How do you deal with Nars?

Mental illnesses are axis 1 disorders and personality disorders are axis 2.

PDs occur on a day to day basis versus mood disorders which are more episodic.

https://www.elementsbehavioralhealth...mood-disorder/

Somebody with a personality disorder is likely to have significant problems interacting with others because he or she is fundamentally different from most people, whereas with a mood disorder, a period of intense happiness or sadness is the only real departure from the norm.

Everybody's opinion is interesting to me here. I am glad that there are different people posting about their experience with nars, different perspectives. I hope the people who have nars. check back in this thread and respond. Naracissm and the traits you have had to come from somewhere (nature/nuture), right? It not your fault and i need help dealing with nars in my life that are in in a very vindictive phase and are out of control. It is not going to be a merry holiday season for me. If you have experience with nars in your family that great too, survival tips.

Peace!

Yes I have NPDs in my family. Several of them.

They are deeply insecure and shallow people. They act superior although they are inferior. I am the *****y, outspoken, black sheep of the family.

They try to control me and have for years. It no longer works because I have set boundaries and have no more fear of them. I stop speaking to them and kick them out of my house if need be.

Fortify your self esteem, knowledge and internal strength. Then they have no power.

I think that like anything else, narcissism is a combination of nature and nurture. For me personally I think it was more of a nature thing, but I don't think that's true of everyone with high levels of narcissism.

If you explained your situation in a bit more detail I would know how to help you better. I'll look back through your previous posts to see if you already did. I lack empathy but I do understand what it's like to deal with a bunch of narcissists that really have it out for you, I lived that reality. I would be a liar if I said it wasn't brutal for me to endure, because it was. What I did was bide my time until I could get away, I made plans of what to do long term.

Short term I tried to do whatever it took to get them off my back, and I'm saying this as a narcissist. Sometimes that meant choosing my battles wisely, if I was already dealing with a lot such as the holiday season I would come to some sort of compromise. I had to have my boundaries, and I had to be firm. But I also had to look at what they were trying to communicate, even when a narcissist is in a mood like this they are still trying to communicate it is just a flawed way of doing so. Asking for clarification helped a lot. Narcissists are still human and for me finding their humanity helped me to handle the ones in my life better, and unknowingly to me at the time it helped me to help me too!

It's unfortunate to hear that you're facing a rough holiday season. My least favorite season is the holidays thanks to my family, I do get that it's tough.

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I've heard of this NPD and BPD combination and I've found that to be very true of my interactions in this life. Borderlines have seemed unusually attracted to me, as friends or as lovers. They don't bother me because of their emotional intensity. I have someone in my life who is a wonderful friend that has BPD and she appreciates my more rational take on things, it's like the two of us balance each other out.

For what it's worth I do have feelings, I just don't express them... I keep them to myself and sometimes I can end up thinking I don't feel anything because my denial runs so deep. I'm still working on that one.

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I appreciate hearing your thoughts as usual, here_today. I did not take that person's post personally, but it did seem a bit uncalled for. Why? Because if anyone here has actually read my myriad of other posts in this forum, I am just as happy to talk to "nons" here as I am talking to another Narcissist like Underground. I don't have any malicious intent on this forum, a lot of the time I really do try to help so that post did perplex me as I wasn't trying to be harmful and I'm still clueless as to what it was exactly that I even did to warrant such a response. I know that I can often come across as callous, it is the nature of my condition... but I really don't know what I said this time that was so callous or otherwise hurtful that warranted that response.

As I said, I don't take it personally and I am not feeling hurt over it, but I am confused. I get that the nons in here are very hurt, and believe it or not I am being as sensitive as I can be. I am a survivor of abuse myself at the hands of Narcissists, it's not like I have no idea what it could possibly be like to suffer frank atrocity at the hands of people who fit the diagnosis of NPD.

I won't say anymore on this vein here as I think opening up my own thread here would be more appropriate but I wanted to respond to your post since you did mention me. I appreciate you sticking up for me, but it was not necessary. I do not expect nons to be accepting of me, they are hurt and understandably so. I was just trying to open up maybe a further dialogue to help the poster that lashed out at me, but apparently that member does not want that so I will refrain from mentioning it any further. I think what's done is done.

This part that I bolded is excellent advice, I hope the original poster of this thread reads it!

I am not trying to control the conversation, but it is good to get your perspective that it looks like I am doing that. Something to think about, thank you for sharing that.

Agreed. Not all depression responds to medication, that's why there's a whole "treatment resistant depression" board on PC. Most mental illnesses (and yes PDs are mental illnesses) need to be treated behaviorally with therapy as well as with medication.

And Axis III is physical illnesses, not that it matters because the Axis system went away in the DSM 5. Problems with social functioning would have been Axis IV.

People with anxiety can have significant problems interacting with others. I don't see what good alienating and vilifying people with PDs does for anyone - "victims" or people with PDs themselves. The goal is for everyone to get help, right? Or just to have a message board where people can b**** about how people with PDs are all abusive and not like "normal" people??

See? Stop trying to throw people out of the conversation for saying things you don't want to hear here today. It's helpful to some people even if it triggered you.

Are you okay? You sound angry...

I'm fine. ?

Okay good... Carry on!

I think it was an attack on something I found completely contradictory.

Which was your call for better understanding when a person is going through a phase. You preceded that call for better understanding by calling someone vindictive and went on to say that it turned your stomach sour. That's quite a powerful reaction to another person's words. That it can cause a physical reaction. So words are powerful. And on that premise, reading your words caused a strong reaction because I found them to be saying quite a few different things rather than just one clear message. To expand further, it appeared you were not applying the same rules of better understanding that you were conveying in the middle section of your paragraph. To me it read like a recipe for a cake.

Step 1. Take one person and single them out.
Step 2. Add some type of raising agent to rise above what you did in Step 1. Step 3. Add to Steps 1 and 2 by icing the cake with a gentle reminder from our sponsors.

I guess I just like clear messages and from my individual viewpoint which is my own eyes I didn't see a clear, cohesive response. From your viewing point you may be utterly confused by my responses! So I guess it comes down to speaking a different language. Mine is probably as foreign to you as yours was to me :-)

Nailed it.

That's exactly what this user said

Don't you have to take for granted that the narc won't change to even answer this Q? They asked how they can tailor their behavior because:

I expected the term "BSC" would have triggered the puke response from here today.

Thanks for your entire reply and I especially like your last two sentences.

Would you like some more input from my perspective?

I did not find my post to be contradictory. I pointed out that people besides those with NPD could be vindictive, in my experience. I didn't say that I couldn't, so I don't see a contradiction.

I think the difficulty may be a difference of "language", as you suggested. My "native tongue", my temperament, is analytical and logical. Perhaps yours, like most women, is relationship/values oriented. Doesn't mean that I don't care about relationships and values or that you can't do analysis and logic.

For instance, maybe you found my post to be contradictory in terms of values? And although I guess I was trying to address that in a way I didn't exactly know that's what I was trying to address and certainly didn't know all the ends and outs that you described and globularrae agreed about.

So thanks, I learned something!

Why would you expect that? And I wonder what you feel a personal comment about me adds to the conversation here? Just curious.

You asked for understanding and then you refused to be understanding to that user and called him/her vindictive -- that's the contradiction. Or rather the hypocrisy. You raked someone over the coals for not being understanding.

hypocrisy: the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one's own behavior does not conform; pretense.

What does being a woman have to do with anything? Also who said that user was a woman or that miss fiona is a woman? "most women" aren't analysis and logic oriented? I know a lot of female engineers who are also proud tiger moms who'd beg to differ.

It can't be all that helpful if you refuse to comprehend or accept anything he or she says.

I seem to have really ticked you off. It's certainly not something I intended.

You said you didn't understand what Miss Fiona meant and the user elaborated more fully and you still didn't understand and I tried to elaborate and now -- you've changed the subject.

It's not about intention. Anyone can intend anything it's what they've actually accomplished that counts.

All this back and forth is accomplishing nothing, which I guess starfruit realized a long time ago. So I'll take my leave.

To Pathway2Freedom, I'm unsubscribing from this thread but feel free to send me a private message if I can help any further.

I'm here to bring the rainbows and butterflies