Diagnostic Criteria for Avoidant Personality Disorder

A pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, and hypersensitivity to negative evaluation, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:

avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection
is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked
shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed
is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations
is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy
views self as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others
is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing

Internet Mental Health copyright © 1995-2005 by Phillip W. Long, M.D.

http://open-mind.org/SP/Articles/1c.htm

Unfortunately I am very familiar with all of these criteria

I thought a forum would perhaps be a bit easier to cope with for me-- but I find my same old reactions come out here too.

I have read your link before and can relate to it also-- I usually have more a "flight" reaction-- than a "fight" one--- I just disappear and don't voice how much I'm hurting-- leaving the other person/persons wondering what happened to me!

This way of thinking-- that I am not going to be liked- or won't want to be included-- is such an automatic pattern-- I feel trapped and hopeless of ever escaping! Any perceived negative response I receive, leaves me hiding to protect my "burned" heart from social interaction. It's a horrible way to be-- lonely with a self-perception of weakness ---- I very much wish I could not be so fragile.

I wonder, how much do you relate to from the criteria??

Thanks for sharing, and wishes of better tomorrows-- for you!

mandy

Hi Mandy,

Thank you for sharing a bit more about yourself!

For how much I relate to the criteria, I relate almost at 100%. I do have achieved over the years to put a very good facade when I have to deal with the public, like work, meetings, interviews, things like that.

But I do not confront people unless it's for the protection of my kids, but never for myself. Like you I flight instead of defending myself and then I will isolate, sometime isolate way too much to the point I can become suicidal, I have to be very careful with this part and fight to try not to believe my mind which keeps telling me how a worthless s**t I am.

I'm always on my gard for the first sign of rejection. My self esteem and self worth is almost to zero so, in my mind and heart, who would like me enough to even want to say Hi to me.

You wouldn't believe how many posts I have written here and click delete before anyone could read it. Avoidancy is really strong in me but I do fight it like I'm doing right now.

Do I post this or not?

Time0

[SeptemberMorn]

If you could see "you" like I see you...

Don't know what to tell you, Time0... but you're NOT the piece of ***** you think you are. Quite the contrary!

You are beautiful on the outside as well as on the inside. What makes you beautiful on the inside? You're:
caring
patient
long suffering
gentle
honest
loyal
intelligent
talented...

just to name a few qualities. And... I love you!

Thank you sweetie!

I didn't really wrote this post to have compliments. I just wrote it for I don't know why. Maybe to let people know in here what APD is and that some of us are suffering from it and it makes us really unsafe to post about ourself but by just being here means we are trying.

I do care about others a lot and I wish I could make all the suffering in their heart disappear. I just want to say that sometime my avoidancy keeps me in the background, keeps me quiet but I do care about all of you.

I don't know if what I'm saying is making any sense. It is really hard sometime to find the right words.

Thank you (((((((((((((Sweet Tomi))))))))))))))))

Time0

[SeptemberMorn]

I was just trying to help you with this:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I have to be very careful with this part and fight to try not to believe my mind which keeps telling me how a worthless s**t I am.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I feel your heart and I'm grateful that you care about me. I really appreciate your kindness as I'm having a real hard time lately. I have to hold on to every bit of positive I can have and mostly not be blind to it.

I love you! (((((((((((((((Tomi)))))))))))))) Thank you!

Time0

[Fuzzybear]

I have this too

Not much to say today apart from gggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

(((((((((((((((((((((Fuzzy)))))))))))))))))))))



Time0

[(JD)]

This is good posting imo Realization of the facts... or at the very least an allowance of the possiblity that something like this could be "yours" is a good place to begin, or begin again, on healing. TC (((hugs0))))

[_embrace]

I can relate with those feelings. It's really hard for me to even post here. In some ways, it feels good to know that I'm not alone in those feelings. Thank you for posting that.

Thank you ((((((((((((((((Sky)))))))))))))))))))

Your words and your caring are always very much appreciated!

Time0

Yes it is nice to know that we are not alone with these feelings. At least we know someone somewhere understand.

(((((((((((((((Embrace))))))))))))))))))

Take good care of yourself!
Time0

thank you time! I too have all the "symptoms" of AVD. Its hurt my life allot. Does anyone use meds to help? Found any good ones? Currently im on prozac to help with my bulimia.

[Fuzzybear]

I take Paxil... I can't tolerate it except for at a very low dose, grrrrrrrrr

Wondering what side effects you have experienced from prozac, there are a couple of side effects which are very bad for me because of other medical problems (maybe I will PM you ...)

[SeptemberMorn]

Time0, if *I* love you, then you KNOW you're not worthless, ok?

[SeptemberMorn]

My very special {{{{{{{{{{{{{{Fuzzwad}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

((((((((((((((((((((Tomi))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you!

time0

HI sweetie,

I'm sorry I haven't reply before. I'm kind of living in a mist.

I take Wellbutrin. It does help with my depression but it doesn't do anything for my APD.

I'm sorry you are suffering with this too. It can be quite difficult at time and so confusing.

Many hugs my friend!
Take good care of yourself!

time0

((((((((((((((((((Fuzzy)))))))))))))))))

Take good care sweetie!
time0

[sara1010]

Do you mind sharing some info about what happened to you between birth and 5-6 yrs old? How did your parents deal with you, was there neglect, fighting, forced compliance, etc.?


</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
time0 said:
try not to believe my mind which keeps telling me how a worthless s**t I am.

I'm always on my gard for the first sign of rejection. My self esteem and self worth is almost to zero so, in my mind and heart, who would like me enough to even want to say Hi to me.

Time0

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

[quality_worms]

I have no idea whether I'd be diagnosed with this, but I certainly think that I fit a lot of these criteria and I identify with what people said on this thread. Fortunately, it's usually not so bad when I'm online, although I can see myself doing some of the same things here that I do in real life.

It's really frustrating because most people, even most of my friends, think I'm just lazy or something. When I try to explain to people that social interactions are painfully difficult for me, they say things like, "Well, it's difficult for me too, but I do it." As in, "If you really cared, you'd make more of an effort." The thing is, when people act like that, it turns on the "This person doesn't care about me! Time to run away!" switch in my brain and I can't listen to anything else they have to say, even though it might be helpful.

I wish I had something useful to say here, but all I've got is, "Me too."

((((((((((quality_worms))))))))

[Estee1]

I know what you mean. I hate it when people don't understand that we can't just snap out of how we feel. Makes me angry. RRRRRR

Dear Sara,

I don't remember that part of my life. Not even a minute of it, nothing. It's like I have never been a small child.

The parts I sometime do remember is when I'm much older but even these, are rare in my mind.

(((((((((((((((((((Sara))))))))))))))))))

Thank you for caring!

time0