[REEG]

So. I'm not going to church thi am. I haven't been in quite a while but today I felt the need to go. Had some CSA happen at my small. Church It has helped significantly not being in the bldg with flashbacks, etc but I miss the community. Have gone to a series of other churches but today I want to go to MY church. And it probably is not a good idea to go impulsely so for today I won't. But I'm sad and angry and lonely. Urrgh.

[Perna]

Do you have friends at your church Reeg that you can call and talk with today, ask about the service or have come over this week and connect with? Maybe you could join a Bible study or something other than the actual church service that is a little different from where/how you experience the flashbacks?

[Travelinglady]

Hey, Reeg. I saw your "headline." I suffered some post-traumatic stress at a series of churches and am going to work with my current T to see if I can get past it. One T just couldn't deal with it or something, because she finally said that I basically needed to just get over it. The thing is: I was a pastor's wife! Feel free to share more on this thread or send me a PM, because I would like to hear more about it, and maybe we can even help each other!

[(JD)]

I think the idea of being with those who go to your church without being "in a service" is a good idea.

I won't elaborate here because I know you do have a connection between church and your PTSD, however, I think "church" and PTSD have issues without any event there. JMPOV perhaps. (Any expected large social group etc...and PTSD)

[REEG]

Thanks everyone. I have been back and forth on how to engage with church for the last ten years. Lots of details I won't bore you with. Suffice it to say that the church is small enough to have similar dynamics to an extended family. When I posted it was a way to deal with the impulse in a way I wouldn't regret.That did help! I'd like to PM, not sure how to do that on my mobile phone though. I'm sure its easy to do on a regular PC I'll try and figure that out this week

[(JD)]

I sure do understand completely!

PS I sent you a PM via my iPhone... let me know if you don't receive it... first time I had looked for and found that option.

[REEG]

So, the final clsoing service was at Easter, there is a potluck on Sunday. I won't be there due to being out of town at a family event. This is the right decision, I think but I am feeling sad. T asked if part of it is I am hoping to go there and have things just 'resolved' Maybe... but it is also the loss of a community, and extended family. Sometimes, i just don't know if T gets the centrality of my home church in my life.

[Hunny]

Potlucks make me feel more lonely sometimes...standing or sitting...miss the or wish for some connection at a church too...but don't think it's going to change...despite the longing for it. I'm just different, I need authenticity, either that or I need to put on protective armour...and then what is the point of that! All the best.

[REEG]

Hey Hunny- sorry you are struugling with this as well. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone!

[Missingno]

Try going to the youth program offered there, if there is one.