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(((Fuzzy)))
what happened to your wonderful post??
it was a good one, and I wish you had left it here with us...

don't doubt the value of your contributions here and at other places at PC.

you are important, my friend, and you have wisdom to share

In Peace

(((((((((((((((((((((white Iris)))))))))))))))))))

dont go back into hiding come here and talk to us

((((((((((((((((((((Catherine))))))))))))))))))))))))))

im glad you ahve a safe place inside

(((((((((((((((((((((Bruce )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

you are wise beyond your years (and I love star Trek lol)

(((((((((( white iris )))))))))))
I'm thinking that maybe you need to have a discussion with some of these IRL friends (maybe start with those you see less often, or haven't known for as long? as this may feel less threatening) about (some of) your, and their, feelings, needs.. and maybe about boundaries. Disscussions like this can be scary so take things gently.
(none of these are the mother's friends..)
Please use good self care and don't take on more new commitments (especially friend commitments) IRL while you're feeling vulnerable.
(sorry if I'm off base )

My take on some of these lyrics...obviously some of them didn't add anything to my thoughts; they just didn't apply.

Anthem
The birds they sang
at the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Start again...don't we do this everyday? everytime we fall on our butts but get up again? we don't have to stay down for the count...
Don't dwell on what
has passed away
or what is yet to be.
To me, this is not denying or doubting our traumas...it encouraged me to accept it and do my best to move away from it and towards freedom. "what is yet to be"--stay in the present and let the future be just that, the future.
Ah the wars they will
be fought again
we will have easy times, we will have hard times. sometimes we may feel drained, other times full of hope. but itsn't that true of every human being? we just fight a different sort of battle...but we have a special type of comrades that stand with us.
The holy dove
She will be caught again
Dove of peace...?

bought and sold
and bought again
the dove is never free.
no connection yet is coming to mind

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

We asked for signs
the signs were sent:
we search for meaning and understanding, sometimes we receive it...many times we miss the signs of progress and hope and trust.

the birth betrayed
the marriage spent
Yeah the widowhood
of every government --
signs for all to see.
again...no connections

~~didn't include this section~~

Ring the bells that still can ring ...

You can add up the parts
but you won't have the sum
we won't have the sum because we are always adding...to our hopes and desires, our determinations, our reaching/grasping for just a bit more rest and peace
You can strike up the march,
there is no drum
Every heart, every heart
to love will come
"If you hear a different drummer, dreamer take a chance
the road you choose to travel
means a difference in the dance."

Heed your own drummer, our recoveries are that; Our Own.
We don't model our recoveries after those of anyone else, if We do then they are not ours.
Respect our differences, don't race, don't look backward and don't look forward; someone will always be behind us just as another will be ahead of us.


Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
No way are we going to do anything perfect...that's why we checked the bats at the door.
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
Sometimes the light is but a glimmer in the dark, it's size does not matter--it's light out of the darkness.

Please add your thoughts.
Only by honest sharing are we going to help ourselves and help others. Simple words, fancy words...all come from our hearts.
...and every one of them has a place here.
Every One Of Them Has A Place Here

In Peace

"Be gentle first with yourself - if you wish to be gentle with others"

Lama Yeshe

W_I
This isn't a downer. It just sounds like you stumbled. You have a couple of months on me.
Sometimes I feel pretty old too, especially since my shoulder got messed up in April “no baseball game this summer ”. I'm sure that your back problem has a lot to do with the way you're feeling right now. Not just the pain but the vulnerability that comes along with it... I did a chin up yesterday, first one since April, I feel a little better about myself today.
Don't ever give up your nice and giving parts, those are special qualities that many people do not understand. They are traits of "The White" The Quiet part. I think your T would like to see you stand up for yourself. If it were only that easy. That's one of those things that will happen when it happens.

You seemed to doing so well and then poof. Like the pinball fell down the chute. It will come back. Just got to be patient “I hate that word”. Take some of your own advice “close your eyes and breathe----enlightenment will come”. Maybe take some vitamins “B complex especially”, they really do help.

A Moody Blues lyric that that lights my path.
“One more time to live and I have made it mine”.

About "Nice and giving" Qualities of caring
You should read this story
http://neilpeart.net/news/index.html

from post 379...

Please add your thoughts.
Only by honest sharing are we going to help ourselves and help others.
Simple words, fancy words...all come from our hearts.
...and every one of them has a place here.
Every One Of Them Has A Place Here

In Peace

Still crawling---sloth like---
slower than snail
but crawling.....
filling days with activity
trying to still the inside voice
of despair and doom...
trying not to stay in the corners
too long....
or blend in the shadows
and disappear
tho
that seems the easy way.

a child cries
someplace
and i can't find her....
tears of heavy sadness
whimpers of fear
echoing inside
surrounding me
and reflections
like the fun house mirrors
flash
and the frightening clowns
join in laughing....

and there is no exit sign....