[DangerMagnet]

For the first time in a long time I tried to go out on my own yesterday. No family no friends, no kids, just sometime alone. Its been 8 years it will be 9 on the 20th of this month, since I was raped. I was doing good for about an hour and a half. Then I saw him. He came toward me so I left. I went to a different store figuring he would leave it at that. No he found me there too. I went to the nearest bathroom and call my fiance to come get me. I then went to mall security who stayed with me till my fiance came to pick me up. I feel so defeated. I feel scared (I was told he lived in another state now.) Ever since yesterday I've stayed inside blinds closed doors locked. It feels like I was raped just yesterday again. I can't close my eyes with out seeing him. I feel like I'm back at square one.

Was he prosecuted?

[DangerMagnet]

No. It was my boyfriend at the time on my 16th birthday. I didn't tell anyone for a while I was scared. When I told my youth minister he told me I was lying that "D" would never do that. When I did go to the police I was told there was no point in going after him. He's popped up in my life on and off since but it's been almost a 17months since I've seen of heard from him. The police said I don't have enough for a restraining order. I tried to talk to my fiance about it before he went to work today about my fears. He told me I should be over it by now. Is that true should I be over it?

No, unfortunately, your boyfriend does not know what he is talking about. I am so sorry that people are discounting what you are experiencing. Perhaps you should consider seeing a therapist?

[susan888]

You never get over it....I was 16 and in "love" when I lost my virginity....it just wasn't supposed to happen that way, but I was told I was a "tease" by a man 9 years older than me. I always told myself that it didn't count because I pushed away and he didn't get to "finish"...but stilll.....he stole that from me.

You can heal....but I don't think you can forget...

[DangerMagnet]

I do see a therapist. I tried to get my appointment moved up from the end of the month to sooner but she is booked. I'm hoping some one will cancel and she can get me in.

Susan I was in love with him and part of me still is. We were together for a few months before the relationship turned abusive and controling. He did get to finish I was pregnant until he threw me aginst a door when I made him angry it caused me to miscarry. I see people I knew in high school and they have this urge to tell me how he is what he's doing. I need to learn how to walk away when they start telling me anyway.

Sometimes I feel like I may never heal. I wish I could forget.

[susan888]

(((DangerMagnet)))

Your pain is so big...you were badly abused....I am so sorry....This is not your fault at all! I can only hope that your T can get you in early. Sending you deep understanding and healing thoughts.

[volatile]

I know how you feel exactly. I may have not been raped by the man but he tried to kill my friend and I fought for my life and my friends. I can't do anything about it now and every time I see him I have flashbacks and all those old fears come back. I wish I could forget it too but I know we can heal it just takes the right things.