[soulja3]

Hi there, im new to the forums, and i actually wanted some help on here to confirm what i been feeling and i need some answers from people who can tell me what i been feeling.
I have tried very hard and took many quizes and things, most of them identify me as having schizoid personality disorder, even though i have some doubts in this, i just want to make sure of it.
I just graduated from highschool this year, and this has been bugging me for a while now.
When im in class listening to the teacher lecture(Biology AP) my mind will drift away, day dreaming?? i dont know but like in my mind im not even in the class anymore im in another place something else is happening, then suddenly i realize im back in the classroom, and i look around, everyone does not seem to notice anything, just me, and i always look around awkwardly as though something happened, maybe its just me :S
I have some of the symptoms of SPD, but not all, and i am not a loner, as far as i can say lol, i just want to have fun most times.
I live with my mom, and my parents are divorced, and i always put my anger out towards my mom for something she has not done, i know its my fault, and i always regret doing it after i do it, and i feel really bad about it, and it just a whole nightmare to me, i dont want to blame her for anything, shes the best mom in the whole wide world, she raised me all by herself since my dad left, and i just cant thank her enough, even though i have a feeling of not wanting to get to know her better, like a mother to son relationship, how they are so close, and like a family, i just dont feel it, even though dep down i know if something happened to her, i would pour my heart out to do anything b ecause shes the person i care about most in this world, she gave me everything and shes knows me the best.
I also go to workout, and i workout by myself(one of symptoms of schizoid personality disorder again lol) i just workout like no one else exists in the world, i listen to my ipod when i workout, i dont want to talk to people and waste my time when i work out, because you wont gain much by talking, and i think about alot of things when i work out, in my mind thoughts good ones, bad ones, some of them motivate me in a way, and i am in shape, i do not get lazy, hardly, i would feel bad if i didnt exercise daily or on a regular basis.
Sometimes i think about things that people would consider weird, such as why did people want us to live this way? why are we in a society that we all obey everything the government says, it just surprises me how organized we are and that everyone lives under the law, well generally its that way. How come we have to further advance and promote ourselves to do better, why is it that we came to be what we are today, i mean there are alota alota questions i wonder about, but they are just weird in a way :S
Is there you guys can tell me what i am experiencing here? if you need more info i can tell you more....

[MyBestKids2]

Hi Soulja3,

Welcome to a great community with lots of supportive people. It sounds like you have alot on your plate. Have you thought about perhaps seeing a psychiatrist so he/she can assess your symptoms and put your mind at ease?

Take gentle care,
Dee

[foubrak]

Here's my humble opinion:

Be careful before acknowledging any test result from Internet tests. Be that as it may, your concerns about SPD are justifiable, but here are the most important questions of all: Does it bother you? Does it affect your daily functionning? To me, it just sounds like my own adolescence... I had many boring teachers and I'd rather think about something else... don't worry. SPD disorders are far more complex and serious than your case.

[RiverX]

Hi Soulja3,
Welcome, - even though I feel new here myself.
I have schizoid pd, been diagnosed. My opinion is, if you somehow sense theres something wrong then your instincts are to be respected. Welldone for reaching out, asking and having the courage to ask these questions of yourself.

I read your post carefully, and there are some things you said that IMOpinion, mean you could have the tendencies towards 'schizioidishness', but as I understand it, everone has tendencies. What I found good about a diagnosis is that it helped me to understand myself, so many things fell into place in my life. And there is much hope and possibilities for healing. In fact, myself and a friend have been having a weekly study group and sharing our deep feelings and expereinces.

I just wanted to respond to you quickly, I havent got much more time tonight. But I look forward to continue discussing. As my bestkids said, it seems like a good place here, people seem to be kind and helpful.
Do pm me if you like.


river.

[RiverX]

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as far as i can say lol, i just

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by the way, could you explain what the - lol - bit means please?

[Smilie]

Can you explain to me a episode of schizophrenia or is it a constance wave of emotions and behavior thinking? smilie

[soulja3]

well its kinda like constantly my mind is not where my body is kinda feeling, and like when i go somehwere my mind tend to think about things and i dont realize what i am physically doing, such as when i take the bus, i sit there, and then something happens and it seems so real, then the next moment im back on the bus kind of thing...
I try to avoid new things and i tend to stick with the familiars, which is also a sign of SPD.
Lately im also becoming paranoid , because i got into a fight and it was a huge fight, and i think the cops are after me, undercover cops lol, so i sense everyone around me that acts out of the usual is a cop..........-.-
I also think of things that no one else thinks of, and i really love biology, but i tend to ask alot of questions, i question the origin of bioloy itself, such as why do we have to find our origin? the meaning of biology itself, the meaning of life itself...........that kind of questions, and my teacher could not answer for me, and he thought i was weird -.-........

[Rapunzel]

It sounds to me like you have a creative mind, and also some challenges in your life. When you are in class, and your mind goes someplace else, and you come back and it seems like you missed something, that is called dissociation. Dissociation is a normal ability. We all do it if we get really into a movie or a book, or if we are doing something routine that doesn't need our full attention so our minds wander. There are also dissociative disorders. What makes it a disorder is when people dissociate too much or too easily, and it becomes the main way they deal with any kind of challenge, and they can't stop doing it when they want to. I don't know whether or not you have a problem with that, or if you are just noticing yourself doing something that we all do but not everyone is aware of. I have a personal belief that people who are really good at dissociating are generally of above average intelligence, and I also see the fact that you noticed it, and also your unsual way of looking at the world (shown by your questions that surprise your teachers) as evidence of intelligence.

Intelligence doesn't always make life any better or easier though, especially if it is to an extent that makes you stand out as being different. You may need to learn how to cope with your high intelligence, and maybe with traumas in your life, such as your father leaving. If you have concerns, then you probably should speak to a mental health professional.

[RiverX]

Well, I identify with what you describe, and I have a Dx of spd.
The problem is not about having fantasy, which is part of being human, but that fantasy can take over from reality, and take one right out of reality, and that does happen for me. I also 'think outside the box', and that means I ask questions that others dont seem so interested in, and that makes me feel lonely.
In fact, my experience is in so many groups of other humans that I am an outsider, that others dont share the passions and concerns that I have.
Since I have understood that these painful expereinces are connected to the pd, and all the history that goes with it, I am a little bit comforted by the knowledge. But I want to solve my problem and be able to have deep and real relationships with others. I have to keep working at that, it seems like a lonely or impossible struggle at times, only I just know I have no choice but to continue to explore and try.

riverX

[1oxbowgirl]

In regards to what you may or may not have, the on-line quiz's don't cover all or everyones personal ways of answering which can lead you off into believing you have something when in fact you may not.
I would say to you to get checked by both a mental heath professional, your family doctor, and maybe a neurologist. It may be an just day-dreaming and dozing off for a few seconds. It may be a mental condition. Or it could be a seizure condition. Only health care professionals can diagnosis your condition. Self-diagnosis is not a good idea, as conditions often present in many different ways and something simple can be over blown and something serious can be overlooked. Best of luck to you.