[Can't Stop Crying]

he took the best of me to satisfy himself and now there is nothing good left. as I travel this road, that I did not choose, I'm finding more and more of me is gone. This is supposed to be part of the healing process? why does it have to hurt so much?

What does your therapist say?

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

What does your therapist say?

He says I should try to find others who have been through similar circumstance, others who can relate, others who have had these thoughts/feelings and been able to overcome.

That is why I'm here - at PC

My T thought I would benefit from feedback from others who had "been there" and that it would help me not feel so alone

Sometimes I feel like I don't belong in this site - like I'm intruding in a private club where I was not invited...

I tried a Survivors of Abuse group and left in tears, T suggested something online would make me feel safer.

I know what T says, I'm looking for support/understanding from others

If I have intruded in others private sanctuary, please tell me. The last thing I want to do is invade others safety.

[invisigirl]

you are not intruding at all..

it is SO hard to process it all, isn't it? i often feel the same. that they took all that was good of me to satisfy themselves and now i'm left with nothing. i often hear in my head 'my happiness is irrelevant. i am irrelevant. i don't exist.'

here's my interpretation: because they came to steal ourselves from us, we had to die in order to survive. now that we are free from them physically, we need to free ourselves mentally. we need to process and properly mourn the one who had to die so that we can now live. somewhere under all the rubble is the new us who wants to come out. but we need to clear away all that rubble so that it is safe.

take care. you are dealing with SO much right now between your own trauma processing and your son not being well... be gentle with yourself and remind yourself that despite the turmoil in your life right now - you are safe.

Hello again, Can't Stop Crying. Do you think printing your posts for your therapist would help? Does your therapist know all that is going on? It seems to me you would benefit from more help than you are getting.

Good luck.

[Michah]

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

he took the best of me to satisfy himself and now there is nothing good left. as I travel this road, that I did not choose, I'm finding more and more of me is gone. This is supposed to be part of the healing process? why does it have to hurt so much?

CSC,

I do not know your situation, but I can glean a basic understanding from your post here.

This person did not take the best from you.....they took what was not theirs to take seeing as you were not willing to give it. The best of us ALWAYS belongs to us, UNLESS we give it freely and without compunction to others. NO-ONE can take this from you without your permission. In saying this, I am certainly not undermining the fact that he took something from you, and that is NOT your fault.

What I am trying to convey here (sorry I have a hard time getting to the point) is that something happened to you that was deeply traumatising and most likely violating. I will take a leap here and say that what he "took" from, among other things maybe, is your "spirit". The spirit is the most resilient thing we can possess. The spirit can be downtrodden and misused, dirtied and tattered, BUT the spirit always grows back to its wholeness, its natural state, and that natural state is pure and unconditional love for self....

This takes much work and healing and healing is always painful. The spirit cannot do it alone. It needs you to look within and take the time to heal. You must take the power back from this man, from this mans spirit.....for it is his unwholesome spirit that needed to take some of your wholesome spirit, if that makes sense. Imagine whatever it is that he has taken from you and visually bring it closer. It will be very painful and sad......but the more of your spirit that you bring to you, the more freedom you will have and the EMPOWERMENT you will gain.....

When the spirit is whole, forgiveness follows, and love reigns. I am not saying that there will not be sad and bad days, but you will know them for this and give your spirit a big old hug This is not for him, but for YOU!

This is also a journey that I find myself on. I needed to forgive my mother, so I could be at peace and bring my spirit together.

You are loved most dearly, every moment of everyday. Believe me dear person, the best is yet to come. I BELIEVE it.

Take very good care of self. Look within, to the spirit. Your spirit.

Michah

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Does your therapist know all that is going on?

Yes, he does. I truly believe he has my best interest at heart. He is the first person I ever trusted with my entire story (almost). His concern is that no matter how hard he tries to understand, he has never experienced circumstances related to mine. He hears me, he validates me, but he thinks it would benefit me to have someone to relate to from "reality" rather than from a "textbook". (hope that makes sense) He has kept me alive when I didn't think I could make it one more night, he has supported me through hell and back, sometimes he is at a loss for words....

[Can't Stop Crying]

more to the above...I have so much more respect for someone (like My T) who can empathize but doesn't pretend to understand what it feels like. I respect honesty and his ability to admit that some things he just doesn't understand. I have had plenty of T's who pretend they know what I feel like, but I can see right through them

[Sannah]

No, he didn't take anything. I still see you and what I see is very good....

[lynn P.]

(((Can't Stop Crying))) - when an abused person opens up and tells their story, it's very painful. Think of the abuser as a bacteria - it invaded you and if left untreated, it festers. When you finally tell, this opens up old wounds and this is a painful process which eventually leads to healing but can seem overwhelming at times.

I agree getting online support can help but you need to do it cautiously. Too much ruminating isn't in your best interest and you might also get triggered sometimes. Most of the work needs to come from your great therapist. You deserve and hopefully will come to claim that lost inner child. You're in my prayers and you're welcome here.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Lynn - maybe you are right. I truly believed I had dealt with the worst of it until it blindsided me here recently. I want it to be done...for good. Maybe I'm rushing things to get this over with....