A schizoid man has been "stalking" me...any insight?

He tells me he has been diagnosed with Schizoid as well as Cluster B personality disorders. He has been "pursuing" me for nearly a year, getting into contact with me almost every day. I know it doesn't sound very Schizoid. I have told him to stop at times and he said he won't and has "joked" that he is stalking me and that I will never get away from him.

He also has personal information about me that could be used against me so I sort of feel like I have to go along with things. He has gotten me into a vulnerable position where he has a lot of control and power over me.

The situation has been very confusing to me. I'm not sure what he wants from me. He is Schizoid so I know there's a very little chance he actually wants a relationship. He says he talks to me because I'm fun and he's bored.

I'm not sure how I feel about him. He doesn't paint himself to be a very trustworthy or "good" person (Cluster B diagnoses).

Any idea what could be motivating him? It seems very out of character for a Schizoid. I would appreciate any feedback because I can't fathom where he is coming from or what he wants from me. He is taking up a lot of my mental space due to my own confusion and his almost constant pursuit of contact with me. I can't get any straight answers from him besides what I already posted here.

Any insight would be much appreciated. Thank you in advance.

It might be for similar reasons as my "neighbor' stalking me, power and control. He also has personal information about me, that would be hurtful.

Start collecting things which prove the stalking. Audio is good, collect recordings of you telling him to stop and his mind game replies.

Make a log of his phone calls, and avoid him in person.

There are a lot of dos and don'ts to list regarding stalking. You want to gather evidence for the police and for a restraining order if you want to get one.

I wish you all kinds of good luck with this.

BTW, I also was diagnosed with " B" personality disorders. It doesn't mean a person is bad; it depends on the person's moral and ethical values.

Just want to add, I meant there's a lot of info online that can help with hopefully stopping your stalker.

Also, about the cluster B personality diagnoses, well yes, it can mean a person is bad, but borderline personality disorder has a lot of good people with it. The Antisocial personality disorder is one you want to be wary about. It doesn't necessarily mean a person is bad, but it often does mean the person is one to avoid.

Whatever info he has on you is not worth playing into this dangerous relationship with him. I suggest you cut off all communication, let him carry out any leaking of the info if he wants, and go to the police.

Thank you for the replies

He says he is a sociopath, which has me worried. Also from my observations of him he does not seem to have many morals.

Are Schizoids or sociopaths known to get obsessed with people? I really can't fathom what he wants from me. I guess I entertain him, at least that is what he claims.

Anyhow as I said he is taking up a lot of my mental space and not knowing what he is after makes me uncomfortable. I'm not sure what he is capable of, or if this is all just some bluff or some game he is playing just to intimidate me to give himself a feeling of power and control?

This has been going on since the middle of last year. Anyhow I will follow your suggestions.

I think he is just trying to get me to like/love him. He says he does this to people, he likes to seduce them, I guess it gives him some kind of Narcissistic supply? But he says he has never cared about anyone and never will. He did tell me he loved me one time last year but otherwise he never talks about his emotions an claims not to have any.

So he is just a sociopath/narcissist and I'm just another victim?

To be honest I'm trying to scare him away by pretending like I'm madly in love with him. I keep talking about our future, etc. I think if he feels he has "conquered" me then he will get tired of the game and move on? That is what I'm trying, even though it sounds kind of strange.

I don't have the strength to be able to just ignore him, and as I said he has potential blackmail material he could use against me and my entire family so I don't want to frustrate him or make him angry. I'm trying to bide my time until he just gets bored of me and moves on to his next target.

He's getting into my head and obviously I don't want to fall in love with him because there is no way he could reciprocate it, from what he says. (I have some Personality Disorder issues as well btw.)

I'm getting really nervous. I think he's trying to break me. I know I can't compete with him, I'm not a sociopath. He's much more ruthless and cunning. I'm weak and easily manipulated.

I don't know why he has targeted me or what he wants. This is like slow torment. I've tried different things to get him to leave me alone and he won't. He doesn't take no for an answer.

He just enjoys the cat and mouse game I guess. I think he just likes the idea of pulling my strings and controlling me like a puppet. I don't know what I can do. He seems to have all the power. All I can do is wait for him to get tired of me?

I believe he knows all my personal info, name, my family's names, and with the Internet the way it is now there is so much that can be found online. Its all public, phone numbers, addresses, etc. I deleted my facebook but too late, he already has the info if he got it while it was still up.

Then again I could just be overreacting. I don't know though

If he's pursuing you and you want him to stop, take detailed notes on everything he does to tell the police that he's stalking you, so you can prove it. And get a restraining order. Wishing you the best of luck.

Thank you Angelique

I guess that is all I can really do. I can't beat him at his own game. I think he's calling my bluff, since I talking about our "future" together and love and marriage, etc., and he's acting like he likes the idea. As I said I think he's just calling my bluff though. He might know what I'm trying to do, so its not working on him.

I just wish I knew what he wanted. Well, he wants power and control, I guess. Its so hard for me to understand that. My personality issues are different so its hard for me to get inside his head and understand his motivation. Its so foreign and alien to me.

Last night I kept waking up from nightmares. This happens to me whenever he increases his "pursuit" of me. I feel invaded. Its like some kind of emotional rape. That is exactly what it is and how it feels. And I have no idea how to stop it.

I just realized it. What's going on. It is emotional rape. That is what he is into, and its working. I'm scared of him yet I'm oddly attracted to him at the same time. Attracted but repulsed. Its so weird. He may never leave me alone, as long as he gets something out of it.

I will keep things documented as you suggested. I honestly don't think I have enough for a restraining order. He seems to know how to keep under the radar, he doesn't make any direct threats or intimidation, everything is very subtle. The police wouldn't understand or they will think I'm crazy/paranoid. I used to work closely with the police so I know a lot about how they operate.

I think this can only be resolved between me and him. He is stronger than me though. I've really gotten into a bad scenario with this and I have no idea how or why. He just targeted me for some reason. I feel completely helpless.

Can you alter your schedule so he doesn't know when to bump into you? Is there another entrance/exit you can use to avoid him?

Just a couple of ideas. I've been conned, I know what you mean when he works under the radar.

What you're doing is playing a very dangerous game with this individual agoodone. I have had a middle aged hostile and unrelenting male stalker for 14 years now...so I can tell you without hesitation that things can get worse very quickly. From the way you describe this person he is very unstable...he percieves others intentions & motives differently than most people. My advice to you is to ignore ignore avoid avoid...he wont get tired of you if you continue to respond to him, even negative responses will keep him motivated to continue persuing you.

Apparently my stalker suffers from 'erotomania' amongst other things...the guy you describe sounds very similar. The only way to get him out of your life is to not acknowledge to him that he even exists. By all means continue to document every instance he approaches you or attempts to engage with you...as you may need this information at a later date. Please stay safe agoodone.

Aviza that is great advice. For awhile there I did change my schedule around to avoid him and it did seem to work a little bit. He has no job and no life though, so he has all the time in the world to devote to this, if he chooses to.

Quarter Life thank you for the reply and I'm very sorry to hear you have been stalked for so long. For me this has only been going on for close to a year, I can't imagine 14 years. You are right I'm playing a dangerous game. Erotomania could be involved. But either way, you are correct, he is very unstable and I can't even figure out how he thinks/operates. What motivates him? Its so alien to me.

The scariest thing to me is that he really has nothing to lose. As I said he has no job, no life, no family, nothing he is holding on to. Nothing to keep him going. He has even said he dosn't even care if he ends up in jail some day. Then other times he says he does care. He's extremely erratic. There is no way to predict him, each day he seems to have a whole new outlook, perspective on things. But that is what makes him dangerous. He is unpredictable and he seems to have nothing to lose.

I think my only option is to just completely avoid and ignore. I just hope that doesn't set him off some how. As I said he has all my information and my family's. I don't know what he could or would do with it. There's no way to predict his next move.

His personal motivation/reasons for his obsession with you shouldn't even factor in agoodone,.....Dont even begin to try to figure out how he thinks/operates, as this will change from day to day. Ask to have an interview with a senior police officer (not just a desk clerk)...and lay everything out for them. Stress to the Police that you have a genuine fear and leave it in their hands. Yes...once you start to treat him like he doesn't exist..he may become more hostile which can be worrying, but be strong and vigilant by reporting to police every time he tries to engage with you.

Agoodone...I am sure he most likely has some redeemable traits, but you really don't want this individual in your life.

Thank you again Quarter Life Today he even told me that I cannot understand him. He does not operate in a "human" way. Its driving me crazy, I want to understand. I think that is part of why some people have trouble walking about from Personality Disordered people, because they are puzzles and our brains want to work out the puzzle.

My mood is very anxious and depressed lately and I think its because of him. He is an expert at what he is doing, trying to occupy all my mental and emotional space. I tried to resist him from the beginning and I guess I probably underestimated him. He seemed sweet and endearing at first, almost like a child, and I felt a lot of warmth towards him. I thought I would always have more power and control in the relationship and that he would be just a sweet guy who gave me attention now and then. If I had known his true character I would not have given him the time of day. But it got revealed very slowly, and now its like his hooks are already in me and its too late. It doesn't pay to be a trusting person, these days, I guess.

I think he'll never let me understand him. I think its part of his ploy to confuse me on purpose. Never let me know what he is really thinking or feeling (if he even has feelings). I still can't fathom what he wants from me. Any answer he gives makes no sense to me. This is so weird and its really wearing on me.

I'll think about talking to the police. I'm really not sure what they can do, besides having this documented in case things were to escalate.

Has your stalker threatened you or tried to harm you? Having a stalker for 14 years sounds terrible.

I found out what he wants from me. He finally told me in a way that kind of makes sense. Its all just entertainment. He likes finding out what makes people tick and then pushing their buttons to get a reaction, to control them. Its like a game for him and that's the only kind of pleasure he can get out of socializing.

I'm not sure where that leaves me though. This has been going on for so long. It feels like so long. How long can I deal with someone pushing my buttons? He is very skilled at this. Its exhausting me. Sometimes he leaves me alone for a few days and I think he's done, but then he comes back and I get sucked right back on. The longest he's gone without talking to me is 2 weeks.

At least he is probably not dangerous if he is just entertaining himself. But it kind of puts me in an awkward situation. Will he get bored?

Go no contact 100%. Tell him the "friendship" is over and go no contact. Even if you run into him.

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Hi rainyday

I think going NC would be ideal. He seems to know how to work me though and wear down my resolve.

I think the fact he finally told me his "game" could be a sign he's ready to end the game now? Otherwise telling me would put him at a disadvantage in the game play.

If he continues after this I'm going to suspect there is definitely some romantic obsession. Even if he can't feel emotions I guess an obsession can still happen, just on a more cerebral level I guess.

I agree with this and all the other advice regarding protecting yourself. You should document everything, including your efforts at letting him know that you do not want him to contact you anymore. The police may not respond initially, but if you continue contacting them, politely, but firmly, they will have a dossier on the guy and will have some level of familiarity with him if he tries to step up his game. He is counting on you being vulnerable in order to continue with this, whatever his motives. He may have nothing to lose, but would he want the police involved in his life and possible incarceration?

Hey, thank you again for the replies, everyone

I think my plan may have worked. I have not heard from him in 5 days now. I think he gave up, unless he is just trying a different tactic now. Maybe a silent treatment to make me squirm, before he swoops in again? We'll see.

I'm thinking that he was being sadistic about things. He knows I'm sensitive and vulnerable. I think he was being evil in trying to "seduce" me and his whole goal was to seduce me and get me to fall in love, only to sadistically dump me just when I need him. Is that not evil? Its all a game to him to practice his seduction and manipulation skills, but with no thought as to how it might affect the other person.

Why would someone do that? Because they are a sociopath?

Thankfully I knew this and was able to resist him. Granted he did get inside my head a little bit. But mostly with making me anxious and ill at ease. I knew better than to fall in love with him, although I was intrigued with the "puzzle" of figuring him out.

I'm ready for this to be behind me. This guy is evil and he for some reason decided he wanted to hurt me.

oops..spoke too soon. He is back today. Didn't say anything but sent me a link to a very violent short movie. Those are the kinds of things he does that make me feel threatened or intimidated. Is he trying to send me a message? He does that often. I can't quite call him on it but it definitely makes me feel vaguely threatened.

Can you block him from your contacts? Continuing to ignore him and continuing to document all unwanted contacts are the ways to go, IMHO.

How did you meet this man? You don't have to be specific. I'm just wondering how he came to find you.

Thanks for your replies

I met him online. We had a short conversation yesterday. I tried to call him on what he's been doing. He always gives conflicting reasons. I think he just doesn't know, himself. And as someone said before, his reasons are always changing. I just want him to leave me alone. Five days went by, I thought that would be it. Then he popped up again. I'm sure another week or so will go by, then he will pop up again. Wtf does he want?

I know ignoring/blocking would be the best way to go but I also don't know if he could retaliate against me. We were connected on facebook before I deleted my account so he could have gotten all of my friends and family's names and info. I know I'm probably being paranoid but then again he has been diagnosed with several personality disorders, including Schizoid and more than one on the Cluster B spectrum. So he is capable of pretty much anything.

I just want him to fade out and get bored/annoyed of me and stop contacting me. I'm trying to give him the creeps or irritate him. But I also don't want him to catch on to what I'm doing.

I know it all sounds really crazy. It is. We are both disordered people and I'm in a very vulnerable position with him. He has all of my personal info plus he knows a lot of personal stuff about me. I have no idea why I handed that power over to him.

It scares me to know he could technically find my address. Anyone who knows my full name can. As well as my mother's. If it were just a normal person I wouldn't care much, but he seems to pride himself on being evil. He has no desire to be a "good" person. He also has a lot of stalking and rape fantasies. I just hope he finds someone else to occupy him. He has let up a lot on me. For awhile there he was in almost constant contact with me. Now 5 days or 3 days can go by without hearing from him. Maybe he has another target he is working on. That is my intuition.

Agoodone, as you were so relieved not to hear from him, can you ignore his message? You can't control if he contacts or doesn't contact you but you can control your reaction. You didn't miss him the 5 days before and were ready to go on with your life! The same is true now! You will feel threatened for a moment but living trough that could mean longlasting peace! Hope it works out for you!

Agreed. Any attention at all is reinforcing him thinking he can continue contacting you. Take care.