[24Moondust24]

I feel so disgusted by the the amount of weight I put on in the last three years. It seems that I finally look as disgusting as I feel. Before I would feel a bit comforted by my parents telling me I look okay. Yet, now they can not even deny how fat I am.

I tried the exercise where you list they things about yourself that you like and could not even write down one thing. I have been on holiday from university and I have left the house a handful of times. I can not remember what it feels like to feel wind on my face. I feel like a monster. I do not know how I will handle having to leave the house to go to campus. I can barely leave my room.

Any advice?

How did it get this bad?!

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

Good god, I know how you feel, with the exception of being told in look okay.

I was just looking up opinions about the idea that overweight is a moral failure. The answer is apparently yes if it's caused by sheer overeating - stress and mental illness don't count. So we're failures and bad people. That's motivating.

I don't know how long I've been overeating regularly - it's been at least 3-4 years, but I've been carrying extra weight for about a decade. I hate how out of control I feel, how sick I sometimes make myself because I can't stop eating even though I'm not hungry... and yes, I hate how I look.

I wish I could help. Instead I just know how it feels.

24MoonDust, blessings. I went from 221 lbs down to 152 lbs in 2014 when i had cancer. It is in remission. So i can eat now! And i am back up to @ 180lbs. Am i over weight? I sure am. So i have to force myself to go for a walk every day. It is not the weight it is the toning up of your muscles. If you LOVE YOURSELF Then Just Do it. At college talk to the administrations office, ask for another person(s) who they know of who also is overweight.
Then you can start a support group called THE WALKERS, and you can walk three times a week. You can discuss your subjects, your grades, everything. And you will be a positive example and influence for all the others on campus who are suffering the same things. You will even find people not overweight wanting to walk with you for your courage and example. However, it all starts today, this moment. You make the decision and then you walk, everyday. In Europe they walk everywhere and that is why they have huge celebrations of walking 20 miles or 30 miles as a town or community. It is a way of life for them. You have the gift of two legs, use them dear. Blessings...

[waggiedog]

. It's just so sad and hurtful to ourselves, the sheer way we hate ourselves, probably a lot more than other people do, even if they do, which I doubt. We are our own worst enemy but what's the answer, I haven't a clue. I've detested 'me' for 30 plus years and somehow I don't think it's gonna change now. It's a vicious circle, we hate so we eat and we eat 'cos we hate! It's weird because even when I was actually anorexic and in the psych hospital, I KNEW my beloved 'thinness' which a liked so much, was never really mine for keeps. It was only mine until the next bulimic binge, or the next damaging cycle of binge stave purge and on and on. I'm now 57 and I truly thought I'd be over my serious eating disorders by now ~ guess it doesn't work that way. Xxxxxx.

[Cat_Lover_58]

I agree with the walking. Odd for me, but I had my car repossessed in Dec., but had been walking since it quit running. It's been almost 2 months, I still eat and eat more when stressed, but I get out and walk..to the store, the bank, everywhere. I can hop a city bus but I also get off at an earlier stop and walk. (unless it's 15 degrees or raining hard) It helps clear my head and the cold feels good on my face. I feel alive, which helps my depression. Go for it!

[waggiedog]

. Hi everyone and many thanks for your always honest messages. I def agree, if we can force ourselves to even walk over the threshold of our doorsteps and just look around, it's a step forward. I deliberately said getting over the threshold of our "safe" place because I know for sure some of you have mentioned not just their various eating disorders, but also other debilitating mental challenges/problems. For instance depression, which can occur either because of or alongside eating disorders, which I'll call ED's from here on. I know when I've been on a horrible binging run, I hate going outside, just want to hide my hideous self away. I feel as though everybody somehow can see by how gross I look that I've been pigging out, I get ashamed and acutely embaressed. I can't even look in a mirror. When I'm depressed theres actually a LOT of difference in how I look and yes, I HAVE been told this by well meaning people. . On a "good run" I.e. Restricting greatly on what and how much I eat, rigidly sticking to my delegated bland soft food. Like skinny shop bought soup for lunch n potatoes chips (2 small bags) or cheese and biscuits at night. That's it, no meat as I try and be veggie. I don't for once instance advise any of you reading to follow this style of eating, you need to find your own way, that suites your system and way of life. I can't eat crunchy foods as my teeth are sooooo frail due to damage my years of bulimia. My bones are brittle due to oestoprosis, again bulimia and anorexia. I couldn't have been a Mum, damage from my anorexic years. My sometimes severe depression, self harm and solitary existence I learnt only 6 years ago (after 34 years of suffering) is down to a condition called Borderline Personality Disorder, something I wouldn't wish on anyone. If anyone is ever in need of a listening ear and who won't be shocked, I'll be very happy to chat, if you want to rant/vent, then that's fine too!! Bye for now, X

[waggiedog]

Opps, so sorry about the above unintended changes of ink colour and size. It's because I'm using my iPad n it's soooo sensitive to the touch. Xxx

[24Moondust24]

Thank you all for sharing your experiences and feelings. I dearly appreciate it...

ScientiaOmnisEst: I truly understand what it feels like to believe that being overweight is a moral failure. My parents have told me I am okay but, they have only said that because they feel like failures too for having a daughter that is not pretty. My dad has told me many times that he would would never have got involved with a woman that looked like me. He told me about this girl he dated who was overweight and said that she was disgusting. He also told both me and my mom why he got involved with her. He said it was because he is the best she is going to get. I know that is the reason why I would never get into a relationship. I would never want someone to feel that I should be honoured that they settled for me.

omegalamed & Cat_Lover_58: I have tried the walking club thing at varsity but, they people I started with wanted to start running and I could not continue. So I started going to the gym until people at the gym started making comments about me. My last time there a gym instructor told me that I would have to accept that I would never be ideal. So me giving up exercise is not only about being lazy.

waggiedog: I know how you feel. Even when I was skinnier I was still called fat. I still felt ugly then. I know that losing weight is not the answer to my problems and I am so sorry that you have to feel they way you do.

waggiedog: Thank you for the invitation. I know it is hard helping someone when you dealing with your own struggles. Really sweet.

I want to thank all of you again for replying. Please feel free to send me a message whenever you want.

[Fuzzybear]

[cryingontheinside]

I can relate to how you feel. Since taking meds three years ago I've piled on the pounds and don't want to face anybody. I feel so ugly. You are not alone. I hope that is some comfort.

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*hugs*

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