[sw628]

I went to therapy last night and unexpectedly went into some really deep abuse issues surrounding my childhood. I wanted to stop, but T kept pushing to describe what happened in detail and confront the flashbacks and dreams that keep me up at night. She says that continual exposure to the trauma will gradually decrease my PTSD symptoms. Right now... I don't believe her. It's been hell since then. When T tried to bring me back into the room( mentally) I completly zone out.. I guess dissassociated. While processing, I almost became physically ill, it was emotional torment. I went into an alternate reality where T was just a figment of my imagination. I felt as though I was in a dream, feeling disconnected from my body. T had to clap her hands and snap her fingers to get my attention. The pain was( and still is) so intense that i'm terrified to go back to therapy. What was once suppose to be a safe place, feels terrifying for me now. I requested next week off, but feel as though a couple weeks might be needed. If anyone has ever experienced this I would like to know. Please share.

[Elysium]

I have never had a T push to hard intentionally, and I am soooo sorry your T did this to you. That really must have been horrible for you.

It is true that exposure to the traumatic memories and the emotions surrounding those memories can help with PTSD symptoms but this is to be done VERY carefully, and the T is always supposed to listen to the patient when they say they need to stop. If you told your T to stop, or told her you didn't want to do it anymore she should have stopped immediately and discussed how you were feeling. Instead, she kept pushing which in turn caused your mind to need to dissociate for safety.

Sometimes, when I am talking about something in T and it gets really hard, I start to dissociate too, but T knows when this happens and backs off and talks to me about my safe places and about how I'm feeling. She doesn't push. This is how T should respond to this.

I am mad for you.

I think it would be a good idea for you to call your T and tell her that you are very upset and scared and angry too because you were triggered badly in your session and she didn't listen to you which sent you into a dissociative state. Let her know that you are now scared to continue, that you feel the safety has been violated and you feel like you need a longer break. Give her an opportunity to discuss this with you and make some changes and improvements in her work with you. Ultimately though, if she keeps up this behavior, or if you just don't feel safe working with her anymore, I think you should consider terminating and seeking out a new T.

Take good care, and keep us posted if you like!!

[sw628]

Originally Posted by Elysium3006

I have never had a T push to hard intentionally, and I am soooo sorry your T did this to you. That really must have been horrible for you.

It is true that exposure to the traumatic memories and the emotions surrounding those memories can help with PTSD symptoms but this is to be done VERY carefully, and the T is always supposed to listen to the patient when they say they need to stop. If you told your T to stop, or told her you didn't want to do it anymore she should have stopped immediately and discussed how you were feeling. Instead, she kept pushing which in turn caused your mind to need to dissociate for safety.

Sometimes, when I am talking about something in T and it gets really hard, I start to dissociate too, but T knows when this happens and backs off and talks to me about my safe places and about how I'm feeling. She doesn't push. This is how T should respond to this.

I am mad for you.

I think it would be a good idea for you to call your T and tell her that you are very upset and scared and angry too because you were triggered badly in your session and she didn't listen to you which sent you into a dissociative state. Let her know that you are now scared to continue, that you feel the safety has been violated and you feel like you need a longer break. Give her an opportunity to discuss this with you and make some changes and improvements in her work with you. Ultimately though, if she keeps up this behavior, or if you just don't feel safe working with her anymore, I think you should consider terminating and seeking out a new T.

Take good care, and keep us posted if you like!!

((((Elysium)))))
Thank you so much for responding with such empathetic and gracious advice.The pain is just too raw to speak with T now, but in the next few days i do intend to speak with her about what went on in the session. In some ways the saftey and trust I once felt has been lost and it will take some time to get that back. Right now i am trying to do things that will take my attention away from what happened, however it helped so much to just get it out in writing. I have a feeling my fear to return to see T will last quite a while. In the meantime, i am reflecting on your words Elysium Sending hugs your way

[phoenix7]

My T pushed me to reveal that I had been SA as a child - but he didnt press for details - he said it was enough i had told him that - we talked about other things then - movies and stuff till I was calm again - then he told me that i would feel bad for finally telling but that it was the first step in healing - he said i could discuss it again when I was ready - and we did discuss the feelings to do with it but not the actual blow by blow stuff -

I am sorry you were so badly triggered that you disassociated - T's office and T should be safe for you - and I am sorry it does not feel that way at the moment.

I hope you can disuss this with your T and let her know exactly how you felt - maybe print and take your post with you...

I hope you feel better soon

[Pomegranate]

I can not even imagine how bad you must feel. That would have .... beyond triggered me, it would have destroyed me. I am soooooo sorry this happened to you. with everything Elysium said to you. I would be too traumatized to go back to that T. The most I'd be able to do is write a letter, maybe. Trust your gut instinct and take care of yourself.

[RACEKA]

Your T should not push you like that. My T always tells me we will go at my pace. He said all I have to do is say stop and we will stop.

You have to feel safe at T's.