Confused and flustered

I am a bit...overwhelmed and confused here latley

I have been having lots of memories concerning the car wreck I was in about four years back, it was originally why I started therapy.

I keep having flashbacks to the carwreck, I thought I had really worked and processed all the trauma from it. Maybe I didn't? I'm not understanding why now, it isn't near the anniversry of the accident.

I keep flashing back to being in the passenger seat and watching my grandmother die, listening to her weeze and tell me everything is okay. I keep remebering how sickly hot the day was and how I kept screaming after the wreck.... being tossed from ambulance to ambulance and sitting in the hospital room waiting for my parents to get there, how the state trooper wouldn't look me in the eyes everytime I asked how my grandmother was while she was questioing me about the wreck. The blood stain in front of the er doors, and how when I was sitting in the ambulance the medic turned the radio off when my grandmother's name came over it.

I havne't thought of those things in years, this year will be the five year annviersry, I thought I had made peace with it, I went to my grandmother's grave four or five times this year, and last year was the first time I was ever able to go to her grave since the funeral.

Maybe it's interlooping to the truama work I am doing in therapy? My abuser stayed with us during the funeral, and slept in the living room on the couch which is right next to my room.......

I just feel so flustered and fatigued over it all, and when I have those flashbacks to teh accident I want to scratch my eyes out, it's like I"m back in that passenger seat watching it all over again, I watn to cry and scream and hurt myself all at the same time. I try to just roll through the emotions and let myself have them and so far it's been okay, I havent' hurt myself and have been able to float through the mometns. but it leaves me so...hollow feeling.......and so lost...

Your guess it might be interlooping with your therapy work sounds right to me; have you had a chance to ask your T what might be happening?

Sometimes hard subjects take a rest for a bit; one's physical/mental body can only take so much (my T explained it to me when I was wishing to cry myself to death and she explained how that's physically not possible, you just stop crying eventually for a bit). So maybe you did all your work and that was "right" for that time and you worked on something else and sort of rested and now are going for phase II, harder or deeper but now you're stronger.

Good luck. Sounds hard. {{{Typo}}}

PTSD loves to play tricks with a person. At least that is what I have found.
Many of the tramatic events in my life never caused problems until my PTSD was triggered. Then everything came rushing back to cause flashbacks.
I know how tramatic an car accident can be. One of my worst flashbacks (nothing to do with the final trigger) involves the events of the accident.

I still have flash backs to the day that I lost my son. I used to be overwhelmed by it, but now those feelings are my way of honoring my love for him. The hurt inside is a memorial to him and I don't fear that anymore. I have learned to know that is love, not mourning. I am sorry all the other memories are so bright but she must have meant a lot to you, to love her so much, to not be able to let go of it sometimes. Love is a good thing. I wish it were easier to see it through everything else. But it's your love for her that keeps that memory alive. Try to keep it about that if you can. I wish you peace.

(((((Typo))))) I agree with everyone above. I find that current stress in my life can sometimes activate old stress & thoughts. I thought I had pretty much dealt with my childhood SA until this past year when my abuser's daughter (my niece) announced her engagement and impending wedding. The whole year of that taking place was horrible for me: memories and my PTSD acting up again. My healing process has lasted all my life. It takes a break sometimes, comes back in different forms, with different emotions. I learn better coping skills as time goes on and that helps. I haven't found anything that's been a magic pill for happy endings or a total end to traumatic memories. More like peeling an onion, layer after layer after layer. It may not feel good, but I learn something from each layer that pops up.

((((((( Typo )))))))

((((((((((Perna)))))))))))) ((((((((((((Secret)))))))))))) (((((((Ascesion)))))))) (((((((((Pomegrante))))))))) (((((((Byzantie)))))))))

Thank you all for your kind responses, I think ti's something that I thought I had laid to rest, but it isn't completely dealt with yet, I loved my grandmother very much and have found myself thinking of her more and more often here lately. I also had last summer some things come up about abuser staying with us during that time peorid, how much of what I've recalled is real or a nightmare I don't know ( I was highly medicated at the time, I don't remember most of that week following the car accident)

May you find peace.

I so understand where you are coming from. After years of therapy in my 20's, I suddenly was back to ground zero again at 44. I felt that I had traveled so far to only realize I had be walking through a dark labyrinth to end up right back where I had started from - going in an endless circle which led only to the pain I was trying to escape. And while I have again started on the path that I hope will lead to recovery - I still don't totally understand why I have been pushed back into the pain that I thought I had escaped but I know I there. I will prevail and hope the same for you!

I had flashbacks for about 3 years after I left my abusive ex. I was in regular therapy and had dreams about him constantly. I was Dx with hypervigilance which is like being overly scared of everything; thinking that there is a guy hiding behind my mailbox to attack me....silly stuff like that. I asked my T and he said that it was my brain's way of working through it. I wouldn't have gotten over it without my T but he said that those things would continue for a while. I couldn't have sex without bawling my eyes out and still can't do certain things with my bf. Luckily he understands but it is really horrible to get flashbacks years later. Honestly I'm not sure how the hypervigilance stopped. I guess talking it out with my T helped me a lot.

Just know we are all here for you. We will try to help you find the technique that works best for you. For me I had to physically talk myself out of it. If I started having flashbacks or hypervigilance I had to literally say aloud "Jess, you are being dumb. There is no guy waiting to attack me" or "You know he is not here. You know he is not going to hurt you."

He also told me to not give in to those feelings. I used to always check my backseat convinced someone had broken into my car and was just waiting for me. So he said do not give in to those feelings. If I had an impulse to check something or a flashback I had to force myself to think about something else. That really helped. And yes, I even spoke to myself in public lol

How are you doing, Typo?

I am doing better today, I am a bit disapointed because of road conditions I couldn't make my T appointment, I was looking foreword to discussing this issue and a few other things that transpired over the weekend. But the flashbacks seem to be becoming less and less, I'm still curious as to what could have triggered it...

((((((((((((((Byzantine))))))))))))))

Great to hear.

Sorry you couldn't get to your T, I hope the road conditions get better so you can reschedule that appt. good luck.

((((((((((((( Typo ))))))))))))))))
Wow. I feel honored that you shared this part of you on PC and I read it and see a bit more about you. Thank you a from my heart.

My advice is to scream... to cry... to feel it. Go to a safe room alone where you can shout as loudly as you want to without being asked if you are OK.
The truth is you are not OK. And it is OK to not be OK with this pain.
There are things about my life that I just sometimes remember and when I do - I need to shout it out at the top of my lungs!!!! I need to SHOW my soul is on fire and allow the tears to pour out of me.

And hon, please let me share with you something a close friend told me when I was grieving my fiancee's death "Never wipe away honest tears. Let them fall to the ground. When we wipe away the tears, we are saying they do not belong on our face. That is shame and guilt. When we cry from our soul over these types of things, those tears are as pure as untouched snow."

Big big tender very safe arms around you.

Hi Typo -

Your story has some similarities to mine. I feel for you because I know how absolutely miserable it can be.

I too was abused as a child. I didn't really fully understand the abuse until I was about 26 (32 now). And this was 7 years after I was in a terrible car accident in which myself and others were severely injured. I was the driver and I felt so much guilt even though I was hit head on by a drunk driver.

When I was 26 I started into therapy after going through a divorce and a period of drug use. It was only then that I truly started to understand my feelings. I've never been diagnosed with PTSD but I think that it is surely a good possibility. I think it might help me to just put a name to it.

Then about 2 years ago my brother was in a serious car accident. He didn't die but 4 people in the other car did. Once again my life took another jagged turn. I have been having flashbacks since then. Flashbacks of my childhood, of my car accident, my drug & alcohol use, and other poor decisions I've made.

I don't have the answers on how you get through this. I wish I did! However, I know that prayer has greatly affected my life. It has helped me to understand that God did put me here for a reason and that everything has happened for a reason.

Maybe you and I can chat sometime. I think we may have a lot in common and maybe we can be support for one another.

Thinking of you!!! Take care!!! Your story made me feel not so alone out here. Thank you.

((((((((((amante)))))))))) thank you for your kind and encouraging words hun

(((((((((wpowers))))))Thank you for sharing that about the tears, It's always a joy to have your support

(((((((((Tiredofbadfeelings)))))))))thank you so much for sharing your story with me, it too made me feel less alone, please feel free to stop by and send me a pm anytime