A schizoid man has been "stalking" me...any insight?

Do you both only message online? Does he live near you? Does he call you? Do you contact him? Is it that you are worried he will look up your address and come to your house and hurt you and your family? Have you had a year of sex talking with him and that's where he told you about those fantasies? Does he have naked photos of you?

Sorry for all the questions, just trying to get the whole picture to try to help.

Hi Tisha Yes, we only message online. He does not live near me but he does have extended family that live near me. I am worried what he could do with my address. He has told me about his rape fantasies and he has told me more than once that he is stalking me. Then when I ask him about it directly he says he was just joking. But then he sends me disturbing links that suggest some violent fantasies or a fascination with violence and rape. He is open about being misogynistic and he sexually objectifies women. He is a sex addict and frequents prostitutes a lot. He is not ashamed to admit this.

He does not have nude photos of me but he could have saved all of my facebook photos before I deleted my account. I had quite a few photos on there, atlthough none were naughty. In the beginning I did used to flirt with him a lot, including some sexual innuendo, but then I stopped that once he started acting sort of creepy. I tried to distance from him at that point and I said we should stop communicating but he indicated that he would not respect my boundaries or wishes. He said he doesn't play by rules. He prides himself on this. He has no desire to be seen as a "good" person, to him that is a sign of weakness.

My main concern is if he is plotting to show up at my house one day. He has hinted at that several times, but then I don't know if its just a joke to him. I want to believe it is but at the same time it causes me a lot of anxiety. He seems very unpredictable.

Today I just told him again that we should stop communicating now. He didn't reply.

I'm sorry to admit I've had experience with this.

You must stop contacting him. You must stop answering his messages. You are most likely not the only one he is stalking. The chances of him looking up your address and coming to your house is very, very slim. The only way to get this to stop is to stop all contact. He will keep messaging you-- you must ignore it.

If the messages become threatening, call the police. Be honest with your family about this, if you feel it's too much for you to handle. Let them be on guard.

The police will call this man and tell him to leave you alone or they will arrest him. Chances R very good he will leave you alone once called by the cops.

Someone who had stalked me told me 'it's a good thing you filed that Restraining Order on me, otherwise I was never going to leave you alone. I was going to rape you and get you pregnant, then you would have had to be with me'. I had no clue how bad that guy was until it got that bad.

You must be strong and do not encourage him at all.

I'm very sorry to hear that happened to you Tisha. That sounds terrifying. I'm so glad you got the restraining order.

I agree, he probably isn't going to show up at my house some day. The odds are against it. If I know him as well as I think I do. Since he doesn't have a job I don't know how much money he has or what he does for money. I never asked him and even if I did I doubt he would give me a straight answer.

We talked again yesterday and he said he was planning to keep contacting me, etc. I think its just convenient for him. I'm a convenient target, its safe and he's already groomed me and gotten me where he wants me. He's getting off on the power, I think. Its a form of harassment and bullying, basically. He likes knowing he can invade my mental space and I can't do anything about it.

I'm not strong the way normal people are. I have a personality disorder that causes me to have soft boundaries and to be unassertive. For that reason people easily take advantage of me and violate my rights all the time and I am totally at a loss of how to stand up for myself and what to do about it. Its hard for me to ignore people too, for that reason. Unless they do something to really hurt me, then I can. But if no line has really been crossed its very hard for me to take any assertive steps to protect myself.

I guess I will have to, though. It looks like he won't stop. He probably won't come to my house but he will keep invading my mental space and I will always be unbalanced and confused, etc.

As you may know Cluster B people can be very charming. He is, despite the bad things I know about him, he still has a charisma and charm that can be hard to resist. If he were disgusting or repulsive then it would be easier for me to set a boundary. I know enough about him to make him repulsive, in a way, but then again he is sort of like a hologram that is always changing. I think he must be doing some very skilled and advanced manipulation tactics. I think his combination of personality disorders is very dangerous especially for someone like me.

I know I'm just rambling here now, but this is the only place I can talk about this now. Thank you for listening.

Everyone's advice has helped and it has helped me a lot to get my thoughts down in writing.

I set myself up, not using the best judgment. Naive or a PD? IDK. Why do we see all the red flags, but don't react to them until we are in too deep?

Be smart and safe. The guy's a creep.

I ended things with him and all he said was "Don't let it bite you in the ***."

I can't figure out what this means. Is he threatening me? Its very ambiguous to me.