was just triggered into a memory LARGE TRIGGER

Knives. I used to keep a big butcher knife in my painter's pants pocket to protect myself from my brother who was incredibly abusive and cruel. I never was brave enough to use it. I did threaten him once that if he got any closer I would. He used to beat the crap out of me, almost kill me. He had a murderous rage.

As a young adult I never allowed knives into the home because of this fact and that knives were used to kill my animal friends in front of me the whole time I was growing up. They scared me. Memories of slit throats etc.

As the years have passed I guess I now have an average supply of knives in the home. I have never used them to S.I., nor have any of my family members been threatened or hurt by them purposefully.

Just when I see a memory cross like that it is horrid. Sometimes it crosses and I forget it and just tell myself that was history. Today it was so big that I am having vivid red memories and would like someone to now take them away please.

Okay, yes, this is a memory and it is in the past. No one is hurting people or animals with knives now. He is not here and I don't even wear painter's pants anymore.

((((( wisewoman )))))

I know just how horrible and real those memories are. I'm sorry they still haunt. I'm sorry it happened at all.

There's room for you under my umbrella. It won't protect either one of us but it could be nice just to hang out awhile...



Petunia

(((hugs)))) Flashbacks are tough, no doubt about it. It's only good point is that the brain is working on putting it in it's place forever.