[st0rmy]

For the first time today,I spoke up about the worries I have about my personality.My husband was astounded but listened and once I finished he said that I should get help,no matter what the costs.I was amazed at his support because I have always had to have a long standing arguement,feeling even more confused at the end.My problem is that I am in China,don't speak much mandarin or chinese,on anti-depressants,former drug addict who has a very low self esteem,doesn't recognise the good in myself unless someone points it out,then still doesn't know how to apreciate.I come from a long,hard,bad past,overcome many things bt somehow my emotions and feelings are not what they should be and I know that I need help.I believe that I will never be able to move forward unless I saught this out.I'm very lucky,hubby looks after me but not emotionally.Help...

[Rapunzel]

Maybe if you look around, you can find a therapist who speaks English. If not, online therapy might be an option for you.

And you can always talk about stuff here too. Welcome to PC. Would you like to tell us more about your concerns? Recognizing the need for help is a big step towards overcoming your problems.

[st0rmy]

Thank you for taking the time and giving me some advice.I am on the lookout for someone here in China,spoke to the psychiatrist who supplies my meds and he said that he will have a look out for psychologist who speaks good english,otherwise the two of us can start so long.Thats a good sign,showing me that he is willing to help.I think that there are quite a few things wrong with me,from physical abuse to child abuse to emotional abuse to rape to battered wife syndrome to drug dependency to prostitution to postnatal depression,abandonment to overcoming to relapsing to depression to suicide attempt to anti depressants to lack of interest to mental instability and irritability ,anger and frustration,back to anti depressants and still struggling forward.So when I say confused,I really mean it...

[Pita]

st0rmy - keep searching until you find someone to help you - you've taken the first steps just keep after it. It must be very hard to be struggling with these issues while in a country that does not speak you language - very isolating. Sounds like your psychiatrist gets it - start with him until you find a regular therapist. Take care.

[InACorner]

stormy...something kinda made me wonder....you said your husband does not provide for you emotionally...however before that you said you finally decided to speak up for the first time...and that his reaction was surprise...but in the end his resulting attitude was a good supportive one...perhaps your mistaking his ignorance towards your emotional self due to the fact you dont share your inner feelings with him? Im not sure the situation...but from what you say...it seems your not open with him about your inner mental wellness...you cannot really expect him to expect anything wrong and to help fix it and support you if you dont tell him....most guys need a major...i need help ....a tell it to his face kinda thing otherwise he will miss it....i dont know...i think another thing might be that he wants to support you and shows that by saying no matter what he costs but he is at a loss for where to start looking for help...to start looking for a therapist that speaks english....and that he figures that if you have done this much individual brain work on yourself that you have a candidate in mind? Or that your current pyschiatrist will have an automatic answer...tell him you have no idea where to look...and ask if he could help you....to me from what you say it sounds like he is supportive but due to lack of communication you feel unsupported and not taken care of emotionally....perhaps a marriage counciler might be in the future? What about moving back near home....i mean tell him the strain living in china and living with people who do not speak english is rough and if he could arrange to live somewhere more....compatiable....would be approperiate...and available...good luck...trust him...and communciate ...