[darkrunner]

One of the PTSD symptoms I really struggle with is avoidance...
I avoid everything in my life that remotely reminds me of the trauma.

My T told me that I will never heal as long as I keep avoiding. She says I must face these things. I just can't bring myself to do it.

Is this a struggle for anyone else?
Does anyone have advice for how to do this? My T seems to be saying 'just do it', but I don't know if she understands how hard it is.

[VickiesPath]

Originally Posted by darkrunner

One of the PTSD symptoms I really struggle with is avoidance...
I avoid everything in my life that remotely reminds me of the trauma.

My T told me that I will never heal as long as I keep avoiding. She says I must face these things. I just can't bring myself to do it.

Is this a struggle for anyone else?
Does anyone have advice for how to do this? My T seems to be saying 'just do it', but I don't know if she understands how hard it is.

Yes, it's hard. M. Scott Peck, M.D. who wrote The Road Less Traveled said that one thing that makes life harder on us humans is not realizing that life is hard.

But I can tell you from experience that the first time, you grit your teeth, set your determination and go for it. It will shake you up. Of course it will. You will survive and come out ok. But the next time will be easier. And so on.

It takes sheer willpower. You have to have courage in the face of your fear. But you can do it. I did it. I told myself that I was not going to live my life being afraid and restricted.

I believe in you.

[amante]

Darkrunner,
I suffer with this too with my PTSD. I avoid friends, social gatherings, going out, household tasks that are overwelming, it can come out in anything.
what is it that you are avoiding? It's easy for a T to say just do it, it's not so easy to just do that. I have lost friendships along the way because of the avoidance issue. People don't understand if they are not suffering with this.

[darkrunner]

Vickie, your encouragement means a lot to me.
One thing I'm afraid of, is that if I start facing the fears I will spiral downward and go back to using a lot of the bad coping mechanisms (SI, eating disorder, alcohol, sui). I'm at a place where I am functioning pretty well right now, and I have to be ok for my family. I know I could 'just do it' --- but then I don't know how I would handle it.
So...when you did it, did it make things worse for you? How did you handle that?

Amante, I'm sorry you deal with this too.
Like you, I have had many relationships become very strained because of it. They just don't understand, and they think I am being unreasonable. Unfortunately what I am avoiding used to be a huge part of my life. So I have been left completely empty and direction-less.....like I am a shell of the person I used to be.

Thanks for understanding, Amante.

[amante]

Originally Posted by darkrunner

Vickie, your encouragement means a lot to me.
One thing I'm afraid of, is that if I start facing the fears I will spiral downward and go back to using a lot of the bad coping mechanisms (SI, eating disorder, alcohol, sui). I'm at a place where I am functioning pretty well right now, and I have to be ok for my family. I know I could 'just do it' --- but then I don't know how I would handle it.
So...when you did it, did it make things worse for you? How did you handle that?

Amante, I'm sorry you deal with this too.
Like you, I have had many relationships become very strained because of it. They just don't understand, and they think I am being unreasonable. Unfortunately what I am avoiding used to be a huge part of my life. So I have been left completely empty and direction-less.....like I am a shell of the person I used to be.

Thanks for understanding, Amante.

I feel for you, relationships are very hard to hold in place when you are suffering with PTSD, I've had my husband say some unreasonable and outlandish comments to me, although he's very supportive most of the time, they crack too some times. I've had an eating disorder too, and it raises it's ugly head every now and again when my eating is out of control.

[VickiesPath]

Originally Posted by darkrunner

Vickie, your encouragement means a lot to me.
One thing I'm afraid of, is that if I start facing the fears I will spiral downward and go back to using a lot of the bad coping mechanisms (SI, eating disorder, alcohol, sui). I'm at a place where I am functioning pretty well right now, and I have to be ok for my family. I know I could 'just do it' --- but then I don't know how I would handle it.
So...when you did it, did it make things worse for you? How did you handle that?

Darkrunner, if you agree with your T and you think that you do need to "just do it", then I would be willing to bet that you can. If you agree with her. The key is, you are in control. You don't have to do it all at once. You can go slow enough to where you don't have to feel out of control and start spiralling. With your T's help, identify one tiny step, one small movement toward facing part of your avoidance that you believe that you could handle. Make a decision to face it and do it. You will succeed and probably feel much relief and a little more confident. Then, plan the next step. And so on. There's a saying. You can eat an elephant one bite at a time. Since I do not know the specifics about your trauma, you may have to be creative when planning the steps. They may seem silly to others but that doesn't matter at all. They will be meaningful to you. Any single action that you take which takes you closer to overcoming your avoidance is a step in the right direction and is going to help you. Keep a journal. Write them down. Share this with your T and get feedback on it.

I'll be waiting to hear how it goes.

[amante]

Darkrunner,
how are you feeling about everything today....?

Vickie had some terrific advice and comments.

I'm having a semi-okay today I guess.

[darkrunner]

Originally Posted by VickiesPath

Darkrunner, if you agree with your T and you think that you do need to "just do it", then I would be willing to bet that you can. If you agree with her. The key is, you are in control. You don't have to do it all at once. You can go slow enough to where you don't have to feel out of control and start spiralling. With your T's help, identify one tiny step, one small movement toward facing part of your avoidance that you believe that you could handle. Make a decision to face it and do it. You will succeed and probably feel much relief and a little more confident. Then, plan the next step. And so on. There's a saying. You can eat an elephant one bite at a time. Since I do not know the specifics about your trauma, you may have to be creative when planning the steps. They may seem silly to others but that doesn't matter at all. They will be meaningful to you. Any single action that you take which takes you closer to overcoming your avoidance is a step in the right direction and is going to help you. Keep a journal. Write them down. Share this with your T and get feedback on it.

I'll be waiting to hear how it goes.

This makes it sound.....more managable somehow.....even possible.
Thanks, Vickie. You've given me a lot to think about it.

[darkrunner]

Originally Posted by amante

Darkrunner,
how are you feeling about everything today....?

Vickie had some terrific advice and comments.

I'm having a semi-okay today I guess.

semi ok is better than bad!
I'm doing ok.

[amante]

Babysteps.,
I hope that you find the strenght to put the first step in place. do you have support from your family and friends?
I hope so.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

"Just do it" in my opinion is cheap advice.

how does one "just do it"?

It's not that simple.

I've had agoraphobia for years and "just going out" isn't the answer. I had to gradually take baby steps. Had to feel my feelings gradually not all at once.

then I could recover.

Billi

[skeksi]

I think this was the key point of the advice:

Originally Posted by VickiesPath

The key is, you are in control. You don't have to do it all at once. You can go slow enough to where you don't have to feel out of control and start spiralling. With your T's help, identify one tiny step, one small movement toward facing part of your avoidance that you believe that you could handle. Make a decision to face it and do it. You will succeed and probably feel much relief and a little more confident. Then, plan the next step. And so on.

[Perna]

One thing I try to remember is I don't have to do everything all at once. Just moving in the direction I want to go can help.

My T and I agreed to terminate (we were both going to retire) and had over a year and a half timeline! However, the idea of leaving T/terminating was not something I could tolerate thinking about/dealing with at all at first. So, whenever I'd get anxious, all I could do was remind myself over and over, "we're not terminating today; it's not happening now."

You only have to get through a current moment, not be "cured" yet. Remind yourself when you think of something upsetting that it's not "now" and it's just "thought". That was my second step toward termination, I began to think and then talk a little about it because it wasn't "now". Thinking/talking is just words and words are not action.

But it was from talking to another and learning to "share" fears and discuss them that most of the help from my T came. It's not so scary or lonely if you feel someone understands and is "there" with you. Learning to share and let my T be with me and sitting with my fears were what got me over most of them (and/or showed me I could do something about them, help myself).

The initial work is just "seeing" what is there, how big it is, what it's made of, how it works, etc. None of that is the real deal, it isn't happening "again". It's a little bit like dreams where you have "monsters" and have to face them and stand up to them before they and the bad dreams will go away.