[krzyk101]

Hi,

Seems the more I look into PTSD and different situations and others stories for me I guess I am realizing that I 'see' something so different in so many situations copared to those I know who do not have PTSD.

For an example, Yesterday as I drove an hour trip home from my Mothers on a rual State Road before even dark I came to a point where at times My OCD symptoms get to the point I feel the need to 'write down' just about everything that comes to mind with time and date....

So to get to my point of the altered thoughts (I think) part of the PTSD, I came to a secluded four way stop with no cars behind me and in an attempt to 'document a thought with my clipboard and pen' impulsivly, I turned on my four way hazard lights, even though daylight.

As I recall I was writing my car stopped facing to the South and noticed a truck had stopped just past the light going west.

Anyway, this average looking man was walking towards my car as I impulsivly was writing something down.

When I could see this man approach half way between his vehicle and mine, in his hand all I could make out a black object. Without even thinking twice in my mind I thought to myself "is that a piece he has in his hand?" Doors already locked of course, I realized it was a cell phone, only I had my 'PLAN' of escape already in mind.

So, turns out that this man was in reality someone who thought I was having car trouble and a good samaritan and asked me if everything was ok? I responded with "Yes, Thank You I just needed to write down a few things" and then to my surprise there was a vehicle stopped behind me and he flagged them around me. Went back to his vehicle.

Mixed feelings I had of my thinking, and how this person wanted nothing more to help me if I needed help, yet I do not guess I understand that his or many persons with good intentions, I only initially see as threats or possible harm to me

I am now aware of this thinking and thoughts and just as someone may suggest I in another situation sit in a 'Better Seat' While I try to tell them I dont sit with my back to the entrance or the say dining room of a restruarnt if I do make my way into a dining room.....istead of drive-thru park and eat.

Are these some normal things which occur along with PTSD? like my guard always up prepared where I am at in public seating with an exit plan before even sitting down?

Thanks for listening and for support.

Chris,

I too find every exit in a place I've just entered, know how to get out of any airplane (count seat rows to exits), am always near the door to any large bus, etc.

It is part of the hypervigilance of PTSD. What a great observation you were able to make about yourself at that stopsign! I would have thought the same as you that the trucker/other motorist had ill intent..............when in fact he was a good samaritan with a cell phone trying to help.

Time. Time and working on things like this help. You won't always have these reactions Chris. PTSD just makes us feel like we'll never be able to change.

Thank you so much for sharing this. I had been teased by friends before about my never having my back to a door or having an exit strategy from any building I was in. Wasn't fun being teased for just being how I am. I'm not trying to be this jumpy!!

Take care Chris. Was your visit with your mother good? It is nice to see you're getting out.

[CedarS]

I have similiar experiences, I go through hypervigilance, I make choices as to where to sit in public etc. according to what feels safest, and I tend to be ready for the worst.

Reminds me of taking a walk years ago with a friend who was a Vietnam vet. The bushes near us rustled in the wind, he immmediately was in a full crouch and ready to defend himself. War experience wired him to expect rustling bushes to equal enemy fire.

What's tricky for me is that some of what I expect in my hypervigilance -may- be real. In other words, the cell phone could be a gun. We all do need to be safe and alert, watchful. Difficult stuff does happen. Reality does at times include danger.

So, the balance is in how we can live, survive and thrive, while being realistic, watchful, alert, paying attention to our instincts....-and- also keep ourselves on a reasonable non-reactive even keel. Definitely a balancing act, and I believe it can be done.

I'm less hypervigilant when I've eaten well, slept well, when I've taken good care of myself and have a good sturdy foundation. Though that ain't necessarily a guarantee either.

I try to remind myself that hypervigilance was a survival strategy, it has nothing to do with my worth, I am not bad or stupid. It was a survival strategy and now I can learn how to fine tune it, use it rather than be used by it.

Sarah

[krzyk101]

Dear ZH,

Thank you know I am not the only one who battles this.

I to be honestly what term the hypervigilance of PTSD is or what the word means?

Making a reply or post mostly really anxious and almost panic. Like right now, I am already worried that I am not 'saying' the right things or for the most part am understand the many parts of my disorders and Mental Illness.

I have after 12 years time started or was granted Therapy. I do believe as You said it would take time. My T seems to think I may have a DID issue.

I guess working with a T now for about 3 months on a weekly basis, I will have to just continue to learn.

She's saying that now in Therapy for first time in 12 years, in the past never having Talk Therapy, that I have alot ot supressed feelings and emotions. From the times before being in the Psych. System the PTSD never addressed until now have built up with in me and my mind that I have many things never brought up during my years of being a Mental Health Client.

Some of what is flashed into my head from the past has been there all along, Yet I am just now starting to talk about them for the first time in all of the years past.

I am sorry if this made no sence only I am thankful for you understanding.

Chris