[lilhoneybr]

Recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, i finally have a 'reason' for why i act the way i do. But that doesn't take away the deep hole in my heart that the loneliness brings. Does this pain ever get any better? Do people with BPD have to seek out others with the disease in order to find love? Is there any hope of marriage and a future for someone BPD?
hopeless and hurting

[Kiya]

have you tried this in the personailty forum? you might get more responses. =)

[Rapunzel]

I wasn't sure which way to take your question, or which question you mean to poll. Is it can you find love if you have BPD?

Yes, you have a future and it's what you make it. BPD describes a pattern in which you struggle with relationships, but it doesn't mean you can't learn or that you will always be like that. Are you in therapy, and what does your T say about your prospects for happiness? What would you like to get out of therapy?

You might want to take a look at the personality forum also. We talk about BPD quite a bit there.

[Rapunzel]

Actually, since this is a question about BPD more than about the psychotherapy process, I think I will move the thread to the personality forum. You may get better responses there.

Well married twice with no problem of getting a partner ever. So I dont think it is a problem for me. However I married a bad one the first time and the good one I am married to now has DID/MPD ADD and proberly a few other things so you may have a point lol.

[Mouse_]

Love being something thats different for many people, I think the main question is, can someone with BPD have a genuine relationship with someone else? short answer, no not unless they are actively working on who they are.....can someone have a marriage? yes but the quality of a marriage is also debatable...if yoiu want the best for yourself in any relationship then its possible but with work...

[SerenitysWave]

Yes and no... Its possible to have long relationships with caring and concern even love.... but i constantly question it.... is it real? Is it real on my end and/or theirs? Do I want it? can I give it? can I embrace it and accept it back?... there is always a guard and flip flop of where I am in myself....

[Lenny]

We can all love lilhoneybr,,it is not eclusive to those who fit any criteria or those who do not.

BPD is a disorder built upon fear,,sometimes many levels of it. It is that fear that precludes love. It doesn't remove it, destroy it or even cover it. The fear manipulates it. The fear puts love in front and then when it becomes comfortable,,the fear appears again and pulls the love back. The fear of losing it,,,being abandoned while loving is just too much.

It is this push/pull that strains love for the BPD sufferer and those that love them. But the love is always there.

The best you can do is have competent professional help,,committ to it and learn to trust again.

I know it is hard,,but the rewards are all you and all of us dream of..

IMHO.

Lenny

[ECHOES]

This is a good topic. I don't know the answer. I'm middle aged and just starting (good) therapy. I have never had a relationship although I have an adult son. Since he's become independent I think more about finding someone, but I really can't imagine it. Not only do I need my privacy and space but because I feel I'm so "behind" others emotionally that I would never find someone. Sometimes I hate that I isolate except for work and necessary errands and sometimes I think this is just the way it has to be for me.

In the meantime I am just enjoying the therapy relationship so much.

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being abandoned while loving is just too much.

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Lenny, this is a powerful thing you said. Thank you.

[pachyderm]

> I feel I'm so "behind" others emotionally that I would never find someone.

Yeah.

[bigbear68]

well, I have read all the replies here, and I agree with them. I have BPD and a few other disorders too, but I consider them inside of the BPD and/or a result/symptom of it. It is very hard to live with, and i am starting to learn how to manage mine...with a T. I have been married 20 yrs now. Not all of it happy, but still married. It needs a lot of work! And I am always afraid of losing my loved ones...Dont give up hope though because relationships can work. Its just our doubt that helps us to believe they wont. good luck........Marie