When I find another Therapist, how do I do things different.

I think I made the mistake a month ago, trying to find a therapist. I looked for months before, online, for Psychologist dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder. I am very obsessed with credentials, education and so forth. so I narrowed it down to 2 in my area. The first one I called wasn't taking new "Medicare patients at this time." She refered me to some one else. I looked this person up online and I didn't say anything about dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder. So I tried the second one that the computer had narrowed down for me. She (according to the internet) is the most qualified Psychologist dealing with personality disorders in my area. I went in there and filled out a history survey. They called me back and I ended up seeing an intern, not the one from the internet. I was so angry and felt betrayed. So emailed them and said I felt betrayed and really wanted the most experienced, because I feel like my problems are to intense for an intern. She emmediatly called me back and set up an appointment with her. We talked for about 10 minutes and she asked why did my questionare say I thought I had been misdiagnosed as bipolar? I told her I had done EXTENSIVE research on borderline personality for 4 years now, sometimes putting it out of my mind and sometimes obsessing and knowing for a fact that is what I had. She then told me, with out any of my background, other than if my father is an alcoholic and how many sisters I have, That she does not think I have Bipolar or borderline personality disorder. And there were other things she said that made me so angry,I ended up having a panic attack. I have not gone back after that one session. I am just wondering what did I do wrong, and why do I go between hating her so much and thinking she is the worst doctor, to thinking since the internet said she is the best, liking her and believing her. I am so confused. What should I do differently with the next therapist.

Well, I felt I just had to reply to you post, I so relate to the feelings and experience, also, I'm interested in how you've got on with your researching.
I sort of did the same with my pd, .... did you read any Masterson in your searching? What have you read?
I had the same exprerience with profs, they think they know more about me than I do about myself, and thats after a few sentences, then that in itself triggers my disorder, and its so f..... ing crazy-making!
Did you notice that in your post you jumped to assuming that it was you who did something wrong? I have been doing that all the time, with my mouth, and my pen, I protest, but inside, my own reality is shaken and I get hooked in. If you have read, and you identify with borderline, then, you know what is true for you, and good for your for taking responsiblity for your own mental health!

Theres so much that you said....... </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
am just wondering what did I do wrong, and why do I go between hating her so much and thinking she is the worst doctor, to thinking since the internet said she is the best, liking her and believing her. I am so confused

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> that has happeene to me...... like, I can see my T. was wrong in how she behaved towards me, but yet deep down, I have made her my frame of reference, and sort of she moved into my psyche! This, as i understand it, is the 'split'. When one part of reality wont talk to the other one, so these 2 realities cant have influence on eachother, so we cant get the whole picture.

I'd say, trust you experience, ...... and with your knowledge of yourself now, and your research, I'd say, you are well able to judge a T. from the attitude they take to you, and I think this is more to do with if they are a good T. than their paper and academic credentials, or even expereince. Its to do with thier ability to respond to you and if they have integrity as well as understanding. I'd be very interested to know more of you, and also how you get on.
Hope this is at all helpful.
stay on the firing line for what you want and need:

the books i found most helpful for understanding the disorders are Manfield: 'Split Self Split Object', and Masterson and Klein, books, all are about the disorders.

riverx

riverx Thank you so much for your reply. I am going to go with my gut feeling. I feel even though she may be "the best in the area" She is not the one for me. I actually got a call from another Therapist this afternoon, this was my second choice if the other one didn't work out (which she didn't) so I was very excited that they could fit me in at the beginning of April. I just hope I don't get hurt by anything he says in the first session. I had been waiting for that call for about a week now. I made sure when I talked to the secretary that I mentioned I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, bipolar2 with rapid cycling, social anxiety, GAD and OCD tendencies. She said the the doctor is a clinical Psychologist who treats every kind of mental illness, as well as just situational problems or stresses. So I am looking forward to that.
Most of The books I have read were about bipolar disorder, because that was what I was first diagnosed with 4 years ago. These books also talked a little, not very much about borderline personality disorder. The best book I have learned through research dealing with Borderline is "Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline personality disorder." by Marsha M. Linehan. this book is specially designed for people with borderline. It a DBT workbook. Another good book is "Stop walking on Eggshells" ( This book is mostly designed for loved ones of Borderlines, but I have heard it helps borderlines as well), "Get Me Out of Here" is another one I heard about. All these books I have just read about online, but am planning on buying them soon. My research has just been online looking up characteristics, symptoms, medications, Therapy types and peoples personal stories.

thank you again for your reply

I think credentials are important too....but they don't tell the whole story. So, here's mine and sorry it's so long.

I have had several T's, all Psychologists. This time, I called the Psychoanalytic Institute in the largest city near me and asked if they had a candidate (a student of the institute who must meet very high standards to be accepted, and who is arleady a practicing therapist) in my area they could refer me to. I wanted psychoanalytic psychotherapy after doing research even though I didn't know I was Borderline at that time as I do now.

I was referred to a *wonderful* therapist that i like so much and who has been there for me more than any other therapist in my 12 years of treatment. She didn't diagnose me, but after almost a year with her I told her I thought that Borderline seemed to 'fit' and did she agree... she did, readily. She'd thought so for some time but didn't want me to feel assaulted with a diagnosis (I'd told her about the last Psychologist who abuptly slapped 2 diagnoses on me and my stunned reaction to that). I really appreciated her concern around that.

So long story, sorry. But what I want to say is that this therapist who I am so glad I found, who is so supportive and gentle and firm at the same time, is not a Psychologist. She's a MS, LMHC. (Masters, Licensed Mental Health Counselor). I wasn't sure about those credentials at first, and I would not have even considered going to someone with those credentials several years ago. But she is just what I want and need.

Also, when we first met I was concerned about expense because my insurance at that time didn't include her in their network. (my insurance since changed to a high-deductible plan with a $3000.00 deductible so I pay out of my own pocket anyway.) She offered to help me find someone else If I wanted to use my insurance, and that some therapists do not list all the diagnoses they treat [because insurance likes only short-term therapies and some diagnoses (like Borderline) imply long term treatment] and she thought she might know some on my insurance company's list. .. So, I wanted to encourage you to call the ones you find and see them once or twice in person and see what they have to say about whom they treat.

Echoes:
That is the best advice anyone has ever told me. The help "to get help" here in Texas is really horrible. Thank you for sharing your story, I feel really hopeful now.

I really liked the First lady, our first session was great, I was so hopeful when I left I actually cried happy tears. I felt connected to her because she seemed so down to earth and actually listened to me instead of cutting me off. but then when I got her card I got really angry. Her card says ED. S., M.S but it is scratched out and it says Psy.D above it. It also says candidate of clinical Psychology supervised by (C...) (I wont give the name because i'm not sure if i am supposed to.) This is what you were talking about right. I was just worried, that she didn't have enough experience. now I know it doesn't really matter as much about experience. Thats why i asked to see the actual Psychologist. Now from your story I really want to go back to see the first lady instead. but I have changed between the both and it might be better just to start over. I am going to look up online,for MS LMHC under psychologists (because my insurance like yours doesn't cover any one except a clinical Psychologist.Or Call the Baylor Psychiatric Clinic in Houston. and ask for help. Thank you again.

You're welcome and good luck! I think you should consider going back to the first lady since you liked her. We're all entitiled to think things over and change our minds

I think I will thanks again!!!

confusedgurl, I'm like you and Echoes, liking the "best" and good degrees. I was lucky because I got a good PhD psychologist and saw her for 9 years. Then I moved and had to quit therapy. But 9-10 years later I wanted therapy again and looked up my old therapist and found her and called her and started seeing her again! What I found was she had changed and grown too! It was really odd because we were often re-exploring the things we'd explored 10 years earlier, often in the same way and there was a lot of deja vu feeling like we'd been there before but either I or she or both of us would respond slightly differently/better this time.

I think it is how old a therapist is in relation to us (mine was slightly older than I was, maybe 10-12 years) and how much life experience they've had. My therapist was good when I met her but originally but she was a "new" therapist, had been something else before she became a therapist. But that she was older than I was and had some "life" experience helped her I think while she got experience being a therapist. When I saw her later, she had had 20-25 years of being a therapist too so she was doubly good :-)

So, maybe look at the age of a therapist and how long they've been a therapist rather than so much their degree. One of my best other therapists was a group therapist and she was just an MSW. But she was 25-30 years my senior and had been a therapist that long (and had a personality from here to there :-)

If you "click" with a therapist, don't worry so much about their degree or training. They'll help make it work for the two of you because they probably feel the connection with you too!