[ally9901]

I have never told anyone what I have been experiencing in detail as I did not want to burden them with my problems. But I feel like I should get it out somehow and I feel like it would be more comfortable if I were to do it online behind a screen.

I struggled with my relationship with food since I was 13/14. I was always slim, I don't know why or how I thought I was fat. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror without crying or having suicidal thoughts (I still do). When I was 16 I developed anorexia but it didn't cause me any health problems, I was just underweight and had a fear of certain food groups.

My anorexia soon turned into binge eating and compulsive eating and I have been struggling with that for a year now. I have gained weight and I feel absolutely DISGUSTING AND UNATTRACTIVE. From the outside I am told I look "average" but in my eyes I am gross. My clothes are all tight on me and words DO NOT express how upset this makes me feel.

All I can think about is food, weight and fat. Because of this I am unable to complete tasks and unable to focus on anything. My aspirations and dreams are becoming impossible to reach because of my obsession with food and binging. It makes me even more frustrated knowing this.

I have been to a psychologist but she was very unhelpful. We did nothing. We talked about the same things over and over again and when there was nothing to talk about, there would be silence. After 5 or 6 sessions I quit because it was becoming a waste of time. I watched youtube videos, read books and other people's stories and tips and techniques for binge eating BUT NOTHING WORKED FOR ME.

I have the mindset of "all or nothing". If I have one cookie, I struggle soooo much to stop myself from binging. My cravings are unstoppable and I can't go over 2 days without a binge.
I am so sick and tired of this cycle. I am desperate for a cure.

I feel trapped and cramped in a box that is way too small for me.

If you have any techniques you used that helped you for binge eating I would be very grateful!

[Skeezyks]

Hello ally9901: I'm sorry I do not have any useful suggestions for you. I don't have an eating disorder myself. As I write this, I'm binging on unsalted mixed nuts & roasted pumpkin seeds. So I guess that's my suggestion, for what it's worth. Go ahead & binge. But do it with healthy foods. (That's probably not of much help, I know...) I would presume other members, here on PC, will be able to suggest some better techniques.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

1 thing you could try is spendingl ess money a week on food, just buying the essentials you really need for the week.

sounds hard, but doable.

I'd also suggest seeking out another professional. sometimes it takes a few before you find the right one.

and post here.

maybe you'll pick up some stuff. we have a daily check-in thread you can post in too for support

[PGImprov]

Im going through the same thing you're currently going through... I don't know if this would help, but what about writing down your emotions before you eat, and then after. Then look at it in a week and see if there's a pattern. Maybe you'll see that you binge because you're anxious, or mad, or lonely and after you eat you might feel happy, or comfort... once you figure that stuff out, maybe you tackle that and go from there.

[Life Learner]

Originally Posted by PGImprov

Im going through the same thing you're currently going through... I don't know if this would help, but what about writing down your emotions before you eat, and then after. Then look at it in a week and see if there's a pattern. Maybe you'll see that you binge because you're anxious, or mad, or lonely and after you eat you might feel happy, or comfort... once you figure that stuff out, maybe you tackle that and go from there.

This is such a great idea! Upon reflection after reading that I realize I only binge eat when I feel stress, lack of sleep or if I have too much private time. I'm going to focus on preventing and nurturing those root areas and see if I make progress. Thx!

Originally Posted by Life Learner

This is such a great idea! Upon reflection after reading that I realize I only binge eat when I feel stress, lack of sleep or if I have too much private time. I'm going to focus on preventing and nurturing those root areas and see if I make progress. Thx!

good luck life learner.

and welcome!

I wonder how you're doing ally?

not seen you around

I hope everything is okay

((((hugs)))))

[Life Learner]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

good luck life learner.

and welcome!

Thank you! I've been doing your idea too about spending less and only buying what I need. I'm a few weeks into that and it's helping a lot. I still majorly struggle but it's been helpful to try to change the focus. Meaning instead of trying to cut back because of ED, I've been studying more about food waste in the world, being more environmentally conscious and training my motive to be that instead of fixing ED. And I've started studying and reading about retraining the senses and discovering new flavors in food when we eat each bite slowly and with purpose and appreciation as if it's our last bite. So I'm learning a new appreciation for food and training a new kind of self control through appreciation in minimized quantities.