[What_the_hell]

Writing here to cheer myself up.. to hold myself accountable for what's happening, maybe it will help.
I have been dealing with overeating/bingeing on and off for about 5 years. I had times when I was doing really well for couple months but then it will come back, sometimes in a once-a-week mode but sometimes it would consume me for couple days in a row :\ I am an active person, I want to live my life and to not care that much about what I am eating - I want to eat mindfully, but not obsess over food. I don't find myself obsessing too much, rather it is a problem to stop/control How Much I am consuming...
I also have desires of substituting addiction for food with addiction to other substance(s). Thoughts of going back to smoking (suppresses appetite) and drinking or both.. I wish I could just keep eating, and keep drinking, and then smoking and forget about everything.. Just let it go and be free. I am not sure where it is coming from. I live away from home since I am 16 and I am pretty homesick, but I think moving back home won't magically solve this issue. I don't know what to do.

Two years ago I tried Ayahuasca and felt awakened to self-love, my eating habits improved and I was free from binges for about 4 months. Then it crept back in.
I am a meditator, a dancer in the past and quite a conscious person in general.. I have close friends who are very supportive and caring, and they know I had eating problems in the past but I am ashamed to admit they are coming back now, I don't want to scare them and admit that I failed. or I feel like I failed, important distinction xD I just feel like I have been doing so much to solve this already, over these years , but it is still there, I am tired. Despite that I do want to find my way out. I do want to be able to sit with my ****** emotions and unpleasant thoughts and don't reach for food to make them go away. Thanks for reading, if you have any advice - please help..

Yesterday I was just in the mode of '**** it', I binged again and also drank 6 cans of cider.. i felt very free and like I could care less, like I want to totally mess it up and don't give a ****. But today I know that I made a mistake. It scares me that it felt so pleasant but I know deep down I want to be on a different path. Please share if you had similar experiences and got out, thank you.. <3

[What_the_hell]

this evening has been a rollercoaster. Went to see a good friend, had some tea and shisha.. and a bunch of peanuts. Pretty much peanuts, soup and coffee was all I had today, still feeling pretty full from yesterday and hope to be back to normal appetite tomorrow.
Intense relationship situation reappeared tonight.. and after it I was so tempted to go home and binge&drink but I am not doing it. Put some sexy music on and danced a little. Still waiting for a girl I like to write be but that's not a big deal - if I allow myself to zoom out and see a bigger picture... yeah, that's not a big deal at all. But still wish she wrote me.

[What_the_hell]

Hey all if anyone is reading XD Today I feel I am stronger than the cookies! Battling with cravings all the time but discovering the inner peace within that does not have to be about eating. It's hard. Part of me just wants to cancel everything and get drunk&overeat, forget 'be free' but I remind myself this is Not Freedom. This would become a personal prison if I follow through. What is Freedom is letting the urges pass. Right now it is working. I don't know what will happen next but in this moment I am content.

[Bipnik]

Hi What the Hell, I feel your suffering. I think I have BED and can relate to everything you are saying. Well done for managing to gain some control over it at the moment! That's fantastic! I know how hard it must be for you! Are you getting any therapy to help you with this disorder?

[What_the_hell]

Originally Posted by Bipnik

Hi What the Hell, I feel your suffering. I think I have BED and can relate to everything you are saying. Well done for managing to gain some control over it at the moment! That's fantastic! I know how hard it must be for you! Are you getting any therapy to help you with this disorder?

Hi there! Yes, I am getting counselling and also have a peer mentor (who is actually more helpful). Things got worse for a couple days, actually, and I reached out for help. Right now it is changing again, thanks to the peer mentor and to this video

I started a program that helped the guy in the video and my mindset is now turned upside down (in a positive way )
How long have you been struggling with this? I am sorry to hear you might be having BED.. sending you a hug and support, things do change

[What_the_hell]

Have been doing this course by Tony Robbins for 12 (or 13?) days. Haven't binged and learned how to do a lot of tricks with my mind to really be there for myself when I feel like going to unhealthy patterns. Quite a lot of work, but So worth it! The course is called "The Body You Deserve" but I renamed it "The Life You Deserve" because body image is not exactly what I want to address. I am still quite petite (although yeah, I would love to be skinnier, ideally) but what scared me is not my belly - I'm Ok with my belly, I'm a belly dancer after all! - but being out of control when it comes with food. This state when your mind goes blank, you are on autopilot, as if watching yourself from above.. eating and eating more.. chills and fear come to me even now when I recall this state. It sucks.
But being able to really scratch this old pattern.. and to find out that even if you still have this pattern - there is nothing wrong with you, you just gotta keep scratching it and replace with a new pattern then... Is so ****ing liberating! It's a journey. If you are reading this and are coping with binge eating - know you can do it, you CAN reshape your mind and how you respond to things. It takes a while and requires some commitment but it is possible and you are SO, So Worth it <3

I wish luck to myself and whoever is reading it.