Eggshells

I had to walk on eggshells as a kid because I never knew what would happen with my father being so violent towards the end of his life. I had to cry silently into my pillow after he died and my family fell apart, because I saw that my tears brought sadness to others and no one knew how to react to me. So I stuffed everything. Those are heavy prices to pay to not upset the family apple cart.

I was afraid to tell anyone when abuse was happening. Afraid no one would believe me. To be invalidated at any time in one's life is upsetting, but to a kid it's devastating. So I kept it to myself until my adult self collapsed from the weight of it.

In T I opened up. At PC I opened up. Started to share without feeling judged. Started to share because even though not everyone could relate to my stuff, or understand it, they supported me and I felt safe. Most did not/do not care what my dx is . . . they only wanted to validate my feelings.

I know it's my own stuff. I know the reasons behind these feelings. Some would say it's a good thing to recognize.

It's just too bad they had to be stirred up here.

Sorry there isn't much I can say...

((((Orange_Blossom)))),
I too have suffered almost exactly the same problem with my father, except he is still here. I dont know how to move on from it, I have no answers and I too have been walking on egg shells for a very long time.

I just wanted you to know your not alone.

My thoughts are with you.
Polperro

((OB))
I am so very sorry...

I'm unsure what happened, as far as things getting stirred up here, so if I don't say the right thing, please forgive me.

Eggshells, oh yeah that feeling is familiar to me also...
the past
sometimes in the present irl
frequently here

My "rescue techniques" are getting a helluva good workout,
Catherine

(((((Orange Blossom)))))

I am sorry for your pain. I do hear you and I can understand. I have experienced and am still experiencing similar issues. Even now I don't feel as if I can show my emotions to my family members because I don't think they would understand. They are secret keepers. They burry things and claim that they have "moved on" and that I should do that too. They look at me like a pariah for bringing up all the old and painful issues and they do a good job at making me feel horrible for trying to heal.

I don't know if they do it intentionally. But I think some do. So I keep to myself and I hide from my family so they won't have to deal with my pain. So they can keep living in their buried realities. I don't want to hurt them, and me asking for answers and seeking accountability does that. And I end up feeling ashamed. I don't want to hurt my family.

I am not trying to give you the "Oh, I know just how you feel" line. I just want you to know that I understand, from my perspectives and that you are not alone.

I hope no one here is making you feel as if you do need to walk on eggshells here, because I don't want you to have to do that. This is a place for you to get support and be able to express your emotions and feelings as they are. Not how other people would like them to be.

Please take good care of yourself. I am here if you need to talk!!

((((((((orange))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) as a child I did the same thing from time to time.
Its very hard.
My heart is with you

When things get stirred up it is an opportunity to fix and put things into their proper place. If you can still get stirred up it just means that there are still things to work on. I always looked at times like this positively because it was an opportunity to fix things and fix things I did.

That's great, Sannah. Good for you. I can't seem to get to this point. I've been trying and trying and just when I see light, something comes along and knocks me on my butt. I have stood up a hundred times and been knocked down just as many. But I keep getting back up.

Maybe my mother dying in January and then my aunt dying in March and her son dying in April and then a family member overdosing on pills deliberately, leaving her two young children behind (one close to the age I was when my father died) stirred up the death of him, which then stirred up the death of my brother who overdosed on heroin and left two small children behind, which then made me think of my other brother who died of aids, again from drugs and leaving two young step-children behind, maybe all that makes me a little over sensitive at this time.

But I'll just get up again. It's what I do.

These are a lot of stressors. With this many stressors going on I would think that it would be about maintaining not fixing. I'm sorry that you have so much to deal with right now......

I do think PC needs to be about validating feelings and it shouldn't be about questioning diagnosis. Bravo to you for speaking up and saying that!

(((((( O B ))))))

This is what I believe.............

Thanks everyone.

I think PC is a pretty good place for such support, and I'm sorry you feel you need to walk on eggshells here. If you feel I invalidated your dx, I'm sorry. I really wasn't doing that, but if that's the way it looked then those are the feelings that go with it, and it is what it is. I hope this will help you know that you are a loved member here.

(((Orange Blossom))))



Eggshell walking is a horrible way to be - I tried to be stil and silent and invisible .... sometimes worked - I have lived on eggshells - its not a good way to live - you are cared for and accepted here - as I hope - are we all - this is a great place of support and caring.

I care about you and I hope you are back on solid ground soon

You didn't invalidate MY dx as I've never been dx'ed with C-PTSD. It just happens to fit.

Not everything is about you, Sky.

Indeed it isn't all about me! You are smart to recognize that. Thanks for validating that it wasn't me that triggered you.

Hope today is a better day.

That's not what I said. I said not EVERYTHING is about you. That still leaves a few things open . . .

Actually, for me, this year is all about me. But that's for my world and health.

(((orange blossom))) I wish we could heal the wounds of past miscommunications. I'm ready whenever you are. Be well.

i suffer from ptsd from war help.

Hi pride4life.

We have a sub-forum titled Combat PTSD you might find helpful, or you can just hang out here if you'd prefer. Either way, you'll find support.

Here's the link to it. http://forums.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=53

pride4life
you are more than welcome to the Combat PTSD forum...

if you are more comfortable here, that is all right too.

the most important thing is you getting the support and caring that you need...

Catherine

((Orange_Blossom))
any chance of a quick note?
I understand if not...
Catherine

Do you mean a PM?

yes, to ask a question
Again, if not I understand
I attempted to send one but you don't accept them?
Catherine

walking on eggshells is horrible, i am sorry that you had to do that. you deserved more and better than what you got. a child should be heard and comforted when they are distressed. living in fear is so
tiring and miserable.

you have had such a lot of deaths to face, it sounds overwhelming just to read it, much less to live with it. my dad is my only immediate family member left. my mom and both brothers are dead - as far as i know. sadly, i do not miss them at all. i grieve not having family who meant something good. their loss is more benefit than pain.

i think i will stop here, i may have said too much.

leslie
added later:

we have been having to face some painful realities in our lives and it has been sad and lonely. my sleep is really far off base right now. i wandered over to another forum (won't mention where) and was confronted with the truth that tonight there are plenty of people in tougher spots than i am in. it reminded me that with all the pain and insecurity i face right now - SOME things in my life are better, some things are improved. i am grateful for the improvements and bits of healing that have come.

it is almost funny, but not, that i am near-sighted, far-sighted, have astigmatism and a focusing problem. what is funny is that emotionally i am kinda the same way. my vision of my life is cork-screwed too. i am impaired when i look at my life and things look so awful and dire when in reality things are just kinda tough right now. i've been in pain for so long now that both mind and body seem to get "stuck" and all i can see is pain. many symptoms of ptsd really have eased, i am not nearly as hypervigilant as i was a few years ago and i am not jumpy and agitated. some things are better and got better so gradually i almost didn't notice they'd improved. hmm...