i think i have this?

When i was a kid i had a heart murmor because i was so underweight i didnt eat alot. Like i remember my mum hiving me pizza and me scraping of yhe cheese and just eating that. It wasnt a weight thing i barely remember this.. the doctors told my mum to feed me w/e i wanted and put me in front of the t.v i had all of the people around me congratulating me everytime i ate. I thought this made people happy so i ate more and more. My weight balooned amd i was severly bullied. I had girls standong behind me in school and poking my bum to make it wobble and then laughing i was only 10. I decided in the six weeks holidays before moving up to high school i would lose weight. I ate a tin of ravioli every three days (my parents are alcoholics so they didnt notice). It continued this way i was never skinny but a healthy weight. Although my eating habits were horrible. I stayed like this till i was 17 when i found out that when you dont eat you end up putting more weight on. Since that day i have never purposly starved myself. I put do much weight on i got bigger and bigger but i was determined to lose eeight the healthy way. This never hsppened. I have days of feeling guilty or upset or just cant be bothered and i eat nothing but the rest of the time i eat loads. I started looking up e.d when my friend was diagnosed with anorexia. Im jealous but i dont think i could evem do that anyway. Im 25 now and the biggest ever. I hate myself i disgust myself and im so depressed help me please

Hello, ktwatts89. Is professional help an option? Maybe a nutritionist or dietitian? Perhaps, a referral for an assessment, and treatment plan for any problems indicated. The negatives need to go.

I wish you well.

Hello and good evening. My gosh hunny, my whole heart goes out to you because I completely UNDERSTAND everything you've said. The real telling things is the way your eating habits evolved. Eating equalled being ''loved'' or bought good attention from adults every time you ate. They congratulated you every time you ate!! I'm NOT blaming anybody, but it would appear this is the basis of your worries concerning your disordered eating. Maybe a better way to say it is your unhealthy attitude to food. That's sounds harsh but it's NOT meant to be, you can't help the way you are and you sound desperately unhappy. I understand that too, for my history is your history, except I'm much older. I'm no expert but I've had serious ED's for the last 33 years and I still have them now. This why I strongly urge anyone who's anxious about food, no matter what their weight, should seek help. Because of all the starving and severe restriction, and bulima, and obesity over the years, I hardly eat anything, like 3 ounces of cheese and 4 coffee's in any 24 hour period. My metabolisim is completely gone, I have no metabolisim anymore. This is why I can't eat anything without gaining weight. I've just spent over a year getting shot of only 1 stone, in the old days I could shift that in ONE WEEK!!!! I have been hospitalised a number of times due to ED's and things resulting from ED's. I don't advise it as a good pathway. If you want to talk, I'll be here somewhere hunny. Take care.

HUGS. XXXXXXXXXXXXX