[Kildesortering]

I didn't know where to put this, sorry.

Long story short, back in April I made a post here on PC about being disappointed that a friend of mine didn't cut herself deeper. She had asked for "tips", I had told her some stuff she could do, but she still didn't cut deep.

Fast forward until last wednesday; things went out of hand and I simply couldn't deal with talking to people for a while, so I stopped talking to my friends. I told them all, including her, that I needed a break.

Then, a few days ago, she sends me messages begging me to start talking to her again. I don't answer her. A few hours later, she sends me pictures of what she had done to herself. Finally she had cut deeper. She asked me what I thought of it, if it was good enough, stuff like that. I still didn't answer.

I still haven't talked to her, but I found her posts on another forum. Apparently she went to the hospital and got 15 stitches. If she had asked me, I would've told her to not bother getting stitches because it really wasn't that big.

And for some reason, I'm just really angry at her. I hate that she didn't cut deeper. I hate that she went to the ER with that cut. I realize this makes me a bad friend, so for now I'm just staying away from her.

I recognize that I shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't want her to hurt herself worse. But I do. I don't feel sorry for her at all, just angry. If she were here, I'm not sure I could've controlled myself, I think I might've hurt her. Luckily for me, she's very far away.

I don't understand why I am this way. I feel like a normal person, but sometimes I just do these things that I recognize as wrong, yet I never feel bad about it. I'm curious as to why I'm like this. Is something wrong with me? Or are most people like this, they're just way better at hiding it?

Anyone... relate? Or... I don't know, any thoughts?

[Nammu]

Your right, it's wrong. My thoughts, that you talk to a therapist about this.

[Kildesortering]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Your right, it's wrong. My thoughts, that you talk to a therapist about this.

I've tried, but it's like they don't understand what I'm telling them.

Also a lot of the stuff I've done have been online (most of my conversations with her, for example, have been online or over phone/text), it seems kinda silly to talk about online stuff with a therapist?

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

It's a serious thing, K. Make them listen. You wanted to physically hurt someone. A friend.

[Kildesortering]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

It's a serious thing, K. Make them listen. You wanted to physically hurt someone. A friend.

Wait, is that a big deal? Is that a bigger deal than the other stuff? I'm asking because I didn't think so.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Yes, it's a big deal.

[Kildesortering]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Yes, it's a big deal.

You sure? Doesn't everyone feel like that from time to time? I mean, people get into fights all the time. Doesn't seem like a big deal to me.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

People do fight and get furious and say, "I could have strangled her." But that's a long way from actually hurting them. The first is a figure of speech, to express momentary anger. You don't seem to be describing that.

[Kildesortering]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

People do fight and get furious and say, "I could have strangled her." But that's a long way from actually hurting them. The first is a figure of speech, to express momentary anger. You don't seem to be describing that.

Hm, I see your point.
What about the other stuff?

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

I don't know enough about the situation to say.

It's not exactly a healthy thing to do, inciting someone to damage themselves.

Had this person done anything to make you so angry?

[Kildesortering]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

I don't know enough about the situation to say.

It's not exactly a healthy thing to do, inciting someone to damage themselves.

Had this person done anything to make you so angry?

I wasn't angry at her when I told her how to cut deeper etc. I only got angry at her when she didn't cut deep enough, and then again now when she went to the ER with a cut that was quite small in my eyes.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

And why were you angry?

[Kildesortering]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

And why were you angry?

Because she didn't cut deep enough? I wanted her to cut deeper and she didn't.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

But what was beneath the anger?

[Albatross2008]

Why do you even want your friend to cut herself?

[Kildesortering]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

But what was beneath the anger?

I... I don't know? I wanted something and she didn't give it to me even though I gave her instructions on how to do it? And she kinda said she would? I can't think of any deeper reason than that.

Originally Posted by Arbie

Why do you even want your friend to cut herself?

I wanted pictures of her cuts. I know I can just google it etc but I prefer pictures of people I know/have talked to. But her pictures were disappointing.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

You're telling us that you get pleasure from other people's pain or injuries. You even encourage the injury. Do you realise this is not something most people do?

[Kildesortering]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

You're telling us that you get pleasure from other people's pain or injuries. You even encourage the injury. Do you realise this is not something most people do?

I get that people usually see it as wrong, so I assume that means either that people are doing it but hiding it better, or most people don't do it.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Most people don't do it.

I think you need to be really honest with your therapist.

[Kildesortering]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Most people don't do it.

I think you need to be really honest with your therapist.

Well, he's in the process of diagnosing me. I guess he's probably going to ask a bunch of questions and some of them will somehow relate to this. I'll tell him if he asks.

[Albatross2008]

I would advise you to volunteer the information, rather than waiting to be asked. What you are doing is harmful to other people.

[Kildesortering]

She cut again, this time even less deep, and yet she's going to the ER with it. I'm so angry, she disgusts me, I wish she'd just disappear. I hate her so much for this.

I don't mind hurting people, I don't see any good reason to stop either. I'm just curious as to why I'm like this. It's not very important though. I'll tell the therapist if he asks, simple as that.

[Albatross2008]

I think I'd better bow out of this thread. Anybody who doesn't mind hurting people isn't somebody I want anything to do with.

Perhaps it bothers you that she is going to the ER for these self-harm injuries, and you feel the injuries don't merit an ER visit? It sounds like your friend is in quite a bit of emotional pain, and perhaps self-harming and going to the ER gives her the attention and care that she so desperately craves.

Forget the physical wounds for a moment, and think about what state of mind you would need to be in to harm yourself and then run to the ER multiple times. Your friend is hurting, a lot. Maybe you could try empathizing with that? Also it would be helpful to not give her any more self injury "tips" and rather try to show her that it isn't the only coping mechanism available to her.

If you continue to want to see her hurt herself more, for her sake, please break off the friendship.

[sabby]

This thread is now being closed.