Depressed long-distance boyfriend

Hi,

So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years now, and over the course of our relationship, there have been stretches of time where he has exhibited what I understand to be common symptoms of depression. He has acknowledged himself that he does often suffer from depression, but has never been to a doctor about it. I know it runs in his family as well.

We lived together for three years, but now are living in separate states due to work. It was easier for me to be there for him and help him with his depression when we lived together, but I don't know what to do for him now. He recently lost his job and has become very distant, spending most of his time playing video games and drinking heavily. He rarely replies when I try to contact him, and when he does, I feel as though I make him feel worse when trying to cheer him up. He is a very proud person, and I don't know how to convince him to seek help, or how to comfort him myself.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

hi cmccal
i know you want to help him get better and cheer him up but that is hard for a depressed person to deal with coming from personal experience. i dont choose to be depressed and if i could be happy i would definitely choose that instead and it makes me feel bad that i cant be happy when you are trying so hard to make me happy. it makes me feel guilty that i cant please you and i feel like i am dissappointing you. and that makes me more depressed. i really just need someone to listen and understand where i am at. i know that that is hard for you because it hurts you to see me suffer.

encouraging him to get help is a good thing to do. meds changed my world. go to nami.org and see if there is a local affiliate near you and you can get some support on how to help him.

welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome.

This is surely a hard situation for you. I guess like kaliope said you could try to get him to go see a doc for meds or a therapist but it will ultimately be up to him to get help. I hope you find some answers. I have never been very good at making someone help themselves. I tried this with my mom too many times.

Welcome to PC. Keep reaching out here and at home. I wish you the very best here. Others may have some more feedback for you.

hi cmccal, welcome to Psych Central(PC). The other posts gave some good tips on helping your friend. I am also concerned with you and your well being.
In one way you seem to be concerned as if you are still together, but judging from his responses he has gone to a place where jobs, girlfriend and taking care of himself have fallen off the stove. I am sad for him but also concerned that over concern for him could lead to a difficult place.

Some people here at PC when a relationship goes on the rocks will get a therapist to help them with day to day stuff but also getting to the root of why someone might choose this type of situation and how to get back to a more fulfilling situation.

Hope you don't think me cold hearted. I am concerned for him but as they announce in the airlines. "If during the flight the oxygen masks come down from the overhead compartment, put yours on FIRST before putting on those of children or others with you."

Taking care of ourselves as caregivers is the first step in helping others in my experience. Avoiding burn out is always on my mind as a caregiver. Not out of selfishness but for really being there for others.