[CedarS]

http://www.johncflanaganlcsw.com/art...Reactivity.htm

I like this article and am mulling over various ideas presented in it. I'm experimenting with questioning some of my reactions. Also reminding myself to wait for further information and that I don't have to automatically go into flight or fight mode anymore.

Sarah

SarahL,

Thank you so much for posting that site. I read the article and several others there about PTSD-- they're very helpful and I could relate to so many of them.
I too am trying to work on the flight or fight reactions that are so engrained in my mind.

Good luck to you.
Thanks again!!

Mandy

[CedarS]

This week I've been working on one common way I am often highly reactive.

Neighbors. Noisy, silly, obnoxious neighbors. Even though our apartment complex has new owners and management and is -much- better, I discovered I still reacted as if everything was an emergency.

So, now what I do is first evaluate: Do I need to call police or management? Is this an actual emergency/against rules? If not, I go to next plan. Distract myself. Turn on music and a white noise machine to take care of neighbor noise. Close blinds if what is bothering me would otherwise be right in view. Distract, distract, distract.

Make sure that I am breathing well, that I'm not tiptoeing and pacing around. Calm. I use peaceful images and thoughts.

This last event, rather than reacting and suffering, I evaluated first if I needed to get authorities involved, I did not. I turned on pleasing music and set up the white noise machine where it could blur out the sounds. I closed the blinds to the window involved so I wouldn't keep checking what was going on. I took a nice hot bath, which soothes my already achy muscles and any tension. Hummed to myself, found a good book and settled in to read. And I noticed this time I was able to stay on an even keel. It was no big deal. I didn't go through a big surge of anxiety.

Sarah

[(JD)]

good work! Also, especially with neighbors, do you REALLY need to be the one to notify management???? I find that if I allow things (like "everyone" else) that it won't be the perfect neighborhood, but I won't feel like the only one who cares either. There are situations with several of my neighbors and I'm having a tough time NOT reacting. (i.e. the one right next door of zero lot line homes, cooks on propane IN THEIR GARAGE! so if it blows or catches their house... my front corner will go too...)

I have promised not to complain about the neighbors behind me whose dog is out all the time (not allowed) but now the dog is digging under the fence TO MY YARD... I'm trying to decide how to handle that for my OWN best interest.

Take care.... it's easier said than done....

[(JD)]

OH btw if you are able to stop and think prior to reacting you are already well on your way to managing the stimulus! To even be able to think you don't have to be "automatic" means you aren't in the automatic mode... wow this is good!

[CedarS]

I do let a lot more go by now, ignore what I can, give other residents time to maybe call on authorities. Of course if an actual crime is happening or I'm pretty sure domestic violence is ongoing, I make the needed calls.

Our apartment management has outright asked us to help them out, report violations. I deal with whatever is right in my area, but otherwise work to protect myself a little more, not be so wide open to whatever is going on elsewhere.

Last month had to deal with my next door new neighbor who was happily cooking his steaks on a hibachi outside right against a shared wall, smoke filling neighbor's apartments upstairs, seeing flames outside my window wasn't fun. Turned out he was stoned most likely and wasn't really understanding my suggestions, I later did mention it to management, his hibachi is now moved a bit further away. I felt really anxious during this but have used this and other experiences to learn from and make choices.

Boundaries has a lot to do with all this, I now have much better boundaries. I am -here- and they are over -there-. I have room to make choices.

Sarah