Long Distance Love and Care

Mom had a drink earlier, im not sure, saw orange juice in a glass... baby steps maybe.. we didnt talk much today but i tried a few times.. it hurts and im still breathing through this...

i read a lot of posts at PC today.. theres something about a Sunday for me... i know you all think different than i do about some stuff and i dont want to waste anyones time.. thank you and God Bless always..

(((ps muffy, i left some songs, love you)))))))

something i noticed just now... mom is a little grumpy (imo) but understandable... she did have one oj and rum as far as i know but then she ran out... she needed a space heater just now and she's going back to rest... no change, but alltogether, this is good... its back-stepping im not looking forward towards... the polar aspects keep me dancing here... hurts tho..

mom is sitting at the table now with the kids, the kids are working on some craft projects for Christmas.. cousins girlfriend is such a charming and bright light for us all in these times im glad ive met her

mom is calm, relaxed, sending good vibes .. she's the greatest when she's this way.. she had asked again for a bottle of rum but no one will get her one right now... it was too cold for the kids to walk about 2 miles for her and i guess she wont ask me again... it was hard telling her no and she cried some too and that always hurts me... but im trying so hard to remember why i have to intervene... i just dont want her to go that way...

she was cutting down on alcohol in the past but after some more family events, began to drink larger amounts again.... she had some kidney troubles before and i know that sort of thing returns...

i keep praying

mom is watching tv now... she needs the rest.. i am so proud of her! she has made an independent choice now to not drink... i dont know how she is managing the pain, i still hear the shrieks and moans but it is less now.. she sat in the kitchen all day, smoking a ciggarette, thinking... she was quiet, but peaceful...

the big holiday is approaching... mom is looking better

i got to thinking about this thing pride just now, how its been stated that its a sin and everything... i dont know, i have to think about it alot cause i want to say i am proud of a lot of people... they do good work, say good stuff, inspire me to be kinder so we all get along better, and i just dont know, i want to say im proud of them... i am definately thankful for them and i try to remember there are more than i ever actually meet in person.. they are working behind the scenes, they leave quietly after the show is over.. they set the tables and mop the floors and they are humble in many cases, happy in the simplicity of life... i admire them sometimes... but mostly i am most satisfied just being a thinker, a writer... i am praying for your safety tonight

Nowheretorun,

I understand exactly how you feel.

My best friend's sister died after a prolonged illness and hospitalization in the first quarter of the year. She lives on the east coast (I'm in Kansas). I wanted so badly to be able to be there, so I could cook food for my friend and her two twin nephews. It is one of my favorite ways to express love, and help people who are supporting their loved ones by going to be with them at the hospital.

My closest cousin died at the end of September. She also lived on the east coast. I also wanted to be there so badly, so I could hold her hand and tell her how much I loved her.

It's really hard, Nowheretorun ~

EJ

((EJ))) i have always connected to your sense of level headed-ness about matters.. thank you for taking time to reply to my thread... Mom and Dad both showed me love in life, there were times of extreme discomfort i have to say, but, after all these years, love came home

well, i didnt want to post in here tonight... im waiting to make a call to my sister about my Dad... i heard earlier today that he was doing very poorly and i was asked to come.................... what timing! God knows there is nothing i wont do for Dad and still i am largely frustrated at the moment.... i was at his home earlier this season and after attempting much peace making was not so kindly asked to exit the premesis for good by one step mom... i just cant get what motivates her.....

here i sit typing while im trying to figure this out... im up to my head at Moms at the moment, trying to help the kids with several projects, and now this... i told him this summer what to do to get in better shape for himself but did he listen?

my sister is right there, ready to help... what more can i do for him? not good not good.... i still love him.... there's no way that anything can change it......

(((nowheretorun)))))))))))))))))))))))
I am so sorry about your DAd. Waiting is the hardest part.
You have done everything you can for your Dad. Your sister is there.
Right now you are taking care of your mom.

Of course you love him
What would your Dad say right now? Thats your answer.
Its so hard being stuck between two places. My heart is with you as always.
My prayers for your whole family ........................
Muffy

(((muffy))) your support has meant so much, continues to... thats just the whole thing of it ... Dad said, his exact words, Take care of your mom. Now i will, i am, she is working hard for her grand-daughter and thats not much to ask after the llife she has had so far... at the core mom is the best....

i left a message with sis.... she must be sleeping... i heard more not so good news about it all and im really not liking it... i just dont see what i can do... its so hard... Dad asked me to come... thats whats hard and i know i want to and i know , blah, i know.....,. dangit.... so, being a big boy again, the kids and thier mom just walked in so i have to think a lot more... wish sis would call back.. she will...

i want to say words for all of us, cause, these words are for all of us, i wanted to connect with you and say some things about who i am, what i do, what i think and feel and thanks for reading... i care about you all too and i just get..... too darn busy is what it is and so i turn to a higher power... i know it exists and its at work now, making the world safer and healthier and giving it the push out of the ruts its in... i have no doubt you are working on good things to make our place better too... i wanted to connect with you and say, hey, we are not alone in this, it all just feels or seems that way sometimes... Dad isnt going to suffer much longer... his is the old way.. the way of justice and vengence and rightoues actions... i dunno, im just hoping for better health for us son... Dad matters, Mom does, the whole family does... if we dont get our place somewhere, we suffer... i welcome all of them... all of them.... and when they scare the heck out of me, i have to love them... its just what i have to do and they dont always have to understand it... its knowing i did what felt healthy to me today that seems like what im supposed to do.. i know i dont know everything and i know im not the center of matters... its about us all, its about breathing, and we all want to breathe...

sending as much cosmic love to the Moon, the Stars, the Sun, the Planets, and the loving being in the winds as one individual can tonight.. its New Years Eve... i believe in Love

((nowheretorun)))))))) The waiting is the hardest part. I wish I could wave my magic wand and make it better for you and your family.
Go with your heart on what to do.
I will pray for you and your Dad and your mom and all........
muffy

(((muffy)))))) when i visited Dad last time i made sure we made peace with each other, there is no animosity and we each knew it might be the last.... i feel settled and his soul regarding me i pray also feels the same... he will not have any bad memories in my mind...

your still telling me what i need to hear so very much.... you matter too

(((((nowheretorun))))))))))))))))
A good son you are .
peace in your heart with it is very important....
I will keep praying for your Dad, your mom and you.

nowheretorun, I think it was muffy who said listen to your heart. I agree. Do what feels right for you and your dad.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this long distance. I have 3D friends trying to cope with long distance caregiving. I don't know how they do it.

thank you lizardlady and muffy... i talked with Dad today, i am going there tomorrow... i will still be able to check in here... thank you for caring

love to Dad and all of you.. i went to Dads with an attitude that things could be worked out.. Dad and i talked for a few hours about peace in the world, peace in the family, peace within ourselves... it was good to have an adult talk with him... he heard me, i heard him.. we compared, shared and explored ideas together... there is no problem between us... step mom wasnt as helpful i have to say.. really makes me wonder... i was told that it was like i was taking over the house because i used the microwave without asking and i offered Dad coffee (removing the pot without asking) ... way against the rules i guess.. she wanted to know if i could ask permission? i said i could but i didnt get to tell her i hadnt because her manners had indicated to me that conversation was a no fly zone with her... i was just trying to get along...

well, now im back at moms... mom is doing better, the kids were in ok shape last i saw... going forward from here....

Nowheretorun, it's been a few days since you posted. How is your dad?

hi lizardlady... i talked with him by phone two days ago... heartbreaking and no way out of it... i explained things the way i see it regarding his physical care... i cant be two places and i am unable to resolve this dilemma with the step mom... tried all i can think of... distance from her is best ,while wanting to be near him does battle in my brain, but its decided and i explained it... sis can help Dad and will... Dad is still the best for me (next to Mom)... said he was sorry this is how it works out, i told him me too but accepting is all i can do.... sent him my love... thanks LL

i will be looking for my way someday... for now i am here, doing this, caring for mom and thinking about health.. i will always care for you... thanks for the memories always

(((Mom))) is watching her weekly spiritual program.. ((crying))))) i love her

My prayers are with your mom and you (((nowheretorun)))))))))))
your a good son to her....and a kind person and and spirit
muffy

((muffy)))) ty for all you have done to support me in these days and times, by listening to hours of my inner thoughts and pains and fears and worries and ty for holding on with me to the ideas of hope and healing... you are and will forever be so very important to me and i pray for your family and those who you meet in the path, that you will always be given rays of hope and sunshine in all your days ... Mom was doing pretty good today despite the pains of time left behind her

Nowhere, I'm in Maryland and my last remaining elderly relative, my aunt (father's sister) lives in San Francisco. I sort of decided late last year that I'm going to write faithfully and often this year; I guess it was when I decided to make a lap quilt and then couldn't really see what to do with it and decided I'd send it to her for Christmas. Well, I didn't finish until late January but it made an interesting subject as I told her what was going on and where I was in making it and sent pictures, etc. It gave me something to write about?

She'll be 88, April 7 and I didn't hear from her for a bit a few weeks ago and then she called me and she had been in the hospital. I'm fortunate that my cousin (my aunt never married, this is my father's brother's son) lives near her and keeps in contact and visits her, etc.

I think prayers and letters and kind thoughts and occasional phone calls can be every bit as loving and supportive as being there in person, I don't think you have to feel bad you can't be there for both parents. I'm glad your sister is on the other end for you too.

hi Perna, i like the ideas and the way you manage to stay connected, even from a distance... i think that doing something like what you suggested keeps the connection alive at your end... keeps those emotions attached and connected, with a place to belong to and in that way prevents any void we might feel without doing that and in that way we keep the circle of love and hope connected from within, in our own place, where we are, and that in turn gives us a little more of that 'whole' feeling so many of us seem to be searching for..

(nowheretorun)))))))))))))))) you and your family is very important to me...
Would never let go....Im glad your Mom is doing ok
being in a place between 2 is a hard place . You handle it with grace.
Your a good son to both of them. You know you are only one person.
Your doing a great job
all my love
Muffy

((muffy))))

i know (and so do you) that loving is the best energy we can give anywhere, anytime.. love is a protector and helper, advisor and friend.. love is the thing that keeps our mind and purpose in place, with focus, with direction...

ty for your love always