[Beachlover527]

I used to think I had multiple personality disorder but after seeing videos of it, I know I don't. Ever since I was in my teens, I have noticed that I can switch on an act. I do it to impress, to be accepted, to make people laugh, to get along with someone, to seem cool, fit in, be different, be kind, etc.
I know many people have different faces around people because it's natural. For me, it's very difficult to interact with people. I was shy as a girl but then grew out of my comfort zone and started being more outgoing even when I didn't feel comfortable being that.
I used to put on acts a lot. I will give you an examples: A guy I like approaches me at school so I start acting like I am this chill, down-to-earth girl to make him think I am it and to make him like me.
A popular girl who's my friend walks up to me or I walk up to her and I start acting very cheerful, happy, preppy.
I hung out with my friend and other boys. I am not myself because I am more sarcastic and mean and more more more funny than I actually am.
Now this wasn't really a problem until I started becoming exhausted that I do this. I didn't know who the real me was so I couldn't stay this ONE person.
I still struggle with this a bit currently but it wasn't as bad as it was in high school. I googled Not knowing how to act, who am I, etc. I still don't know who I am and I am 18.
I am positive most people don't have this problem to the point of having other problems included and seeing a therapist.
I get very self conscious.
Sometimes I feel like when I'm talking to someone I am intimidated about, i try to act like how they would want me to. But sometimes if I am talking to someone I don't feel intimidated at all with, I treat them like crap. I get very upset when I do this. It's something that I do naturally and then it scares me because I want to be seen as a nice person but when I am mean to someone unintentionally, I get freaked out that I do that.
What kind of "thing" would you guys call this? Why do I become super conscious about the way I am acting and if I should switch up my personality to impress someone? Why can't I be JUST ONE type of person. I know plenty of people that don't THINK about how to act. I DO.
In class, I decided I was going to be more out of my comfort zone and be outspoken in a way. I am not sure if this is really me when I DO participate in class and raise my hand and speak quite often. I get anxious after what I say in my head about if that was a good thing to say. Was it smart? Does this mean I am dumb? Does this mean my mind is not complex as other people who ask better questions? Does my teacher believe I am outspoken and a risk taker because I am like that in class? Should I stop living this lie? Should I just do whatever I truly feel at rest and comfortable with and not trying to disrupt my safe feeling
?

Please help.

[Mattmx]

This sounds like what a lot of people struggle with in their teenage years. You're at that point in life where a lot of doors open and you're trying to find yourself. Also, you could work on your self confidence, because that's a lot of the reason people change who they are around others. They feel that the person they are isn't going to meet approval. I'd say you're experiencing a bit of both of these things, but a lot of it sounds only natural, at least to me.

[allme]

Hi

It sounds like you are struggling with your own identity which is what we all go through. Trying to find out who you really are is a life long journey....I am 34 and still don't totally know who I am but I have a far better idea then when I was your age.

It is ok to experiment behaving in different ways...but you need to discover what fits best and just be yourself no matter who you are with. If you behave how you think you SHOULD behave, you will never know if someone likes you for YOU!

In life, some people will like and some wont. Because there are people that don't like you, it doesn't mean you're a bad person or not likeable. I am sure you have people you like and dislike? it is only natural.

It is natural to experiment and play with acting certain ways....but don't act in a way you feel is wrong just because you think you should act like that for someone else's benefit.

Stay as true to yourself as much as you can.

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by Mattmx

This sounds like what a lot of people struggle with in their teenage years. You're at that point in life where a lot of doors open and you're trying to find yourself. Also, you could work on your self confidence, because that's a lot of the reason people change who they are around others. They feel that the person they are isn't going to meet approval. I'd say you're experiencing a bit of both of these things, but a lot of it sounds only natural, at least to me.

Thank you. I feel more normal. I just feel like a freak that I can completely change who I am and be completely aware of it. It scares me bc it seems abnormal and it also stresses me out that I go through measures to try and please someone else.
I am working on being more comfortable with who I am even though I don't even know. It's like a walk in closet room. There are so many choices (personalities) to choose from and I don't know who I AM. Am I outspoken or no. Am I flirty or no. I honestly can't tell! Am am I a sweet person deep down or am I actually just as nice as everyone else in the world? Am I funny or no. Am I extremely sensitive or just have a normal about of sensitivity. Am I a chill down to earth girl or not that? Am I a mean person to people who treat me bad or do I be nice to them?

It gets so hard. Thanks for your reply.

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by allme

Hi


It sounds like you are struggling with your own identity which is what we all go through. Trying to find out who you really are is a life long journey....I am 34 and still don't totally know who I am but I have a far better idea then when I was your age.


It is ok to experiment behaving in different ways...but you need to discover what fits best and just be yourself no matter who you are with. If you behave how you think you SHOULD behave, you will never know if someone likes you for YOU!


In life, some people will like and some wont. Because there are people that don't like you, it doesn't mean you're a bad person or not likeable. I am sure you have people you like and dislike? it is only natural.


It is natural to experiment and play with acting certain ways....but don't act in a way you feel is wrong just because you think you should act like that for someone else's benefit.


Stay as true to yourself as much as you can.

But is it honestly normal to be extremely caught up in it's webs? To not know who I am so much of me completely losing myself and not knowing who I am anymore. I think I have a little bit of knowledge of who I am which is good but I get torn up about what I should act like. I basically think "Hm... Now what character should I act like at the moment?" And I BECOME that. I studied acting so I feel like that made me do this weird thing- putting on an act and making it very very believable even though it is not who I really am.
I feel not good enough if I am just myself which is why I do this. I also do this to entertain others. If I feel a situation needs more comedy, I put on this funny act.
I hate that I choose from hundreds of personalities INSTEAD of being ME. My TRUE self. (Whom I don't know.)

[Beachlover527]

I don't like the real me which is why I change myself
I feel I'm weird random not logical not smart people pleasing shy boring not confident not funny I act probably how Asians do sometimes and get ashamed of that.

[allme]

IMO I don't think it's crazy based on the notion you don't know who you are (most of us don't). I still act like I think someone wants me to act if I am not comfortable with them. With your acting skills I guess you are just really good at it.

However, I do think some therapy is advisable to explore who YOU really are or at least who you are right now - because this will change as you go through life. I think the fact it's causing you issues within yourself is enough reason to get professional help to assist in exploring who you are and why you feel you have to 'act up' for people.

I am 34 and I still act up with certain people. With some ppl I am quiet, with some people I am loud and funny. Certain people or groups will bring our certain aspects of your personality so maybe these characters are all some part of you or at least becoming some part of you.

Whatever the case is, some short term therapy will help you work this out and understand what's going on but IMO there is nothing malicious happening - saying that, I am no doctor...just my opinion!

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by allme

IMO I don't think it's crazy based on the notion you don't know who you are (most of us don't). I still act like I think someone wants me to act if I am not comfortable with them. With your acting skills I guess you are just really good at it.


However, I do think some therapy is advisable to explore who YOU really are or at least who you are right now - because this will change as you go through life. I think the fact it's causing you issues within yourself is enough reason to get professional help to assist in exploring who you are and why you feel you have to 'act up' for people.


I am 34 and I still act up with certain people. With some ppl I am quiet, with some people I am loud and funny. Certain people or groups will bring our certain aspects of your personality so maybe these characters are all some part of you or at least becoming some part of you.


Whatever the case is, some short term therapy will help you work this out and understand what's going on but IMO there is nothing malicious happening - saying that, I am no doctor...just my opinion!

Thank you for your comment. Right now I am being myself to you. Idk who that is but I feel safe. I feel relaxed. I am in therapy actually :-) it has helped me have hope instead of feeling like everything is going downhill and I will be stuck like this forever.
It annoys me when I completely change myself. I absolutely HATE it. And I hate it when I see other people do it because it reminds me of myself.
Not knowing who I am and changing myself has made me depressed before but not so much right now. Right now my big concern is knowing who I am and what works for me and what doesn't. Should I speak up or no? Should I be nice to this person or no? Should I make this decision or no? It's all that

[allme]

Please understand, knowing yourself is a life long journey. There will be some aspects of yourself that you will never truly understand or know but that's ok and only human.

I think you are thinking too much into it and what really needs to be addressed is your confidence.

Do you feel comfortable putting these acts on for people? If you act in a way to please someone that goes against something you believe in or that you believe is wrong, in itself is wrong and unhealthy.

You are in need of some soul searching. The answers are in there and you have to trust what feels right and comfortable.

When you feel you are 'acting' what parts of the acting do you like, what feels natural?

Tell me this, think of something you have an opinion on, like should there be a death penalty? Do your opinions and likes also change to fit a person or group?

For me, I have a set of beliefs, morals and sense of right and wrong. Although I am able to change my personality to fit who I am with (loud and funny or quiet and withdrawn) my basic core does not change.

Do you have your own set of morals, beliefs and sense of right from wrong?

We all have characters to choose from, I have a character for my mum and dad, I have the real relaxed me when I am with my hubby and then I have my character with other ppl I know. The thing is, all these characters ARE ME, or at least a part of me.

[Mattmx]

Originally Posted by Beachlover527

Thank you. I feel more normal. I just feel like a freak that I can completely change who I am and be completely aware of it. It scares me bc it seems abnormal and it also stresses me out that I go through measures to try and please someone else.
I am working on being more comfortable with who I am even though I don't even know. It's like a walk in closet room. There are so many choices (personalities) to choose from and I don't know who I AM. Am I outspoken or no. Am I flirty or no. I honestly can't tell! Am am I a sweet person deep down or am I actually just as nice as everyone else in the world? Am I funny or no. Am I extremely sensitive or just have a normal about of sensitivity. Am I a chill down to earth girl or not that? Am I a mean person to people who treat me bad or do I be nice to them?

It gets so hard. Thanks for your reply.

Well beachlover, I'm glad you liked my reply and took it as constructive (lots of people think i'm too blunt or trying to be offensive, i'm not). What I think would help you a lot is if you take a second, and think back on what you've learned so far on this forum and in life! You know that you're a teenager and your life has been changing a lot. You're getting a lot more options in and exposure to the world, and you're learning about yourself and all the different "personalities," for lack of a better word, that you could be.

You also have learned here now (or maybe reminded yourself of the fact) that teenagers are growing still and are at the point in their lives where they start to question and find who they are. Some do it sooner than others and with more ease. Others struggle and have a hard time with it. I know for some, what makes it so hard is, believe it or not, their self awareness. I believe that this might be where you are having the biggest issue, along with your confidence as we already mentioned (again, that's normal for a growing mind).

To me, you are so self aware that it's actually inhibiting you from being who you are and becoming yourself. Being self aware is a great thing, but it takes time to master (and you'll never be perfect at it). You are aware that you don't know who you are, and you are aware that you mold yourself to fit your peers. Hopefully by now after reading some replies you are also aware that this is a fairly normal thing for every person because it's only human nature to try to fit in with the people you're around. Now, where I think you could improve a bit in your awareness is by expanding even more. You're doing great for someone your age by being aware of your personality changes and such, but with only that and not the whole picture included, you're really just inhibiting your growth. The key part you're missing is that you're a teenager and these changes are normal! As a teenager, you WILL try to fit in with different groups, and it really is part of growing up. That is what you are right now. You're a teenager discovering himself. I think if you try to look at things from that angle, you'll be a lot more at peace and just be able to go with the flow and trust yourself more. Accepting that you're a teenager and these things are normal will also give you more confidence going into social situations because you'll know "hey, I'm going to act different around different people, but that's only normal because it's who i am at this point in my life."

Sorry for the long, drawn out response with such a simple ending to it, but I wanted you to see my logic and reasoning behind my statement so you really could apply it to yourself and your life.

Cheers,
Matt

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by Mattmx

Well beachlover, I'm glad you liked my reply and took it as constructive (lots of people think i'm too blunt or trying to be offensive, i'm not). What I think would help you a lot is if you take a second, and think back on what you've learned so far on this forum and in life! You know that you're a teenager and your life has been changing a lot. You're getting a lot more options in and exposure to the world, and you're learning about yourself and all the different "personalities," for lack of a better word, that you could be.


You also have learned here now (or maybe reminded yourself of the fact) that teenagers are growing still and are at the point in their lives where they start to question and find who they are. Some do it sooner than others and with more ease. Others struggle and have a hard time with it. I know for some, what makes it so hard is, believe it or not, their self awareness. I believe that this might be where you are having the biggest issue, along with your confidence as we already mentioned (again, that's normal for a growing mind).


To me, you are so self aware that it's actually inhibiting you from being who you are and becoming yourself. Being self aware is a great thing, but it takes time to master (and you'll never be perfect at it). You are aware that you don't know who you are, and you are aware that you mold yourself to fit your peers. Hopefully by now after reading some replies you are also aware that this is a fairly normal thing for every person because it's only human nature to try to fit in with the people you're around. Now, where I think you could improve a bit in your awareness is by expanding even more. You're doing great for someone your age by being aware of your personality changes and such, but with only that and not the whole picture included, you're really just inhibiting your growth. The key part you're missing is that you're a teenager and these changes are normal! As a teenager, you WILL try to fit in with different groups, and it really is part of growing up. That is what you are right now. You're a teenager discovering himself. I think if you try to look at things from that angle, you'll be a lot more at peace and just be able to go with the flow and trust yourself more. Accepting that you're a teenager and these things are normal will also give you more confidence going into social situations because you'll know "hey, I'm going to act different around different people, but that's only normal because it's who i am at this point in my life."


Sorry for the long, drawn out response with such a simple ending to it, but I wanted you to see my logic and reasoning behind my statement so you really could apply it to yourself and your life.


Cheers,

Matt

Wow you helped me so much. I'm a girl by the way. 18 years old idk if that would be consisted a teen.
Anyways, I don't believe it's a teen thing to try and conform to others. I think many adults have this problem too especially if they were raised to become people pleasers like I am.
Yes I believe my problem is being so self aware that I get stuck where I am. I become so overwhelmed with my self awareness that I become depressed and very very tired and exhausted. Thank u for saying it's good to be this self aware :-) but at the same time it wears me out. I think way too much for my own good but I can't help it bc it is the way I think.

I love the way you write btw. It's very clear, straight forward, and very helpful.
I feel more at ease and more normal than I did. But I still have that little nitch that I am alone in this and that it's very abnormal to choose personalities like choosing clothes.
It's confusing. I hope you get it.
Thanks again

[Mattmx]

Originally Posted by Beachlover527

Wow you helped me so much. I'm a girl by the way. 18 years old idk if that would be consisted a teen.
Anyways, I don't believe it's a teen thing to try and conform to others. I think many adults have this problem too especially if they were raised to become people pleasers like I am.
Yes I believe my problem is being so self aware that I get stuck where I am. I become so overwhelmed with my self awareness that I become depressed and very very tired and exhausted. Thank u for saying it's good to be this self aware :-) but at the same time it wears me out. I think way too much for my own good but I can't help it bc it is the way I think.

I love the way you write btw. It's very clear, straight forward, and very helpful.
I feel more at ease and more normal than I did. But I still have that little nitch that I am alone in this and that it's very abnormal to choose personalities like choosing clothes.
It's confusing. I hope you get it.
Thanks again

Anytime. Thanks for the compliments! I've thought about being a math teacher before, but it doesn't make enough money. But anyways, I'd say you just should try to think about what you just said whenever you feel that you're alone. "lots of adults even have this problem too." It definitely comes from being a people pleaser, and also just trying to find yourself and not being comfortable with who you are (for adults and people who know). I think pretty much everyone in the world molds to their surroundings to some extent.

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by Mattmx

Anytime. Thanks for the compliments! I've thought about being a math teacher before, but it doesn't make enough money. But anyways, I'd say you just should try to think about what you just said whenever you feel that you're alone. "lots of adults even have this problem too." It definitely comes from being a people pleaser, and also just trying to find yourself and not being comfortable with who you are (for adults and people who know). I think pretty much everyone in the world molds to their surroundings to some extent.

That would be cool. I was thinking about being a teacher but I fear the encounters with other teachers and fear that my students will make fun of me and I will cry.. Weird right? I feel like teaching would be too stressful even though I want to help others.
I feel like my people pleasing issue is something I can never get rid of. It comes from having a big heart that I have and I am just a sweet person and I can't change that. It burdens me to have this quality because I hate that I do people please but it's something I automatically feel. I just hate that I am desperate to fit in. I hate it.

Originally Posted by Beachlover527

I used to think I had multiple personality disorder but after seeing videos of it, I know I don't. Ever since I was in my teens, I have noticed that I can switch on an act. I do it to impress, to be accepted, to make people laugh, to get along with someone, to seem cool, fit in, be different, be kind, etc.
I know many people have different faces around people because it's natural. For me, it's very difficult to interact with people. I was shy as a girl but then grew out of my comfort zone and started being more outgoing even when I didn't feel comfortable being that.
I used to put on acts a lot. I will give you an examples: A guy I like approaches me at school so I start acting like I am this chill, down-to-earth girl to make him think I am it and to make him like me.
A popular girl who's my friend walks up to me or I walk up to her and I start acting very cheerful, happy, preppy.
I hung out with my friend and other boys. I am not myself because I am more sarcastic and mean and more more more funny than I actually am.
Now this wasn't really a problem until I started becoming exhausted that I do this. I didn't know who the real me was so I couldn't stay this ONE person.
I still struggle with this a bit currently but it wasn't as bad as it was in high school. I googled Not knowing how to act, who am I, etc. I still don't know who I am and I am 18.
I am positive most people don't have this problem to the point of having other problems included and seeing a therapist.
I get very self conscious.
Sometimes I feel like when I'm talking to someone I am intimidated about, i try to act like how they would want me to. But sometimes if I am talking to someone I don't feel intimidated at all with, I treat them like crap. I get very upset when I do this. It's something that I do naturally and then it scares me because I want to be seen as a nice person but when I am mean to someone unintentionally, I get freaked out that I do that.
What kind of "thing" would you guys call this? Why do I become super conscious about the way I am acting and if I should switch up my personality to impress someone? Why can't I be JUST ONE type of person. I know plenty of people that don't THINK about how to act. I DO.
In class, I decided I was going to be more out of my comfort zone and be outspoken in a way. I am not sure if this is really me when I DO participate in class and raise my hand and speak quite often. I get anxious after what I say in my head about if that was a good thing to say. Was it smart? Does this mean I am dumb? Does this mean my mind is not complex as other people who ask better questions? Does my teacher believe I am outspoken and a risk taker because I am like that in class? Should I stop living this lie? Should I just do whatever I truly feel at rest and comfortable with and not trying to disrupt my safe feeling
?

Please help.

I felt like that in high school. That was long ago. To this day I still feel the same way. I have BPD. Getting diagnosed is the only way you will know if you have a personality disorder or you're just going through normal teen stuff.

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by Sorcerer 666

I felt like that in high school. That was long ago. To this day I still feel the same way. I have BPD. Getting diagnosed is the only way you will know if you have a personality disorder or you're just going through normal teen stuff.

I thought maybe I did have BPD. I looked up many disorders to see which one I fit with because I KNOW that what I do isn't normal. People don't usually choose what attitude they're going to have before doing something. I do this every single day. Being so aware of how I am acting and just living in my head a lot. I think this stems from having social anxiety? I am not diagnosed but my therapist thinks I might have it. Me being afraid of people makes me anxious about the way I act and how I want to impress and please them. How does one get diagnosed with BDP? Is it by talking to a therapist and asking her/him?

Originally Posted by Beachlover527

I thought maybe I did have BPD. I looked up many disorders to see which one I fit with because I KNOW that what I do isn't normal. People don't usually choose what attitude they're going to have before doing something. I do this every single day. Being so aware of how I am acting and just living in my head a lot. I think this stems from having social anxiety? I am not diagnosed but my therapist thinks I might have it. Me being afraid of people makes me anxious about the way I act and how I want to impress and please them. How does one get diagnosed with BDP? Is it by talking to a therapist and asking her/him?

I got referred by my family doctor. A psychiatrist has to diagnose you. It took me about 6 months to get a diagnosis. I'm here in Canada, so I don't know what it's like where you are living. You should ask your therapist how you get diagnosed.