[persevere]

I was doing good for a while, but this week all of a sudden I have been bingeing out of control.

Afterward, I hate myself, and feel really gross and stupid ugly and worthless.

Then I feel guilt and shame.

I tell myself to stop but can't seem to.

Tonight I ate a bunch of chewable laxatives hoping to get rid of the binge because I don't want to throw up.

[CANDC]

Welcome to PC persevere. Sorry you are hitting a rough stretch.

Having a therapist can help get the feelings out that we just keep wanting to keep down with binging.

There could be medical reasons why you are binging. Sugar as well as non-sugar sweeteners have been found to create abnormal hunger and could lead to binging. Same with alcohol and carbohydrates and other recreational drugs.

Not sure what triggers your binging, but it can be something that medicine could help stabilize under the direction of a psychiatrist.

If you are looking for alternatives, mindfulness, following the breath, yoga, exercise and getting plenty of sleep can help.

Be careful with the laxatives - if you empty the intestines then binging is another survival mechanism that animals use to counteract the low blood sugar that can result.

By overdoing laxatives you can also drain the body of essential minerals and nutrients.

Be careful, being your own best friend is a way out of this. Drop the blame game. You are a valuable part of the community here at PC. Hope you will take your experience and share with others that are going through similar circumstances. Even one person like you and me posting on a few other threads to try to help people can make a difference. Please don't underestimate your own self worth. You have a treasure inside that is in the process of being discovered. Just keep patiently watching and waiting and finding a middle path like eating small healthy meals or snacks every 3-4 hours so the body does not go into panic mode and you can feel more in control.

[persevere]

Thanks.

I got upset because my Professor gave me a low grade on a 15 page paper I worked so hard on.

He was rude when I spoke to him about it, and it's been so HARD for me to get through school because last year my cousin died and then a few months later my dad died and then a few months later my sister committed suicide.

I poured myself into my studies and have straight A's and he gave me a C and I just felt so angry so mad and then I couldn't control my tears and cried right in front of him and he responded incredulous at my tears and then condescended me.

I went home and I just couldnt stop eating and then I hated myself for it.

[Just keep swimming]

Hi Persevere,

First, sometimes Professors are total jerks and don't know how to handle tears or emotions and that's their problem. I'm a professor myself and I know that professors are usually really good at their subject, but may not be very good at dealing with people. So I'm so glad that you knew that your were mad. You had reason to be.

Second, good job at working so hard at your studies. But if you don't become an expert at being kind with yourself and taking care of yourself, there'll come a time when you won't have enough energy or health left for anything including your studies.

Lastly, great news. College is great time to learn about how to handle an eating disorder. And you're already doing several things right:1) You found Psych Central, 2) You reached out for help, 3) You correctly identified that you were angry*. I agree with everything CANDC said. I strongly suggest that you listen to her.

I didn't get professional help until after I left school. If I had known that it was possible to confidential help through the health center I would have saved myself a lot of suffering. See if you can get an appointment with the counseling folks at your school's health center. It's free, your tuition is paying their salary.

Finally, there are so many special, cool, amazing things that you're going to discover about yourself. Your bingeing does not make you any less cool or special. Of course you can't control your bingeing, no one with this disorder can will themselves to not binge. What we can do is learn what we can control in our lives to keep bingeing from being a problem for us. That takes work and a lot of learning. But you're on your way.

I'm glad you posted,
Swim

*There was a study done where one group was taught about emotions and another was taught about nutrition and exercise and the group that was taught about emotions ended up losing more weight than those that were taught about nutrition. I read about it somewhere on this site.

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by persevere

Thanks.

I got upset because my Professor gave me a low grade on a 15 page paper I worked so hard on.

He was rude when I spoke to him about it, and it's been so HARD for me to get through school because last year my cousin died and then a few months later my dad died and then a few months later my sister committed suicide.

I poured myself into my studies and have straight A's and he gave me a C and I just felt so angry so mad and then I couldn't control my tears and cried right in front of him and he responded incredulous at my tears and then condescended me.

I went home and I just couldnt stop eating and then I hated myself for it.

Oh perservere, I am so sorry for your losses. You have been through hell the last year. You really ought to just finish out the course with that noncompassionate professor and try and get a C. Just get through it and maybe get referrals from other students who the good professors are.

I feel you are a wonderful student and a person that "perseveres"

You may want to visit the grief forum
Grief and Loss - Forums at Psych Central

[persevere]

Thanks everyone, I feel better even coming here. I also will look into the free school counseling at the health center.

Right now we are on a break for thanksgiving, we have a week off this year which is really weird, normally it is only two days.

I am so glad someone suggested to just accept the C. I need to learn to do that, my GPA is 3.92 and so I feel stressed about it dropping but I really need to let go of it I am not my grades.

I need to work on my own issues of pain.

The thing is I am not a young student but rather an old student who returned to school after raising my kids alone. They are grown now and I kept losing jobs so decided to go back to school.

I wanted straight A's because I am poor and then I could apply for scholarships.

When everyone started dying I felt real shock and sad but then I poured myself into school and it helped me not think about it.

I really don't know why I had the meltdown it was just the way he talked to me, and his relentless attitude about perfection.

There was a girl student who has cancer and she missed one of his tests because she had to have chemo and he wouldn't let her retake the test, she ended up having to take a Withdraw from his class.

Then he failed like a handful of students for the course because they didn't cite properly on their papers.

I managed to make the cut but when I got my C grade I just cried, I don't know why.

The binge felt like I was out of control, it felt like I just couldn't get enough food and afterword I was so sick and I didn't want to throw up so I rationalized eating laxatives is less unhealthy.

I am so glad all of you replied, I am so grateful, honestly it makes me feel like there are good caring people in the world and I just can't even convey how much that means to me.

So Thank you everyone !

[CANDC]

persevere, glad your confidence is restored. Congratulations on doing school older in life.

I feel sorry for the professor too. He must have no friends with that perfectionist noncompassionate attitude. He is failing his test as a person.

But you will get through this class - hope you keep your scholarship

[persevere]

Originally Posted by CANDC

persevere, glad your confidence is restored. Congratulations on doing school older in life.

I feel sorry for the professor too. He must have no friends with that perfectionist noncompassionate attitude. He is failing his test as a person.

But you will get through this class - hope you keep your scholarship

Yeah, there is a guy he failed for the course who is also a police officer, and he is in mediation with the dean, the professor and to resolve this dispute.

What happened was in proof reading he did not catch that at the end of one of his quotes he forget the " and so the Professor failed him for the entire course for plagiarism.

So it would have been like this, CANDC said, " I feel sorry for the Professor to. (psychcentral, 2014)

But because he forgot the " at the end he was failed for the whole course.

I hear the Professor is taking a sabbatical next semester.

I wish it had been this semester.

[Standup2me]

Originally Posted by persevere

Yeah, there is a guy he failed for the course who is also a police officer, and he is in mediation with the dean, the professor and to resolve this dispute.

What happened was in proof reading he did not catch that at the end of one of his quotes he forget the " and so the Professor failed him for the entire course for plagiarism.

So it would have been like this, CANDC said, " I feel sorry for the Professor to. (psychcentral, 2014)

But because he forgot the " at the end he was failed for the whole course.

I hear the Professor is taking a sabbatical next semester.

I wish it had been this semester.

If you are going to school as an older student, I have a ton of respect for you.
It took a lot of courage to go back
It is taking a whole lot of willpower to get the grades that you do.

Be proud - you deserve a round of applause