[WinterRose]

How do you stop splitting, acting out, and projective identification? I feel like I'm getting worse about doing those things - but maybe it's just that it has come to my attention that I do them. I've been feeling depressed because it has caused others pain and I might just lose someone because of it. What a mess I make of things - and I can't seem to stop myself.

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"Splitting is a coping mechanism whereby an individual, unable to integrate certain particularly difficult feelings or experiences into the overall ego structure, compartmentalizes his or her reaction to those feelings or experiences.

It may also be defined as characterized by the propensity to either completely idealize or completely devalue other people, places, ideas, or objects; that is, to see them as either all good or all bad."

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"Projective Identification refers to a psychological process in which one person projects a thought, belief or emotion to a second person. Then, in most common definitions of projective identification, there is another action in which the second person is changed by the projection and begins to behave as though he or she is in fact actually characterized by those thoughts or beliefs that have been projected.

A process in which part of the self is projected onto an external object. The external object (the second person) experiences a blurring of the boundaries or definitions of the self and other.

Projective identification is believed to be a very early or primitive psychological process and is understood to be one of the more primitive defense mechanisms. Yet it is also thought to be the basis out of which more mature psychological processes like empathy and intuition are formed."

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"Acting out is a psychological term meaning to perform an action to express (often unconscious) emotional conflicts. The acting done is usually anti-social and may take the form of acting on the impulses of an addiction (ie. drinking, drug taking or shoplifting) or in a means designed (often unconsciously or semi-consciously) to garner attention (ie. throwing a tantrum or behaving promiscuously). Acting out may be considered a form of projective identification.

The action performed is usually destructive to self or others and may inhibit the development of more constructive responses to the feelings. The term is used in sexual addiction treatment, psychotherapy, twelve-step programs, criminology and parenting.

Acting out painful feelings may be contrasted with expressing them in ways more helpful to the sufferer, e.g. by talking out, expressive therapy, psychodrama or mindful awareness of the feelings. Developing the ability to express one's conflicts safely and constructively is an important part of impulse control, personal development and self-care."

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[Direction]

Don't have any comments to offer at this time...just wanted to know that I read your post...

[FnordianSlip]

i went through alot of treatment for borderline - or more for it that any of my other disorders before i quit. sorry to report that the cure didn't take. what is referred to as 'splitting' still makes the most sense to me. as for the rest, i'm not much bothered by it because i don't do relationships beyond casual acquaintances anymore. in effect, i've embraced my schizoid tendencies in order to neutralize the angst borderline was causing me. of course, being schiz carries it's own set of problems, but they're personal rather than interpersonal, and thus easier for me to deal with.

not exactly a shining post of joyful enlightenment. my condolences, such as they are and for what they're worth.

[Rapunzel]

I do all of those too. I'm not sure how well I am doing at stopping, either. It's not easy. I think it will be gradual and will take a lot of effort and practice. I think that one of the reasons for it is past relational trauma and it's effects on what we do in the present. When a situation resembles something from our past, we tend to act it out as if it were the same, and we miss how it is different. If you can recognize that the person you are interacting with now is not the same, and that the situation is different now too in some important ways, that seems like it would help. You will need to understand what happened in the past in order to recognize the differences. Journaling could be a big help, if focused and directed the way it needs to be.

I think that we talked before about Tian Dayton and "Heartwounds." I'd like to get back into that book myself and do more of the exercises, but I've been too bogged down with other stuff. She has other books too, that I would also like to read. http://www.hci-online.com/tdayton

[Direction]

I start my STEPPS class tomorrow...should be interesting to see how that will help...

[Direction]

I'll let you know if I find anything that can help with the above items.

[RiverX]

Hi WinterRose,
I found what you said interesting, and the quotes really clarifying, where are they from, I'd love to know?

You seem to have great self awareness about your behaviour and whats going on with you.
I'll share my experience and see if it helps.
I recently had some therapy and I think they would perhaps say I was ovewhelmed by the projection onto her, well, in fact them, as I tried several. And I was overwhelmed by the whole process and I believe it was making me iller and iller. In reality, I think it was some of her stuff, in a tangle with some of mine. So I had to stop, at least for now.
But I had a recent expereince where I managed a situation. Last weekend we had a family meeting to do with my mothers will. My brother in law came into the room and I was full of resentment because I thought it wastn his place to be there, not his business. (the other 'in law' who was there had decently stayed outside the room). Well, I witnessed his face start looking, to me, like a fat frog as he sat there, I had to just look away and know that I was having an extreme reaction, and that it came from, well, largely from past issues which I have now undersood.
After the meeting he expressed appreciation of what I had said in the meeting, which of course, I was grateful for, so I had to really take back my projections and was glad I hadnt acted out on it.
I guess, one could say that the first useful thing to do is -once you know it happening, - dont act out on it, and maybe later if something needs to be said you are in a better situation to say it with compassion or whatever.

I believe that what helped me also is I did have some deep understanding from another person as to where and how my deeper issues came to be inside me, so I knew why I was having these stron reactions,

That you have so much awareness, shows that you care and are taking responsiblity.
I still dont even know some of the time when I am splitting and when it is a justified reaction. I'm confused at present by my reaction to some of my friends, also who I feel I may be about to lose.

thanks for sharing, hope this helps.

riverx

[evildouble102]

I'm not sure I can be too helpful but I did read your post. I'm not sure I understand what splitting and projective identification are but I def act out it seems like it's worse sometimes; but, haven't always had insight about why it happens to fix it. I think lately it's bc there's been a lot of stress around my twin getting married and her moving halfway across the country possibly and what not. I've been drinking to deal with that sometimes or to relax and have fun; even things out. But I'm lucky in that my pdoc prescribed valium for me which appaerently he plans keeping me on for a couple months from the script he wrote; but it is working well for me... haven't drank as often; and I don't take my meds with alcohol I try an d space it out.... so yea thanks for listening to my ramblings.... is what ur talking about bpd? Cause I have that among other things... I'm also in DBT. Good Luck to you, Danielle

[Smilie]

Can you break down" the definitions " share to a more basic level?
smilie