[jmo531]

HI. I havent been to this forum before. I usually stick to depression and anxiety. I have been DX'd with depression, panic disorder and OCD.
I have panic attacks, the usual kind, rapid heart beat, tingling, numbness and the whole nine yards. I am on Effexor XR so the physical aspects of my anxiety have been pretty controllable. However, when it comes to the mental aspect, I am not so in control. When I feel like this, I get very afraid that I am going "crazy" for lack of a better word. I get extremely paranoid. At times I think that my PDoc put me on meds cause the pharmaceutical companies are behind it all. When I lay down to sleep I hear conversations in my head. Not conversations that I can fully understand. It's like being in a busy lunchroom and I can hear differnet conversations and I cant really pick out just one. I dont hear people talking to me. But I get afraid of that. I have explained all this to my T and Pdoc and they both tell me that I have severe anxiety. I already know I have severe anxiety. I live it everyday. My question is, could it be more. My PDoc says I have a phobia of going insane and that plays a part in this. I'm confused and I need help. Do these symptoms resemble more then just anxiety or depression. I, was having intrusive thought. The worst kind. About hurting my youngest child. I would never do that. But my thoughts run wild and that particular thought causes me alot of guilt, anxiety and shame. What is wrong with me? I just dont understand.

[jmo531]

I dont even know if I'm in the right forum. I'm sorry.

[Mahali]

Jen,
I would consider getting a second opinion if it were me. Do the docs give any indication of how or what can be done for the other symptoms or why the meds only help the physical symptoms?

Hmm just seems like maybe you should have it explored further. But that is just my opinion.

Take care.

place

[Shadowsinsideme]

HI-

Your situation sounds a lot like mine..and i have paranoid schizophrenia. It started when i was 3 (hearing voices/seeing things) and slowly progressed. When i was about 9, i became extreamly paranoid and fearful of everything..believing i was being stalked by killers and that they were putting bombs outside my house, poisoning my food, hiding in my house, etc. I was also very fearful. Afraid i had a life-threatening food allergy, afraid i was going to die or my mom was going to die in a car accident or something. I became "phobic" and mistrusting of everything and everybody. I had panic attacks many times every day for years (until i got on the right meds)

For years, i was misdiagnosed with many things--first depression,anxiety,PTSD and a language processing disorder..then: psychotic depression, anxiety with panic attacks, OCD, ADD, and depersonalization disorder.

It wasn't until a year ago, when i was 17 that i was correctly diagnosed (with paranoid schizophrenia) these days, my symptoms include: hearing voices having conversations in my head and sometimes commenting on me, having visions, seeing things, feeling possessed/like others are inhibiting my body, paranoid delusions, delusions of refference,grandoise delusions, Thought disruption, intrusive thoughts (very similar to yours) Obsessive-compulsive-like symptoms, flat emotions, etc.

eh..sorry, i am rambling. Anyway, i hope i did not scare you...im not trying to tell you that you have schiz, Because of coarse im no doctor, and your symptoms could be caused by a vast number of other things (such as, psychotic depression, bipolar disorder, dissociative disorders, etc.). The chances of you having schiz are only about 1%. But the uncontrollable thoughts, OCD-like symptoms and paranoia, are all common symptoms of schizophrenia. Schiz is classified as a psychotic disorder and a thought disorder.

...As for the voices you hear at night when you are falling off to sleep...i am very confused about this myself. I experience the same thing (i hear voices when i'm wide awake, but they get louder and more clear when i am falling off to sleep) i have heard that this can be somewhat normal--to hear voices when one is falling to sleep. Then again, i have heard that it isn;t, so i really dont know--it's confusing the heck out of me.
. How long have you been hearing these voices?

Well, anyways. it is possible that you could have something other than depression/anxiety/and OCD. It's very common to be misdiagnosed when it comes to these mental illnesses. Maybe you could get a second opinion from another doc?
Have you told your current pdoc about all these symptoms? (the intrusive thoughts, voices you hear at night, paranoia, etc) they can't properly diagnose you unless you let them know about all your symptoms.

...I also have those horrible intrusive thoughts..like thoughts of murdering my mother and sister in horrible ways, throwing my dog off a cliff, incest, and other horrible thoughts i cant control and that i would never want...it makes me shudder to think about them.

Well, i wish you the best of luck

-Becka

[jmo531]

Hi Becka!

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am afraid. Very afraid. I do not hear the voices as mush as I used to. The funny thing is my father said that he experienced the same thing around my age which is now 31. I have told both my T and PDOC my symptoms and even outright asked them if I could possibly be schiz. PDOC told me I would have exibited symptoms at an earlier age. She did however once mention Bipolar. I am not sure about this. I am not sure about anything. I am almost in tears here because the other day I had a horrible thought about my puppy Gracie. For like and entire day I was afraid of her because I thought she was evil. I dont know what is wrong with me. Am I hopeless. Can I be helped or will I alway have to feel like I'm in hell and being punished. I am very afraid.

[jmo531]

Just to clarify, I know that the thoughts of thinking that Gracie (my puppy) was evil, I know that Gracie is not evil. It's the thoughts that scare me. I can recognize that my thoughts are irrational but still, they are very scary and very bothersome to me.

[jmo531]

Thanks Fury. I went and saw my T today and unloaded on her. I felt much better after. I will post the contents of my session in the psychotherapy forum when I can collect my thoughts. Thank you.

[jmo531]

Place,
I saw T today. She explained as well as Pdoc that I am on a low dose of effexor xr, snri and that she want to add an ssri to the mix and this should help with the intrusive thoughts. Im frustrated and tired.