Class Announcement

"I understand everyone comes to (PTSD) class with different circumstances and degrees of horrors and traumas, but I find it confusing when people offer me advice on something they might have experienced in their own lives (death and grief for example) BUT know little of the effects of MY long-term childhood trauma via sexual, physical and emotional abuse among other wacky issues and how they are all tied in with death"

I felt the way you do too. My son's death initially triggered my PTSD. Now all kinds of issues from childhood, military service, and just life in general replay over and over with the slightest provocation. I felt totally unique and that no one could understand. My pain HAD to be worse than theirs. In one group session we talked about loss. The question was raised about the worse loss in our lives. To me it seemed petty when people talked about some of their losses. This was years ago, but now I'm beginning to understand that what they lost was just as tramatic as mine.

I see this when I read others posts here in this forum also and am reminded that, although the pain is there for different reasons, we all have pain. I'm not alone.

(((((Secret))))))
pain is pain is pain is pain
don't think anyone's is more or less important....
a stubbed toe to one may be as traumatic as a broken arm to another....
unfortunately we are all in the same club---and i hate that for everyone here.
but together perhaps we can all help each other thru it.

i'm hoping i am making sense.
i'm having trouble getting thoughts and feelings together.....
everyone is so good at expressing
and right now i feel like i am in kindergarten.....
too many thoughts
not enough slots to put them in....

white_iris,
You are making more sense than you know...

No, you aren't in kindergarten and you express yourself very well.
I agree with you about the pain with the exception that being thrown many things at one time is very difficult. When it happens to me, what I need is someone to say they understand the pain then let me work through it at my own pace.

Catherine

Thanks for the support everyone.

I especially cannot thank you enough for yours, Catherine.

The orange flower said it perfectly

Feel silly asking, is this a "real" class or is it an invitation to write and support each other?

we do qualify though we are not too symptomatic of ptsd just now. that is subject to change without notification of course.

Catherine, you wrote some really great things and we all could use that kind of support and learn to give it to others.

Orange Blossom, I've been wounded deeply by those kind of remarks and agree with whoever said that they were a lot more interested in their own level of comfort around you than they were in being supportive of your grievious situation. You have been through so much and healing simply "takes whatever it takes"!

Those thinking of leaving - I hope you won't because selfishly speaking I think things would be lessened by your loss. Maybe a brief sabbatical might help...

I appreciate what Catherine wrote because it is what I need to keep hearing about life with wounds. Thank You all for your sharing.

Leslie

You said it better than I did. Thanks

We just here to support each other. Hope you continue posting you express things well.

BTW love your kitty pic

Phoenix 7 knocks respectfully at door and enters classroom and politely asks.......

Can I sit at the back and be part of the class too ? I see that I will be in great company and I will try to keep up - sorry I'm late for class ....

waits anxiously for a reply.......

peer my head in and listen. thank you for this catherine. i feel silly for not having intellegent words to reply with but thank you for this post. is class still open?

welcome P7--I'm sitting in the back of the class too----i'll be good

is it alright for me to be at the bottom of the class, and the person who doesn't say anything?

Hey, y'all...
we are all equal in this "class."
no backs, no bottoms
speak/share, listen... oh yeah
and
remember to check in those bats at the door...the ones used for beating up ourselves...the FedEx guy is waiting to pick 'em up before the landfill closes.

Teachers and students
Each of us glide in and out of teaching and learning. It's not usually planned; in fact it usually happens without us being aware of it.
Each one of us--everyone--has valuable insights to share with each other. The problem, as I see it, is not giving ourselves credit for having them, doubting their importance, perhaps fear of being misunderstood.

Yet sometimes a word or two is exactly what a hurting heart needs to hear, and exactly what a hurting heart needs to say...
it's gonna be said when that person is ready and when the person is ready to hear it.
No hurrying, when the urge is there then let's honor it.

Catherine

This is the "easiest" but the hardest and the worst class I've ever taken

I agree

(as usual i feel i dont "belong", if that is so, why does it hurt so much?)

Oh, but wait 'til we go on a field trip!

Not sure I could handle a field trip

even if its to a picnic with just the class ? in a safe place.

in a field of flowers?

.......I have an urge......to honor an urge.............

(as he sits in the middle of the classroom,with Everybody Else)

......in awl he sits....and gazes(disassociates)in amazement and ponders....

......the power of the written word....in its proper perspective...of course.......and how the value of healing secretly hides within the structure of the sentance itself.

As a child,he was told,writing is nothing. As an adult, he is breaking those chains of endearment(as he hands the bat,prefrably the 2 1/4 inch x 3 foot fence pipe, to the fed-ex man; marked for metal recycling).

In this class he forsees,tranquility,kindness,caring,understanding and due to isolation, a community or class of top notch people, learning and teaching beyond the concept of reason.

............and as he sits in awl, in the middle of the classroom(with everyone else)he acknowledges his gift of awareness(today)and deeply admires the change that has been written(because of the healing power buried deep within sentance structure).....especially within Catherine2...

...............................sparrowstail

...............................life aint nothing but a funny,funny riddle
...............................thank god I'm a country boy(at heart)

...........

The flow and flood of words to the page are so remarkable, soothing the rage and resentments born of times we don't even want to give names, colour or shape to. They are not worth it!

The airiness of this classroom is not like any other in those days...classes, mean and suffocating, stale places crushed creativity. The good of it is we dissociated to a higher place, where beautiful birds like Sparrowstail fly.

Now, sadly they don't always work, the creative parts but in this classroom, with freedom to feel...look who peeps around the desk...it's my furthest buried friend, Rage (spoken with quite a grrrr)...can she appear here? She promises she is safe where is it safe.

She wants to sit and listen and be free to speak her rage in due time when necessary. She was going to stop us posting but now, with this room...we get another chance.

Hey, we have an idea that if you look up in this classroom you see blue sky and puffy white clouds. Look, up there! We feel much safer outside.

Take care everyone...

Rage,
The Hive

This classroom is filled with caring and kindness adn I am glad I am here - maybe this is a safe place - where we can just sit and listen and speak without fear - other than the fear that follows us like a faithful puppy.
Maybe that puppy will grow into a beautiful dog of independance and happiness - hope so

Look at those clouds, I think I see a 'puppies paw' there. Do you? Thanks Phoenix 7. We will wait till Rage arrives again and in the meantime look up at the beautiful clouds.

How obvious is for our yearning to truly feel safe with one another!
Physically doesn't count here in this class, but emotionally it certainly does and it's a a goal, one that can be met.

Perhaps along with checking in our bats while walking into class, we should leave our judgments and comparisons?
Please, let's not read about another's pain and think ours is less important. Or more important...

It's not a game when it comes to finding our own path of healing. It's not sternly serious, either. Bits and pieces of humor can be found strewn along paths; I am one of the best in finding macabre humor when I fall flat on my butt.
It's an ample arse so I almost always have a tiny bruise and can say, "That went well, didn't it?"
**But--pun intended--I can say it. To myself, not to others. Know me well enough and you can say it to me.
**Find even an itty-bitty bit of humor as you walk along. Don't self flagellate because you tripped over something new, or old. We all do it. We do better next time...perhaps using a special sort of flashlight would work...
A flashlight that does not glare on our faults; it shines! on our goodness, our efforts, our steadfastness.

Please don't judge where I am in my path and I won't do it to you , either.
Yes, we walk solitary paths, but they are parallel paths. Close enough that we can reach out and grab the one who is about to fall...we catch each other, we don't sermonize or belittle.
Doing so may hurt that person for awhile, it will hurt the judge even more. For a longer time...and it grows until we acknowledge our failure to understand and then make amends.

Ask for pain and it shall come to you...ridicule and a pompous attitude are definitely invitations to Pain, Embarrassment, and Grief...we may be throwing away our right to ask for support when we need it.

Book learning has never been my favorite or best way of learning.
Listening with my heart is one of the best.
Keeping my mouth shut when another is sharing is another good way.
Not playing Can You Top This is a grand way of putting things in perspective, isn't it?

Remember Fulghums's book,
"All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten."
Simple but profound truths.
Hopefully, it's all right to post this link to some of his quotes.
Many apply to me, where I am or where I need to be

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/au...t_fulghum.html

What ones touched that spot within you and woke you up?

In Peace

Catherine

"Walk a mile in my shoes
Just walk a mile in my shoes
Before you abuse, criticize and accuse
Then walk a mile in my shoes."

Thank you Catherine...
my tasks in this class:
is to feel safe enough
to feel free enough
to come out and away from my
feeing invisible
not a part of
not good enough
not accepted.

Know all the what I don't want
I just wish I could hand over the bat and not bring in another
(have a closet full--not just a tiney one, but one of those big walk-in's
that is bigger than my bedroom)
At times my neediness is just too overwhelming
so i run away.
hide in the back of the room.
you may find me in the broom closet
or the far corner of the room.

sorry----feeling quite small today.

Catherine,

This sounds like such a worthy plan. Like Iris I might have trouble remembering to leave my bat-weapons at home (not batman weapons, bats and other weapons of self-abuse , trying for a little of that humor you mentioned)

What you suggest is what I know I need, what I desperately want and what I fear I may not be good enough to deserve. I love to communicate with you all here, I've been lonely my entire life and I finally have a place I know I belong and I am welcome.

I want to know you all, not just be known - we all have something to give (no matter how often someone told you you had nothing to give; they lied or were tooo incredibly stupid to realize the treasures you are)

The more I read your posts the more I realize that I am a person of worth among people of worth. Together we can help each other adopt the truth about ourselves and discard the lies we absorbed in toxic places from deadly, pernicious people.

I feel kinda sappy trying to communicate this to Catherine and all the class members; it is hard to be openly affectionate or admiring - BUT, I mean every word. I thought the abusers had stolen all that might be good or valuable in me, but they just distorted things. The big joke was actually on them, they thought they could provoke me to self-destruct, instead I became a sensitive, compassionate, kind and caring person. For all they did steal from me, life has given me other things of equal or greater value. As much as I've hurt over and cried over my past, today I know that I am as good as anyone who lives, there is no one better than me...OR YOU!

There is huge power for good in an association of people who support each other while all continue to work on healing and growing. I want to be in the class.

Leslie/Pixies and Teens