about their effects on birth control but why do I sabotage myself. Why can't I just say no, why do I have do for second serverings?! WHY. --calming down -- why haven't I snapped and just stopped eating or got my **** under control?! Is there something wrong in my head, besides what I already know.

I spoke to my shrink and he did not have much to say. I am thinking of finding one that deals with people who eating problems maybe he/she can give me some insight. Again thanks for listening (cough cough..reading)

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[BEDK]

Hey, I already commented--in a weird, rambling fashion--on another of your posts. But I just wanted to say: I completely understand. I honestly want to be thin so *******ed badly. But I eat compulsively at night. It's...it's just so mentally twisted and depressing.

But I wanted to thank you for sharing. It helped me today. It made me realize that I'm not battling solo--there are others. We can figure this out.

Regarding your psych, def try to find a therapist or psychologist well-versed in eating issues. All of the psychiatrists I've had, for the most part, are great DOCTORS. Excellent clinicians, who are wonderful at toggling prescriptions. So few of them, in my experience, teach life skills that will help you address your daily issues. Or they do, but they're cost-prohibitive. Just my two cents.

[coolbeans33]

I can relate to what you saying in a lot of ways, especially the getting up and eating at night thing. It was a habit I developed about 3 or 4 yrs ago, but now I struggle with it multiple times a night. It's horrible because you feel like your losing control of your life. I struggle with depression and anxiety, and I think it's mostly a result of my eating and sleeping issues..

This doesn't solve the problem, but it always helps me if I make myself drink extra water multiple hours before bed- and take some kind of fiber supplement right before sleeping. Even if I just feel more full for a while, it makes food seem less appealing if I'm tempted to binge eat.

I hope you can overcome what your dealing with, I'm just letting you know that there are other people who struggle with similar things!