[LMo]

Well, I might as well continue this thread here.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make it better

[LMo]

Well, I might as well continue this thread here.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make it better

[EJ711]

Well I don't know what to do with my husband either.

EJ

[EJ711]

Well I don't know what to do with my husband either.

EJ

[wi_fighter]

Don't push him or guilt him into getting another job right away, if he's not up to it. Be sympathetic to his feelings right now, as much as possible. I don't think there is any way you can MAKE it better. He's going to have to take some initiative, with your support. He's such an active guy, there must be some other type of job in the outdoor recreation field that he can find that he enjoys. So what if he doesn't have an "adult job" that your dad and stepmom approve of. It's his life. If he wants to be a snowboard instructor and bike tweeker the rest of his life, that's his prerogative. You should get to do what you know and what you're good at. If he has that opportunity because of the kind of work you, do, that's awesome.

Hopefully, since it wasn't technically a firing, he won't have that hanging over his head. There was simply a restructuring that wasn't feasible for him to accept at this time. Well, it sounds good on paper anyway, might be a little harder to swallow in actuality.

[LMo]

You're right, Wi_fi. My fear (and this is MY anxiety and has less to do with him than it does to do with me) is that the longer he goes without a plan or a job, the more it will build up to be an insurmountable problem. I don't care WHAT he does for a living as long as he's not depressed, but he's got to do something. I'm just feeling terrified and panicky (again) that it's going to regress into full-fledged non-functioning depression again. I KNOW the the longer he doesn't have a job, the more he'll procrastinate about getting one -- it's his MO -- but also the more I pressure him, the harder it is for him to feel like he's ready. Such a catch-22, but EVERYONE (including you, my friends, and my T) tell me that I have to just stay out of him and his career planning unless he asks me for help. It's really hard for me to do that, knowing that him having a job is his most reliable anti-depressant.

He slept most of the day yesterday but kind of perked up when I got home. He had been looking at commercial real estate for his business idea, and he found one for me as well (I have a separate business idea). We worked on the plans for a few hours and then walked to a restaurant about 20 minutes away for dinner. He seemed back to his "good" self by the time we went to bed.

We'll see. Every day is a new day. :|

Thanks for your support, everyone.

[EJ711]

LMo -

I understand how you're feeling.

Keep us posted.

EJ

LMo, hands off! this is your 11 year old mentor speaking!

i can't fix anyone and at times, i can't even work on myself. so, let him be for awhile....keep your chin up and focus on yourself and your work. as active as he is, i bet some bike riding and such will help keep his head clear.

and at 84, you're much too old to be fixin' someone else. love, pat

[LMo]

?

exactly what did I say that inspired that response??

most of that was trying to make you smile. i was concerned for you. i am sorry that that i've upset you. p

p.s. i remembered that we had joked about our ages sometime back. sorry.

LeeAnn, in no way was I trying to negate your feelings or your situation. You've been one of the best friends that I could ever have.

I take my own life experiences and give advice and there are plenty of times when that doesn't work. I was trying to give you a smile and support. And the support is for you and hubby both.

I do feel that I've hurt you or made you angry and for that, I'm very sorry. I would never intentionally hurt you.

xoxox pat

[LMo]

no - no - it's ok - I was just offline. Of course I remember that you are 11 and I am 84. I was just confused by the comments about "fixing" him. I don't think I ever even implied that I was trying to do anything like that. I'm more concerned about toll his depression takes on me right now - he has a lot more control over it than I do.

One thing I should mention is that while I can read posts during the work day from my cell phone, I can't really type much -- the little keyboard is really cumbersome. Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner.

By way of an update, we had a long therapy session last night, and our T was awesome, as usual. She set both of us straight, and made it really clear that while I should not have to walk on eggshells and suppress talking about things that are important to me just because they trigger my H, at the same time, I need to remember to use my "I" statements. Such as: "I feel [frustrated, worried, scared, etc] when you [spend a lot of time sleeping during the day; procrastinate, etc] because [it affects our future; I have to work harder to keep the house clean; etc]. Funny - I have paid thousands of dollars this past year taking communication courses, yet when push comes to shove, I never remember to do the stuff I learned, even though in theory it all makes perfect sense. Sigh.

He's doing a million times better, though. It looks like it was more of a dip in the road rather than a bottomless pit. He has decided to go back and work part-time for the jerk while he figures out what to do long-term. I think it's a good move, but I'm honestly suprised that's what he wants to do. Again, making me proud that he is thinking so clearly, and can put his pride aside for the sake of doing what's practical. He's still my hero

[Sabrina]

"he's still my hero" ....................

I can only smile and nod, and FEEL!!

I have not participated actively in your thread but I have followed it every step of the way.

I admire you LMo .... I really do!!!

[wi_fighter]

Me too.