Childhood abuse

i was abused sexually physically emotionally and verbally for 10 by a guy that my mom was married to. I still get flash backs and paranoid that he will make good on his promise if i told the authorities. Lately my symptoms have been worse not only for PTSD but also my bipolar i don't know if they are connected in anyway. I honestly thing that my symptoms have gotten worse lately because i'm realizing that this man is no longer on probation so nothing is really holding him back from finding me. I haven't been able to sleep i've been having nightmare that i haven't had since i was a kid. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. But i don't allow myself to cry because i feel that it will only make matters worse by bringing up even more bad memories. Right now i'm at a loss i don't know what to do to just get through the day.

Hi Skeeter89, and welcome to the forums.

Sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time right now. It sounds like the sleeplessness from the PTSD may be making the bipolar worse. Even one night of lost sleep can send us off kilter. I know you said in another post that you can't afford treatment right now. I found a resource for you in your area. According to their website, some people without insurance may be eligible to receive services there. Please give them a call if you haven't talked to them already and see what they can do for you. If they can get you in to see someone, there are other programs available to help you pay for meds.

Network 180: http://www.network180.org/index.php/en/whoweare.html

Also, for medication assistance: www.needymeds.org

Again..welcome to PC.

Hi skeeter, i am so sorry that you had to endure that abuse. I know way more then i care to about childhood abuse , and ptsd... so at least to some extent i do understand (but everyone has a different story). I can totally see how your symptoms would get worse knowing that this guy is no longer on probation. I am assuming that he was on probation due to you being able to speak up and report him. I hope that youre able to get the help and rest that you deserve. With any luck whatsoever maybe some of dragonfly's websites will be able to give you some relief. Dont know what more to say , just wanted to let you know you are not alone...and there are people out here who care. ((((((skeeter)))))

I was talking with my best friend at the time and her mom and it came up in conversation i called him a pervert and next thing i know i'm in the police station filling out a report. My mom continued to lived with him for another 6 months it took her not being able to see me at all when he was present or had a right to be present. I'm not so sure that i will ever be able to put this to rest it will always be in the back of my mind. I have never gotten help for my ptsd i went through a lot of trauma therapy over the years it has helped in some aspects of my life but when i'm alone is when i'm at my worst i think going through all of that for all those years gave me more than just ptsd and i'm not on medication for anything right now and i really should be. most of my life i have been a welcome mat for them to wipe their feet all over i've gotten better with standing my ground and let myself take care of me instead of taking care of everyone else. not that long ago i learned that i really need to live my life for me instead of everyone else. Me being single really hasn't been helping my mood especially when i have my episodes it makes me feel more like a failure and that all those things that guy said to me is really true its been so long now that i don't even know how to go out and meet a woman these days other than online dating sites but i'm trying to get my bipolar managed as best i can so i can work on other things i need to work on