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#1
Oct 23, 2009, 10:38 AM
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OK so I went to T last night and it was good.
We talked about PTSD, patterns and recognizing mine, and setting a couple goals to help change a couple small patterns. No problem .... He suggested joining a support group in the area ...... another hurtle...  Tonight I am supposed to go to dinner w/friends for my birthday...I am a wreck about the social aspect of this. I just get so worked up.....  Aside from that I am dealing with stuff at work that gives me pressure, nothing new its my job ..... grrrr! Aside from that I am dealing with some health issues....blaaagh! Triggers....random crap on top of that my son is not doing well in school and is a teen and I am trying to point him in the right direction.... on top of that I sent T an email, that talks a little bit about how I depend on him...now that I re-read it I am stressed from that.....It talks about my issues about being around men and unsure of myself. It talks about how I feel about T(see below). I am nerved up and in knots......UGH  When my friend talks about being with men and around men and flirting with men and socializin with men....I freeze up. I dont know why, I was never like this in my younger years....now...its been like 10 years since I have been in any relationship and even before that I was in a crappy one at that.... I dont know how to be around a man and feel comfortable, I feel inadequate, I feel like I just cant open up and I cant see me in a relationship. I want to meet people, men included and yes someday I think I would like to be in a relationship but something inside of me is shut off....  However, my T is a male and I dont feel that way with him. I feel like I can be around him and not feel uncomfortable... sometimes I feel like he is the only man I will be able to be open with and relate to...he is younger than me which is weird enough because I never really related to younger men....I have been meeting w/him for about 10 mos, now I feel like I can not live without him and now when I see people talk about not having T anymore in their lives I am freaked out because that is something I had not thought about before reading their experiences.  Sooooo ....there are so many things... I am overwhelmed .....I feel good because my medication was adj and so thats good... but I got all this stuff ...... I want to run away! Wish I didnt feel this way ..... 
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10-2009  A trademark of Sunny:P-productions.....sharing with the world....everybody wants to be in the sunshine!  Dont they? __________________ Wish I WERE somewhere sunny.... Sunny :P 
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#2
Oct 23, 2009, 12:04 PM
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Hi Sunny,
The dinner with your friends sounds like it will be good. You are keeping it simple I hope. I hope you have talked to your friend about that. You have quite a few things going on at once. The feeling of being dependant on your T is normal. They know it happens also. I think right for today just try to enjoy the evening with friends. Thinking about too many different items at one time just makes it harder to handle one. Just try to enjoy your evening by thinking about you. Have a little enjoyment. Quote:
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 SUNNY2009
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#3
Oct 23, 2009, 12:41 PM
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Quote:
I can understand how you would fear losing your T. I am glad that you have a good one! I am sorry that you have some stressors going on now..... 
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#4
Oct 24, 2009, 08:13 AM
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OK I made it ..... Yay for me.
I went for a walk before going out....that was good cuz I needed a release of stress and anxiety. Got to keep doing my walks or else I get nerved up and cant function. The night is exactly how I would have wanted it (oth than the partier) but I enjoyed it. We went to my fav restrnt and it was very good... had my fav meal - filet - and had desert - choc cake YUM! Thanks REG - I took your adv and just focused on the evening! left everything else at home....or on PC Quote:
healthy boundaries - last night I realized that this is what is needed with a very needy friend. She has a major drinking issue and also takes xanax. She has many personal issues and well.....I think she is a big trigger for me w/anxiety ...because over the last 2 mos I have kept much distance betwn us....last nite being around her I realized why ..... she stresses me out because she is out of control and can not be counted on....I feel badly but I can not fix her .. She never listens or follows through with my advice and continues to go in circles with all of her issues.....of course I am very understanding butttt....I have so much going on that I just cant handle her. I think I had been taking care of her to some extent up until recent mos and so I now know distance (boundaries) with her are necessary. ahhhhh ....that is a good choice for me. I am learning I guess. expressing my needs - eeek! that is one I struggle with. How to ask for what I need. Or how to just say what I feel at the time to the person and being direct....yikes! thats another one..... Empoerment / control .... expressing.... All of these are lost on me, so far but I am working at it. I just wsh I could figure this stuff out quicker but my brain just doesnt work that way. Anyway....thanks again! I hope you have a great weekend
__________________
10-2009 A trademark of Sunny:P-productions.....sharing with the world....everybody wants to be in the sunshine! Dont they? __________________ Wish I WERE somewhere sunny.... Sunny :P
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#5
Oct 24, 2009, 09:02 AM
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Just give yourself time as you discover who you are. First you might make a list of your needs and wants. Then pick just one. The easiest one. I find it is easier to obtain small goals and it is easier to see your progress. It is easier to fail when we have set the standard way to high.
expressing my needs - eeek! that is one I struggle with. How to ask for what I need. Or how to just say what I feel at the time to the person and being direct....yikes! thats another one..... Empoerment / control .... expressing.... All of these are lost on me, so far but I am working at it. I just wsh I could figure this stuff out quicker but my brain just doesnt work that way. Anyway....thanks again! I hope you have a great weekend [/quote] |
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#6
Oct 26, 2009, 12:41 PM
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Sunny, you will do well on this journey because you are smart and capable! Very good realizing that boundary issue with your friend! Good self awareness and this is what it takes to understand and work through your issues! You don't have to work through everything immediately. It takes time and this is okay. I know how that anxiety doesn't like any unknowns hanging around, though! (I worked on my anxiety too, understanding where it came from and doing the self talk, telling myself that I am okay at the moment and that the anxiety was being triggered from the past and to try to let it go). I am glad that you had a good time at the restaurant!
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| SUNNY2009
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#7
Oct 27, 2009, 04:37 AM
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__________________
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| SUNNY2009
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#8
Oct 27, 2009, 05:03 PM
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Sunny the fact that you feel like running away shouts to me that you are becoming overwhelmed. When you next see T maybe talk a little about just how to keep on an even keel, any deep or triggering stuff needs to go on the backburner for a little while. You are doing so well, the parents thing at the weekend - you coped with it by going for a walk before hand. Don't look at the whole picture just now, little chunks, babysteps, one thing at a time is what you need sweetie. The worst thing you can do now is to become overwhelmed with too much 'stuff'. Take care of YOU, be good to yourself which I know is hard for a survivor, but you will learn how to I promise. Do something you enjoy and make time for YOU. Love, Kerry xx
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The feather landed gently at his feet. The boy looked back up at the sky and let his balloon go. It was a fair trade. ~ quote by Dominic my wonderful son   " As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." ― Marianne Williamson |
| SUNNY2009
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