[Elysium]

Had session with old T today. I'm transitioning to a new T right now so I am kind of weaning off of old T. We're doing sessions every two weeks right now.

So....had an emotional session. I've been trying to cope with the loss and abandonment that I feel with transition and being in a position where I HAVE to leave her as opposed to terminating because I am ready.

During session today...T and I discussed how my 9 yr old alter, James is having the most difficult time because he seems to feel the raw pain and hurt from the abandonment. T took the abandonment and switched angles a bit and it turns out that a lot of these fears stem from abandonment, but also from loss. She asked me about what took place in my life when I was 9. She already knew but wanted me to connect it. Well, when I was 8 1/2 my Grandfather passed away. It was very traumatic for me. He was my hero and the only one I could look to for protection and one day he was there and the next day he wasn't.

This brought up a flood of emotion from other losses that I have experienced and I had kind of a mini breakdown in session. T was very supportive and at the end of session asked me what I needed to help get back to an okay place. I told her that I thought just getting off the subject and being able to listen to my music in the car would help and that I thought I was okay.

I haven't been okay since. James is very close to the surface and has been ever since session. It's kind of strange...it's like one minute I'm fine, and the next minute, James comes through and I can see him in my head and I just start to cry....HE is experiencing the flashbacks from my grandfather's death. HE is having reoccurring thoughts and visions.

It's like right now the PTSD is only affecting him....It feels so weird...I feel like I'm rambling so I'm gonna stop now, but has any one else experienced one disorder affecting only certain alters at times? Does that even make any sense....?

This makes sense. All it has to do is make sense for you for it to be what it is. i mean...whatever our mind's are capable of creating is whatever our mind's created ya know?

It may be you're feeling numbed out as your familiar way of coping while another part is conscious of the experience and it's attendant feelings. This would be very similar to when he came to be i would think. i dunno...

Really, i just want to say trust your gut. However you handle what comes up is how it can be handled so there is no right or wrong. We do what we can do...no more, no less.

[Pomegranate]

Elysium. First I have to say I just love you - you are always so open and honest. I feel a real affinity with you.

I don't have any alters, just coping with me, myself & I is difficult enough for me! This may be very different from what you mean, but when I read this post I thought it kind of described what I'm feeling right now.

I'm on new meds that are helping quite a bit with my depression and delusional thinking. The meds are not stopping the delusional thinking. But they are helping me not react to it. In fact I can *watch* the delusional thinking go by and feel mostly calm. I had been getting triggered all the time by almost anything, over reacting to the smallest thing. So it feels like what you described. Like your James is my delusional thinking. And like you are okay but aware of and feel James, I think and am aware of my delusional thoughts but remain pretty okay most of the time since the new meds kicked in. Does that make any sense to you? Does it sound like what you are experiencing with James?

I'm still unhappy that I have this delusional thinking. But I'm grateful I'm not suffering it's effects that much. I can step aside and observe it. I'm finding it a learning experience.

[Kiya]

"but has any one else experienced one disorder affecting only certain alters at times? Does that even make any sense....? "

yes - it happens. and makes perfect sense. I too have alters and we do deal with this from time to time. ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) hoping things will be better soon!!

[phoenix7]

I dont think I have alters - but I do have an inner child and i know she feels a lot of different things to how I feel - dont know if that makes sense - but I wanted to send you some