Class Announcement

((((catherine2))) ((((everyone)))) what rang true for me in those sayings was

sticks and stones may break our bones but words will break our hearts

and

the world does not need tourists who ride by in a bus clicking their tongues. The world as it is needs those who will love it enough to change it, with what they have, where they are

both by Robert Fulgham

words I have lived through in the first one and in the second words I try to live by

In the words of Jeff Dunham's Peanuts:
"What the hell was that?!"

Catherine it was, falling but not grasping to stop the fall...thanks to the classmates who reached out and snagged me before I reached bottom.
Thank You...Thank You!

Now I have a puzzle to put together--me.
And this is all right.
Sharing what has happened with/to me the past few days, maybe weeks.

So...jme
Sometimes I find that my "tried and true" methods don't work all the time. They may have served me well in the past, as recently as the past few weeks.
Therein lies the problem.
I became a bit smug while I rock and rolled down my path singing Joplin, picking daisies, and oohh, look at the pretty bird...you see, I can be easily distracted. NSS.
That distraction cost me, hours and hours of Feel Bad.
I became adept at swatting away those annoying little bugs circling my heart...those little bugs asking me to stop and think about things, anythings, everythings.
Shoosh away bad bugs, and I kept focusing on what had always worked.

In other words, I stagnated and allowed myself to get stuck in one helluva mess.
(Bit my butt, got that bruise, and for $451 dollars I will show it as discreetly as possible.) (Showing my butt was one of my minors in college)

Hindsight is great. I look backward and think one of two things.
1. Why did I do that?
2. Why didn't I do that?
This is the purpose of hindsight.
It is not to be confused with having the vapors, gracefully fainting, and gently fanning the sweat/"glistening" on my body.
It's for eye-opening awareness of what most likely went wrong.
My usual methods:
Same songs, same spot on the patio watching the birds dive bombing the squirrels, enjoying the beauty of the white dove, and on and on and on.
I'm fortunate/lucky/whatever because I was caught when I was making my descent into hell.

Time for a new song to soothe me
Ditto about parking myself in the same patio spot, a different spot will show me another view.
Ah, my music. Jopling in storage, flute music warming up...perhaps I'll play along with the CD.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. It broke,
I'm gearing up to fix it.
First I have to add something to my usual nutritional plan---eating my own words. Without salt, pepper, or butter.
Because I'm aware of the pitfalls of static thinking does not mean I follow my own advice.

Pitfalls do not have to be bad.
It gives classmates a chance to be my heroes.
It gives me a chance to clean up my act, throw out the old, welcome the new with shaking spirit and a poop on this...

I didn't veer off my path, and that was a major problem.
Major.
I responded to Stress--don't ya just love that word?--in the same old way.
The stresses were different, my responses to it were almost cookie-cutter.

Gonna be busy trying new things.
I have to; this is no times for being fussy and closed minded and embarrassed.
It's time for me to either get out of the victim mode...smearing ashes on my face, head covered in a black shawl, and beating the breasts while whining Mea Culpa! Mea Culpa!
or I can sloth step forward and gingerly pick things I think will be good for me. If they turn out to be less good/more irritation then I must keep looking.
This Is All Right.
I did not fail. I did nothing wrong. But I was ignorant of the need to drop/add to my usual techniques.
Usual==mire? payoff for me somewhere in that mire.
Oh, who gives a crap.

Change is necessary, obviously so. I do not need to fear it.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to go to K-Mart and they have a blue light special on changes?? Pick and sort through what is there and find out that there are as many as the stars in the sky.
Some of them will shine brighter and catch my attention.

No fair putting them on lay-away. Can't anyway since they have been paid for, just not picked up.

Today is the first day of the...rest of the story
In Peace,
Catherine

You have said much (((((((Catherine)))))) and much I can relate to....
My head is not in a really clear place so I am going to have to put this all on re-read later......

The noise in my head is too loud
the movies running are too vivid
the shock and confusion about what i'm being shown
is way too difficult to accept or
absorb----

DAMN---and the body got beat for lying
and that's what the parents did all the time....
deceit, lies, cover-ups, secrets......
TOO MUCH FLOODING!!!!!!!

You will find me in the broom closet.

Umm, one problem or maybe it is just an issue for the classroom - absences. I can feel myself wanting so much to withdraw. We confronted a big issue and I do not know quite what to do with myself. It is not exactly an "unexcused" absence, just a need to make myself be quiet so my feelings can catch up with my brain.

If I disappear, please do not take it personal or negative. I do not have the wholeness for consistency. I care so much about all of you and will be back. I hate being all or nothing, but for now I am a person of extremes.

Hugs to The Whole Class!!!!!!!!

leslie/pixies

to everyone



(feeling like running away also)

Fuzzy darling, here's what comes to mind

• There's is only one "hall pass" and it's in use at the moment
• no
• no, but heck no
• may as well stay, we need you
• you might start a stampede
• Catherine, the head mistress , wouldn't like it!!

Sincerely, don't run away...we want you, need you!

no stampedes here dear notz, maybe a few of us sitting quietly at the back rocking back and forwards but still here listening - handing blankets and stuffies into the broom closet so a friend will come and sit here with us for there is strength in numbers.

All friends are welcome here - we sit together and together we are stronger than being alone - these are for those who want or need them

This thread was meant to...
I'm not sure what exactly, but the intent was not to hurt anyone in any way, step on anyone's toes, trigger someone, or cause any problems.
Classmates all; no one in charge...just people with the same, or nearly the same, problems/issues to join in/share when it felt right while feeling safe, respected, and valued as individuals.
With a bit of humor at times to lighten things up...not in any way to make light of the situations we find ourselves in or to be mean spirited.

It didn't succeed for a variety of reasons. Part of life online, I guess.
My sincere apologies to those who were hurt in any way.

In Peace,
Catherine

((((((catherine2))))))) why didnt it succeed? i think it has - we are here supporting each other and i think that was what the thread started to do - bring us together so we can feel safe and supported and be heard when we have the strength to speak

not a failure - a HUGE success

I can accept this...
[quote=Catherine2;1092224]This thread was meant to...
I'm not sure what exactly, but the intent was not to hurt anyone in any way, step on anyone's toes, trigger someone, or cause any problems.
Classmates all; no one in charge...just people with the same, or nearly the same, problems/issues to join in/share when it felt right while feeling safe, respected, and valued as individuals.
With a bit of humor at times to lighten things up...not in any way to make light of the situations we find ourselves in or to be mean spirited.

I cannot accept this...
It didn't succeed for a variety of reasons. Part of life online, I guess.
My sincere apologies to those who were hurt in any way.
______________________________________________

First, my love, thanks and continued support to and of Catherine. Not only for this thread, but many other kindnesses and innumerable shows of support by her to many others. We are here for you, just as you have been for us and many others.

I've been getting to know you for about 9 months and, in my humble opinion, lately is about as hard a time as I've seen you go through. My heartfelt support and love goes out to you!

Second, for those of you who have heard this kind of talk from me before, please accept the repetitiveness as friendly/sisterly. Only time will tell if this thread is useful or not. My assumption is total abandonment would be the ultimate tell-tale sign of the end of a thread. In other words, as long as someone is posting then it serves a purpose. What purpose? Again, time is telling and unique to the individual.

Until then, success or failure is totally subjective. If you want or need to post, then certainly do that! If you want or need to respond, then certainly do that!

I propose that we are "family" and as such, we rally around our own. We nurse and nurture, soothe and care, cajole and chide and love and support each other! And always with love and respect...

We one of us trembles, we offer support.
When one of us stumbles, we offer a hand.
When we shiver, we accept warmth.
When we're depressed, we accept hugs.

We each have our moments, ups, downs and all-arounds. We all cope in our own ways. Many things influence who we are and how we progress in our lives. Our paths are graced with each other's crossings.

I cannot assume to know exactly what's going on with you and you cannot assume to know exactly what's going on with me. It matters that we are here, at the ready for each other whether that be in the telling or in the listening.

What I find important, is knowing I have someplace to go, a place like this. I hope that's true for you, too. I need support and empathy. I offer the same to you.

I could probably write more but I'm honestly a little "worded" out now. I think I'll take a break.

Respectfully yours...

Catherine my dear,

You have created a safe place for us to fall. Some of us have fallen and are resting there. Some of us are quiet so as not to disturb the fallen.

For some of us, reaching out is tough. For me, someone reaching back can be scary. I will take your hand, then let go, then take it again. It is not personal, it is the way I was raised.

Being here IS a classroom. For me the lesson is to develop a trust in humanity. To learn that there ARE safe people in the world.

You cannot hold yourself responsible for the rise and fall of the issues that everyone faces/is facing/will face.

You unlocked the classroom door and let us all in.

That gesture, at least for me, is huge.

I sincerely appreciate the encouragement.
... I did not feel responsible for anything other than offering my support along with everyone else who was offering it.
Most of us, I think, wander in and out of fear, anger, and frustration. Sometimes we can share what is happening and how we are feeling, other times we cannot.
I respect this as does everyone posting in here.
It's what we do; give space to someone who needs it by honoring their boundaries..."welcome backs" are readily available with no expectation of any explanation for absences.
We come and go according to our personal needs, this is honoring our feelings.
Perhaps for many of us, myself included, learning to accept them, honor them, and validate them without seeking approval from others is a milestone...

Sometimes doing something in a different way is criticized/damned by those who think there is a set-in-stone way of healing, and deviating from it is not acceptable.

The past several months have not been any harder for me than it has been for anyone else.
I think we have done the best we could at any given moment...something we fail to see until the crisis has passed, and we may not see it even then. We are also members of The Should Have Class And Since I Did Not Do It Perfectly Then I Am Worthless ; most of us have MAs in it.
Our bats are well worn, with a patina that comes with constant use.

Lessons taught, lessons learned. Teachers...everyone of us.

In Peace,
Catherine

I think I worded it wrong and I now I'm pretty sure i've misunderstood this whole thing.

Your apologies made me think that maybe you were taking responsibility for something that was not working out when in fact, if it wasn't working out, shouldn't we all share that responsibility?

Sorry for the misunderstanding.

((OB))
No apology is necessary...
My reply was based on:'
Sometimes doing something in a different way is criticized/damned by those who think there is a set-in-stone way of healing, and deviating from it is not acceptable.
Things happen outside the classroom...
scorn/ridicule
The very things we left at the door, key word is "We."
Those who did not venture into our classroom held onto theirs.
Their problem, their target.

In Peace,
Catherine

Ok. I get it now.

thanks, I thought you would
I didn't duck in time

New Day, New Attitude
Almost new attitude...

In discovering that my usual "rescue techniques" were not working, I feel as though I have been given a gift; a somewhat strange one but a gift nonetheless.
Rescue techniques, like healing is a journey. As I walk my path of healing, what worked for me before does not mean they will work for me now.
Some do, some don't.
It's up to me to keep or toss, open my mind to entirely new ones...I can be self-serving, overprotective, and unproductive at times.
Being overwhelmed should have been my sign--if you are familiar with that saying.

Gratitude fills my heart for what has worked many, many times for me.
Hope is also there for the new ones that are coming.
Understanding and acceptance that letting go of some of them is a good thing.

I'm not beating myself up for fighting these changes.
The bump on my butt is because sometimes I need bumps to get my attention...and if I say, "Who Me?"
The answer to that is, "Yeah, ya see anyone else around?"

Allowing anyone, irl or here, to dictate my actions re sharing my thoughts? Past the expiration date.

In Peace,
Catherine

Hi Catherine

Hope you don't mind me sticking my head through the classroom door, but I just had to say this about that.
I read OH Boy. I don't even know what to say. I just want you to know that I did read it.

The doorway to “the...rest of the story “ is an ugly one. It always is. That's why everybody is so afraid to turn that knob. It ends up that somebody else turns the knob, sometimes with a single comment and Kaboom, the ultimate trigger, the one that goes right over the top. The one that makes something inside scream out “I CAN”T BE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!!!.......IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!!” or something like that. In my case there were many colorful adjectives that went along with that statement, over and over and over again. On the other side of the door though is understanding, like the feeling of “watching that grasshopper at rest”. I was elated to see that you have thrown the book away and are attempting to change your perspective. It's the only way out. People need to know that.

Hind sight in the open is twenty twenty, however hindsight for PTSD people is distorted by the events that put us there. foresight in this place is like the emptiness of space. People here are in various stages of whatever you want to call this thing, and there are so many to go through. I try not to post in this forum for fear of saying something that somebody is not ready to hear, but here you are living it, and sharing it as it happens. How inspiring is that? Maybe you pushed a button that cracked open somebody else's door? How special would that be?
Nobody should ever have to apologize for being open and honest.

Innovators are often ridiculed and persecuted by the establishment. Like the earth is round or something, “what an idiot”.

If you like, you can just forward the critics to me. Tell them: I found an anomaly that I think you need to address.

I see this thread as a great success. I see this thread as inspirational for those who are ready to accept. That's pretty special.
Bruce.

Bruce, thank you...

Powerful words, my friend.
For me, but also for everyone who takes one more trembling step, cautious with our hopes, wary it's going to be an added disappointment...and we do it anyway.
Courage. It is not lack of fear or an abundance of bravery.
Jmo, but it is willingness to challenge what we perceive to be truths about ourselves. The distortions you mentioned...
When we make peace with our true reflection in the mirror, and not the reflection we have accepted from others as being accurate, makes our continuing path of healing more joyous.

Welcome to class, Bruce.
Please share...the trigger icon is always available.
Others must take responsibility for their decision to read the post.
None of us are caretakers in this class...

In Peace,
Catherin

...................It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare...................~Mark Twain

..........samuel clemens..........the writer he was....sums this thread up in one sentence...........

..........courage quotes today class......I gotta whole bunch of 'em.......

..........anybody else?..................

..........one of my favorites, is a proverb.............

.........."fear and courage are brothers"..............being humanly correct, because we are in school...............it needs to read.......

.........."fear and courage are brother and sister"............

sparrowstail, my friend, hello!

I accept the challenge--brainyquote has many courage quotes--so I'm off (yeah, I know most folks think I am already) to find some good ones.

How ya been?

In Peace, Brother

Alan Cohen: It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.

First one I found...rather appropiate for what I am trying to do.
It must be the gods directing me to the words I needed to read, not write.

In Peace,
Catherine

.......and so has it.....the world will turn....with or without me.......

.......in search of that peace, which comes from within........

.......still asking questions..........re-defined.........without inner turmoil.....

.......reflection with rejuvination.............

.......finding the courage that is hid......amungst us all.....in this cyber-classroom.......


............................

Sources?
Some are familiar, others are not
oh-oh--are they the same one?

Senior moment along with brain fog gives me a good reason for memory lapses.