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#1
Oct 21, 2009, 06:16 PM
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MAY BE A TRIGGER
ok I've been kind of quiet here lately. Last month I had something happen that is really bothering me. Any thoughts would be welcome. When my Mom got sick I bought the house that she raised us in (where my Dad ended his life) because it was breaking her heart to sell it. Probably not good self care on my part...but..I did it. First thing we did was convert the garage to a pool room as I couldn't stand to go out there. Five weeks ago, I was sleeping and flashing red lights woke me up..OMG!! I jumped out of bed and it was like I went back in time!! I walked down the same hall I walked down when it happened and totally expected my Mom to be sitting on the front porch crying with the neighbor...In my head I could see the paramedics rolling out a stretcher with a sheet draped over it...It was like I was 8 again... Turned out my neighbor across the street had caught his chimney on fire. Since that happened I have slept with a light on in the bedroom when my husband isn't home. I don't know what to think..this has just totally bothered (mild word) me since it happened and I don't know what to do with it....
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[SIGPIC[/SIGPIC]  Susan
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#2
Oct 21, 2009, 07:42 PM
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Hi Susan, Sorry you've had to re-experience this emotion and moment in time...Hopefully you have some support at home to help you through this...and then theres PC.
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10-2009  A trademark of Sunny:P-productions.....sharing with the world....everybody wants to be in the sunshine!  Dont they? __________________ Wish I WERE somewhere sunny.... Sunny :P  
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 Anonymous29357
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#3
Oct 22, 2009, 11:56 AM
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Susan...
my own experience has been that I needed to try and see if something going on in the present set me off...I may have been feeling particularly vulnerable for some reason. Sometimes there wasn't anything that I could pinpoint, though. Riding it out was a bit of a challenge, but it was worse if I didn't allow myself to feel those feelings of anger/sorrow/weariness. The biggest one for me was the fear; I needed to feel safe so that is something I focused on so I could lessen it's impact on me. Journaling was a source of help to me. I could write with honesty about things I would not have verbalized... You are in my thoughts as you to walk through this knowing you are loved, In Peace Catherine
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The Most Dangerous Enemy Is The One In Your Head Telling You What You Do and Don't Deserve... |
| Anonymous29357, susan888
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#4
Oct 22, 2009, 01:53 PM
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((((((((((((((((( Susan )))))))))))))))))))
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| Anonymous29357, susan888
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#5
Oct 22, 2009, 06:52 PM
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Quote:
Anyway, what a awful thing to have to live and deal with. I'm so sorry. If there's anything I could say or do... I definitely would do for you. Love Starlite |
| susan888
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#6
Oct 24, 2009, 12:16 PM
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((((((Susan))))))
Flashbacks can be really hard to deal with. I concur with Starlite, do you have a T? If not you might want to find one to discuss this with. The loss of a parent in such a traumatic fashion can be traumatizing. It is not surprising that something like emergency lights triggered a reaction. Please be gentle with yourself. Can you talk to your husband about what is happening? Have you been able to process the grief over your father's death? Please be gentle with yourself. Please also reach out to those IRL who can help you.
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| susan888
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#7
Oct 25, 2009, 03:34 PM
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Wow!!
I can see how this triggered you!! It took you back to those horrifying moments and now you are kind of more connected to it. Like your stuck there a bit again. In my therapy, my T had me think of a place to put distressing thoughts, pictures, and ideas that won't stop haunting me and that cause me distress. Maybe you could try and put this scary situation away somewhere so it can't hurt you for the moment. You could make it anything you wanted.... It could be a time capsule and you can bury it in the yard. It can be a dusty box that you hide in the attic/basement...It could be a trash can that you can empty if it starts to overflow. Whatever you want it to be...it can be. I hope this suggestion is at least a little helpful. I'm so sorry that you experienced this when you were young...and sorry still that you re-experience it still. 
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| susan888
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#8
Oct 25, 2009, 04:41 PM
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(((((susan888)))))))))) flash backs are hard. I see why you had one.
sending you a big hug.. FIre siren do it for me too. The whistle that blows to bring the firemen in. Like a tornato whistle for those who do not have them in thier towns. For fire men. Im so sorry that happened to you and your family. I wish i had a answer for how to make the picture in your head go away. What i do is medatate. ((spelled wrong))) and I breath ..deep breaths.. and try to work threw it. It has helped me tons. If i ignore it ...for me .. its still there .. Im not going to say what mine was as I do not want you to have any other pics in your head. Just know i care and you matter ((((((susan888)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) |
| Catherine2, susan888
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#9
Oct 26, 2009, 05:00 PM
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I have been giving this some thought and letting myself "feel" the fear and the dread that my 8 year old self felt. I've started to remember more about the days that followed, but I think that maybe that is a good thing. I don't think I have really done that to this extent before. It was always "don't talk about it", "it upsets everyone when you ask questions"...
Right now I feel more detached. Like I can remember and it feels like watching a movie. Such a strange feeling...but...I can sleep without the light on again so I'm glad for that. Thank you all so much for your insight and wisdom!! I sincerely hope that my neighbor never sets his chimney on fire again!!! LOL Although maybe it was a blessing in that I have been in a place where my mind can process some of the memories that have been stuffed down so long. Much love to you all!!
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[SIGPIC[/SIGPIC] Susan
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#10
Oct 26, 2009, 11:29 PM
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Susan,
Thank you for the "update." It means so much to us to know how one of our own is doing... Much love back to you! In Peace
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The Most Dangerous Enemy Is The One In Your Head Telling You What You Do and Don't Deserve... |
| susan888
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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