Just a question...

I'm not looking for a diagnosis but this issue could answer a few holes, :
Is it possible to 'bury' the memories of an event? As I'm older I can avoid all the triggers for it, but it could very well find the source, if you get me?

Burying is probably not the best way to deal with the issue, but I'm sure you already know that.

Looks like there's some medical approaches like U0126.

It's not "burying" as much as removing their emotional impact, but that's just as good, I figure?

Is that what you were thinking of?

Not sure I get you, but yes events can be buried, I am de-cluttering and came across some paper work that seemed to remind me of an event I do not remember.

It seems that we can ignore little bits, some we bury completely and others we can have daily reminders. Avoid triggers in a conscious way is a good technique, yet to avoid for the sake of avoiding does not help in the long run as you do not give yourself the power of choice. If you get me. I often do not get me.
G

I'm confused. But also want to point out - I prefer to put these memories behind me. They are never going to be pleasant, and I have to accept that it's in the past. I wish they wouldn't crop up again from time to time

Well, we cant really bury anything. And we cant just shove something in the past either. We have to make sure that we understand it first. We have to not just see the event but really understand what it meant why it happened and the meaning of it. And we also have to understand how it made us feel and justify our feelings understand why we reacted to it the way we did and make sure that it is settled in our mind. It is only then that we can file it as a memory that has been addressed and understood. Otherwise it will come up again.

It is also important to understand that if we are tramatized again, it can bring up the other event or events. So, the healthiest thing we can do is not just shove it or bury it. We really have to understand it first. If we cannot really look at it and see why and how it effected us and that it may even control us in some way, by hidden anger, fear, guilt, shame, confusion, and even lack of self esteem. Then burying it is not good or healthy, saying that it is just in the past is no different.

People are often effected in ways by an event that they truely don't realize. And guess what, I am one person who has realized that and it took me a long time to realize that. Truely understanding how an event effected you is very important.
And it is very important that you have a GOOD THERAPIST, when you decide to really address it. And if they don't help you, then FIND ANOTHER ONE. Dont just assume that if a therpist is running you around or just sits there and listens that is enough, you need to understand what it really means. Unless you get to that point, you havent gotten the right help, don't give up, keep trying.

Open Eyes

The thing is, even if I try to remember the event, I can only recall a summary and not the specific details. Yet its effects and most importantly affects lasted a full five years on, evolving into a spiral. I can't think of anything previous that caused it. I haven't been back nor spoke to any of the six people originally in that room, some of whom I can't even remember there names.

It feels like I've been lucky enough to bury the whole 'event' and while 'it' maybe the domino, it's affects are certainly more pressing.

I think your mind/brain will keep much of the details from your conscious mind until you are ready and able to handle them???? If it's a cause of PTSD, they don't go away on their own, but yes you can bury them for a long time ... until.....

Please seek expert help if this becomes a problem with your regular living...

Not being rude, but if my conscious mind, was trying to protect me, why has it allowed more serious thoughts? If the actual 'event' isn't the trigger, as I've always thought it was, then what is it? Because I can't point out one specific day afterwards that would be more trigger inducing than the 'event'...

Are there really times where you can understand WHY it happened?
It usually is through no fault of our own; there usually is no positive to take away from the situation

first question is regarding your use of effect and affect.

here effect is when something happens that is caused by something... example a coat smelling like cigarette smoke after its been in a room with someone smoking. the affect is the coat smelling and the cause of that effect is being left in a room while someone was smoking a cigarette.

Here affect means having false feelings for something. example someone pretending to be sad when they actually feel happy.

So are you saying some sort of trauma happened. after the trauma happened you felt nothing but for 5 years you pretended to feel something about it. then that pretending to feel something for it spiraled out of control. now though you may have buried the memory, your pretending to feel something about is is causing you distress?

if Im reading you correctly the solution is easy but actually doing it is hard. if pretending to feel something (affect) is bothering, stop pretending. it will take alot of work by stopping yourself from pretending to feel things you dont feel about the trauma but every time you acknowledge your lack of affect (lack of feelings) the easier it will get. focus on things you can feel.. that will stimulate your body and senses to begin to feel things again on its own when its the right time.

I know a lot of survivors who go through lack of affect and dont want to appear to be strange so they pretend everything is ok. but like you they discover pretending to be ok eventually does go out of control. the key for them was entering therapy and working on what ever happened. that doesnt mean going in great detain all the time. it just means going over what you do remember and forgiving yourself for how ever you reacted at the time and for what ever happened because its not the victims fault.

To an extent, yes I can understand why it happened. While it wasn't my fault, the other people in the room weren't old enough to understand that people learn common tasks at different speeds. If I remember, when we came home, my parents weren't supportive - though I shall never put any blame on them - so that didn't help either...

Wanna add my 2 cents. My early days were a constant stream of "events." However, I can only remember a few. Some of the "bigger ones." After one particularly bad experience in a public restroom I completely "buried" that episode immediately afterward (went back & played with my friends & never mentioned it to anyone - I was 6) - only to have it suddenly re-emerge when I was in my 30's. Again, I was in a public restroom - doing what you do in there. And the vision of that event came back so suddenly & with such force that I actually turned around to see if anyone was behind me...

And, of course - addressing something else that was said - I also "buried" my reaction to that re-living. Back then that's what I did. I've spent 57 years "burying" the ghosts of the past - and their effects on me.

Not until therapy did I go back and examine - sorta re-live those events. (In a SAFE environment with my T) Quite traumatic & painful. My T encourages that little boy to come back out and tell her how hurt he was back then - and how he's been in hiding all the years since.

And, yes, triggers are everywhere!! To this day, if my wife gets the least bit "annoyed, or upset" about something - even something completely that has nothing to do with me - I'm triggered to run and hide.

Don't know if I answered your question or not. My T tells me the only way out is through... Wish there was an easier way!! Somebody else told me that when we bury stuff, we bury it alive. Sounds about right... GOOD LUCK!!

amandalouise,
Yes, I can see your point, good post.
And Yes sugahorse, there are times when you can understand the whys. It all depends of the situation of abuse or even the way one is raised that may cause perception problems that we may not realize.

For example, sometimes children are raised by a person who is very self absorbed and has personal issues. So, the child can be constantly re-inforced with the fact that they are more of a bother and should not express their issues or concerns or even questions. So what can result from this is the child may become trained to be self absorbed. The problem with this is the young brain has not learned problem solving and the process of proper interaction. There fore that part of the brain is not cultivatied. And because of this the now grown up person has developed into someone that has problems dealing not only with others but they often feel guilty as they are self absorbed and lack certain skills.

Now as far as children that grow up in abusive situations, well, they often never achieve not only the love and affection of a parent, including the feeling of safety, but they also are not rewarded and my often not know how to attain happiness. Perhaps they may even have been denied happiness so their perception of it is very off. Happiness is then something that is hard to accept and can feel very uncomfortable to an individual.

When we have troubles and sit with a therapist we look back to see possible areas where we did not get the proper guidance as our brains grew and developed. Once we can recognise these areas than we can begin by learning how to accomplish these lost aspects. It can take a lot of time to learn how to accept happiness and even comfort as, well, we never learned it.

So it is not just about back tracking to an event necessarily. It is also backtracking in how an event affected us. It can be very involved.

Suga, a trainer came out and helped me work with a horse. She stated that if a certain process did not take place in the training of the horse then there was no foward process. Inevitably one eventually has to go back and address the missing part of the training process. It made a lot of sense to me as I watched a horse learn something that had been previously left out. I have to say it was very interesting to see. And I couldn't help but think about how that transfers to humans as well.

When someone does not have the right envoirnent for thier brain to grow and understand all the different ways of slowly understanding how to proceed thru life, well, they have difficulty and they really don't realize why.

I hope that makes sense as I have been inturputed three times while writing this.

Ok, if you look at Lava's response. He is a perfect example of leaving things out and reaching back to a boy that had no way of dealing with an abusive situation. And that boy had no way of even discussing it for may years until he went there with a therapist. So what Lava has been doing is really learning how to work on this area with a new way of perception that he was never given as a child. Well, the fact that he is triggered now, by someone getting upset around him, that is further evidence of what he was never allowed to learn growning up. It was missing in the development of his brain. Very sad to see this. But the fact that he is now learning it, figured out the whys here, well, now he has something to learn, ways of coping that he never had before. Before he just hid it all, not knowing what to do about it.

Open Eyes

Thanks OpenEyes.....I think!

No, I got ya. That little boy had no coping strategies. He wasn't SUPPOSED to have any, and nobody taught him any. He only knew that when somebody got mad, he was hurt - physically or emotionally. There was no opportunity to learn that Mommy and Daddy might get upset at something he did, but that didn't have to mean he would be thrown across the room. They could just be upset with him without the physical threat.

And he never got to "cope" with being in a loving environment. To see affection between his Mom & Dad. To hear them say "I love you" to each other - and have it said to him. He only knew that "home" meant the threat of violence, even when it wasn't there, the threat was always present. So "home" became a NOT safe place.

And when he went out into the world he found that it wasn't safe there either. Through experiences, both those not of his making - or his fault - and as he got older, in the lifestyle he led.

And through it all he absolutely learned to keep it all a secret. To NOT let anybody know. Of the danger and the damage done. For fear if he let somebody close they'd hurt him too. And because he was ashamed of himself for being so broken.

But the "grown-up" is looking back on those years thru the eyes of a man. He's showing his T the hurt and the damage done as it effects his life today. And she's giving him strategies to cope with his life today. To learn how to accept kindness & to be kind in return. And she's assurring him IT WASN'T HIS FAULT. And that all he's ever wanted to be was loved - and to love in return.

And he's getting better....

I've never had any triggers, or re-occurrence of the event, even talking about it for like the first time in around 10yrs...
Ah well here's a cruel story, imagine being trapped between no trust of a D, secretly hiding, while desperately hoping for a T, any T, unable to ask D for the referral he needs.
I could roll off at least 5 different conditions that fit, without an inch of certification.

Hi Brent,
Well, you don't always have to experience flashbacks and sometimes we do have triggers and are totally unaware of them. I went that way for years, suddenly getting upset of overwhelmed, and not realizing something had triggered that feeling.
I seriously didn't get it.

You don't need to have your doctors ok to see a therapist you know. My doctor has never referred me to a therapist.

As far as rolling off 5 different conditions that may fit, perhaps write them down and find a therapist on your own and see if you can make an appointment to discuss that list. And yes we can read symptoms that are within other disorders that may seem to fit, however PTSD has many symptoms to it. PTSD can be mild, but can also get worse if left untreated. I now know that I have probably had it for many years and just didn't know it. Well I certainly addressed all the red flags with different therapists and they never mentioned the diagnosis, they said I just probably had some depressive disorder, well, yes that is a part of PTSD daaaa.

Looking back to be honest with you, I am quite baffled that what I told therapists didnt ring loud bells, um child abuse, rape, dealing with an alcoholic husband for years. Gee, sounds like the right recipe to me. For me my latest inncident was the major vessel that really caused the most harm as one big trauma can bring everything all together.

Open Eyes

You mean go private? I hadn't thought of that. Although, the prices may put me off. Personally, I'm at the point where if I could find a T, I'd be ready to sacrifice my current career and talk. Yet the system here only allows a referral from my D (Whole bag of problems there) or admittance after a crisis - which I'm not there yet.
I'm just so tired after all these years...

Well, you can see if the therapist has a sliding scale. That is what I ask, but I don't have health insurance. But maybe you could find one that can help without going through the red tape.

As far as the price, well, if you get help than it would be worth it. It could put your mind at ease.

Open Eyes

Well, seeing as I don't have a T, I'll hope they put prices online...
Thanks anyway

Hi Brent,
In my searches, I didnt see prices on line. Make sure you find one that specializes in PTSD so you don't get handed some wrong diagnosis. The most current ones I have didn't ask how much I make for a living etc. I called myself, I did get names from other therapists so also ask that too when you call. Just explain a little of your history and your concerns and ask if they have a sliding scale. Some of them do have that sliding scale and just take payments with each visit.

My guess is that something has triggered your history or PTSD to set in and that may be why you are struggling. It is amazing how just some confirmation and understanding therapy can help so much. The sooner you treat it the better for you.

My problem was being misdiagnosed and that made it so much worse. I am still very angry about that, so make sure it is a therapist that really knows about PTSD. I cannot stress that enough.

Ease up on yourself, take time out and care for yourself ok?

Open Eyes

I think I've made the wrong impression, I originally was trying to find the source of everything, which was this 'event' I'd almost completely forgotten about, which got me thinking why & how. While I'm certain that there's some form of PTSD it's not the main priority, that probably goes to my query Autistic/ASP/SP/BDD/dysthymic pentagon of diagnostic confusion. It's a total headache, but at my age I'm so frustrated at missing out on what I want to do, because of one of those five...

Ok, I am not a therapist, but it sounds like you are diagnosing yourself. That is not a good idea. I do know that with PTSD, I was misdiagnosed. Now I don't know the event your talking about. But I do know that early childhood events can lead to trouble concentrating in school and paying attention and many other things. Even anxiety issues can come from PTSD, so I strongly suggest you leave the diagnosing to a professional. I think you were the one that had VA issues and did well for many years. Well, PTSD can be a limiting factor in ones life, without the person knowing.
Even missing out on what you want to do, it can be PTSD talking, it is a very complicatied disorder. It is known as a depressive disorder but also has anxiety and trouble concentrating and obstaining from doing things and not understanding why.
There is a lot to it. Hey, I am learning more and more, to be honest so are psychiatrists and psycologists.

So again, you need to see a specailist that can help you figure this out. And my recomendation for chosing someone WHO REALLY UNDERSTANDS PTSD, is very important. Other wise you could end up being misdiagnosed and that would not be avantageous for you.

Open Eyes

Not sure I'm understanding you either. If you're asking if events can be buried - then I'd say yes. My T explained it to me as the psyche's way of protecting us from things that theaten us. But I didn't take it as a conscious decision that this happened - sort of like a built in defense mechanism the brain has. I didn't take her to mean that we consciously have the ability to make the decision to bury something. At least I can't. Don't know about others. I didn't understand her to mean that burying is something we have control over - just as we have no control over when they might resurface!! She said they can come back at any time. In dreams - at the grocery store - in my case a public restroom. Said something might trigger the emotional experience of the event and there it is... ready or not!

Don't know if that's anywhere near what you mean or not. Hope it helped. Good luck!!