Becoming a recluse

Ok now.... hiding I get. Keeps us from our social foibles and embarrassments, keeps us from ignorantly crossing unseen lines of decorum, from letting anyone down. It keeps us .... in a word: "safe" not to put too fine a point on it. Yet you're not happy with this choice you've made. You like the safety of being alone but you feel you're dodging some things perhaps - or hiding - as you say. Are you able to ascertain what precisely it is that you're hiding from? I'm not asking you to tell ME, I'm wondering if YOU know and if you do, do you feel that it's justified?

You say that your reclusiveness is completely self destructive. Is it? Maybe hiding IS perfectly fine for a season... you know, for a healing time or something of that sort. As an example, some twenty years ago I had a "season" of completely ditching church which was a BIG HUGE HAIRY deal a that time in my life. But my reasons made sense as we'd just returned from missionary work in Zaire and I was a complete mess of a person. I made progress in that year of sleeping late on Sundays. It was, indeed a good thing for me. But it was just for a season.

For me, alone time is healthy. Even in the huge doses I so much enjoy. You are clearly a different creature and find this state unnatural for you. Do you have a relationship with someone that you could work on growing? Someone with whom you feel normal and natural and nurtured? At church or work or a social club of some sort? Maybe a co worker?

Perhaps it is for a season, in that case it wouldn't be so self destructive. I havn't quite put my finger on exactly what it is I'm trying to avoid by staying alone. Something I just realized that I didn't think about the other day is about how draining social encounters can be. Do you have any experience with that? It's like, sometimes it takes a ton of effort just to keep up in a normal random social situation/conversation. Sometimes its because I'm not interested in the conversation/situation, other times its because I'm focusing on some train of thought.

But yes I do think its unhealthy simply because I'm hidding. I'm going to meditate tonight about what exactly it is that I'm trying to avoid in the outside world. Thanks for your thoughts

Since I was sixteen I felt the outside world draining just as you've said. I've understood it this way: The difference between an extrovert and an introvert is that the extrovert gets her energy from the outside world through encounters with people while conversely find it draining to be alone. That's my husband. Introverts get their energy from being alone and find people encounters draining. That's me. If this is correct, then that helps to make a little sense out of the differences in people and what they need.

Enjoy your reflective time of meditation tonight. Think I may take that same path unless I get roped into going out. Sheesh!

Thats an interesting perspective. I never looked at like that. Introverts drawing energy from within and Extroverts drawing engery from those around them, and then being drained by the opposite experiences. Thats something to think about!

I love this conversation and I hope ya'll don't mind me jumping in for a sec;

I was once an extrovert.. it was an excellent survival technique for me at the time. Now? I am an introvert, not needing to survive, but instead,trying to learn how to thrive.Does that make sense?

Faith

I don't understand what you mean when you say "not needing to survive". I do understand trying to learn how to thrive. It's pretty tricky for some of us!

So glad you jumped in! Would very much like to understand your phrase, "not needing to survive". Would you break that down just a smidge?