[pgrundy]

Lately I've been really irritated with the way victims of sexual trauma are made out to be mentally ill instead of, you know, victims of sexual trauma. It makes it easier for society to not look at how widespread sexual abuse is, how severe it can be, and how vulnerable children and women are to it. It's almost like, blame the victim. Not quite but almost.

My therapist is constantly reminding me that I had this traumatic past and now I have to deal with the fallout for the rest of my life. Seriously? I mean sometimes I wonder if that's even true. I've had long periods where I felt pretty good, and I've had some very tough times, but what human being can't say the same?

I guess I'm just objecting to the stigma, and am pushing against it lately.

Has anyone ever gone through this kind of anger? I take care of myself and have worked hard on recovery for years but I feel I still get talked down to sometimes by people who ought to be talking me up.

What do you think?

[Open Eyes]

Yes people do talk down to someone who has been abused. If someone has not experienced it pgrundy they just don't understand it.

I am glad to hear you are having a lot of up periods and have found ways to free yourself from the past. I am sorry for those times when others do not respect how far you have come, it happens to many survivors. It also happens to many people who struggle period. Perhaps we just get angry because we continue to be misunderstood. I can't blame you for that. Just understand that these moments will occur and continue to be very proud of how far you have come.

Open Eyes

[unaluna]

You make a very interesting and very valid point, pgrundy. Just because studies and statistics show that a percentage of people who have BPD were victims of childhood abuse, it does NOT follow that if you are a survivor of abuse, then you have a mental illness. Any medical personnel who has taken the most elementary math, logic, or language class, let alone social sciences, should be acutely aware of this.

[laceylu]

I could write a book on my anger over this. It does not matter if you tell them trauma or depression first, people esp mds treat you unfairly. It is like you are sent to another room or asked to sit at the back of the bus. My emotions maybe jumbled, but I am intelligent and I can tell if a person thinks I have "mental cooties". Oh well they do not get it and I am glad they do not because that would mean they have been hurt.

[I had no idea]

Yup, I agree with all of you. I love it when a docs office asks you if you're on any meds & you start listing them and you can see it in their faces....this girl is really messed up; I'm going to have to keep my distance. And just because you have a history of abuse or have PTSD, doesn't mean that you are irreversibly mentally ill and that you can no longer be a part of society. Thank goodness they do not make us wear signs on our bodies that we were abused and are now mentally ill.

[pgrundy]

Thanks for all your comments. It makes me feel better to know you all 'get it', that it just isn't me. I was telling my therapist about how I feel and she was like, "Well, anger is part of the healing process. Maybe you are angry this happened to you and you have to go through this."

I thought, yes maybe, but maybe I'm angry for the exact reasons I just explained--because everything gets twisted now to be about me having major depression/PTSD when I'm more than that, and when the people who hurt me continue to be held blameless and go about their lives like nothing happened. Geez, that would piss anyone off!

[Secret]

I think the attitude of others depends a lot on their experiences with PTSD. If they have worked with PTSD suffers for a long period, they tend to understand better.
An incident occurred to me that might illustrate this point. I was having a series of flashbacks and acting irrational so my family called an ambulance to take me to the hospital. One of the ambulance attendance (technically the paramedic) was totally afraid of me. The other one (the driver) was very understanding and supportive. The driver had friends with PTSD and understood the problem. (BTW this incident occurred because the doc I was seeing at the time put me on a med that I reacted badly to.)

[pgrundy]

Secret that is a good point.

I had a very similar experience in January. I'd been off meds since losing my job in 2008, and I knew I needed help and was very depressed. My longtime partner married me and put me on his insurance so I could get some meds, and because finances were an issue I went to my GP (big mistake) and asked for something generic.

Within a week I was off the charts manic and deep into a flashback/reaction to this drug that is very rare (about 1% of people taking it have it). I went back to the GP's office and they acted like I had the Plague. You could see the fear on their faces. They called the ER and told me to drive myself there or they'd have to have a police car come and take me. I wasn't threatening or violent, just very very manic and suicidal at the same time. By the time I got to the ER I thought I was back in 1967, it was so terrifying. They hospitalized me for 10 days and got my meds sorted out and made an appointment with my old psychiatrist who remembered me immediately and helped them to get me on the right meds.

It was my first and I hope only hospitalization, but now that it's on there I can't have a hangnail without the GP looking like she will pee herself. It's so unfair.

I guess I just have to get used to it and rise above, be proactive. But you nailed it. A lot of it has to do with how familiar people are with the illness.

Thanks for your post.

[pgrundy]

BTW now I know 1) never go off my meds no matter what happens or how tight money gets, and 2) never go to a GP for a psych condition, no matter what. They aren't really trained to help but they will try and it can make everything worse, and then we all feel bad.

[Astridetal]

I can relate to the stigma associated with trauma and especially abuse. While it is true that as people with PTSD or other trauma-caused conditions we need to learn to cope with our past, but it's not fair to look at victims as "crazy". By the way, I feel extremely uncomfortable with anyone being given the "crazy look", as a person who does have a a condition that is not cause d by abuse.

[Open Eyes]

Oh I totally understand about the GP. Going to my GP now is very hard for me he can actually be mean and I DO know that look. I have left there too many times crying. My last visit I changed doctors and asked for a doctor with a good beside manner. I sat in the waiting room completely stressed that the GP I had been seeing for many years would present himself or be upset.

When I finally was called and lead to an examining room and the new doctor came in with a trainee and asked if both of them could take care of me, Oh BOY, I quickly said, "NO, today is not a good day for that" and they kept asking, they didn't get it right away so that was uncomfortable until finally they got the message.
Then I was left alone in the examining room and I went into a really bad flashback where two boys pulled me into a shed and took off all my clothes, I was only three at the time and terrified. And I had been SA already by then and so I can remember wondering if these boys were going to hurt me. And in my flashback the two doctors were those boys. I couldn't believe it and was so frightened it took all my will to not just run out of that office. And the nurse and doctors looked at me like I was crazy. So I know that look and it is SO embarassing. And I couldn't just say, oh, sorry, I had a terrible flashback about you and the other doctor I didn't think they would get that at all.

I wanted so badly to tell them all why I was so upset. It was so hard, I just couldn't explain and again, left crying and embarassed. I never expected to have a flashback, I really hate when that happens, and I had not had one for a long time, I had been working so hard on that and thought I had finally gotten past that.

Open Eyes

[pgrundy]

Open Eyes, I can totally understand how that might trigger you. How horrible for you.

It's hard to find a GP at all these days let alone one who listens and isn't unpleasant or unduly rushed. I think that will get worse if the health care package ever kicks in. They say we've already got quite a shortage of GPs and family doctors. and for sure most of them don't understand psych issues and tend to blame everything on that. It's so frustrating.

[Open Eyes]

Yes pgrundy it is hard to find a good GP and that is why I continue to go back.
I did really like the one I saw but the way that visit went and how I unexpectedly faced all that stress and how I reacted really embarrassed me. He wanted me to see a cardiologist and get my heart checked but I haven't done anything. I did pass the test in his office under all that stress and my blood pressure has always been very good so I am sparing myself any doctors visits for a while.

I don't have a lot of trust when it comes to doctors and I do have good reason for that. I had a colonoscopy and my spleen was injured and no one knew it. I ended up in agony two days after the procedure and my husband drove me to the emergency facility close to us. I got in the door and my legs just gave out under me and my husband stood there and yelled at me like I was faking. Oh, I was so embarassed,
I was bleeding internally and ended up in the ICU at the hospital.
But no doctor would admit it happened during the colonoscopy, everyone ran and even my GP did not want to see me but I insisted and he finally admitted that I was injured and everyone ran afraid of being sued. I was literally abandoned and very frightened.

I have the worst luck sometimes. But I did go through life saving surgery and I am here so not all of it was bad. But even then I was really ill and no one believed me
and I was dieing and in agony and had to call an ambulance. They put me on a board and proceeded to carry me down my stairs and I did cry in pain and the ambulance personel yelled at me to shut up. I was probably only hours away from dieing. Story of my life, I get yelled at and picked on even when I am dieing?

Open Eyes

[notreal78]

We have survived our past the future IS the easy part. Stay strong and screw people who judge. people who look down on others are not big....it makes them VERY little!

[Open Eyes]

Thanks pgrundy, because I have been so misunderstood I have made it a point to try to research what it really known about PTSD. I happened across a informative site that discusses the new knowledge about how PTSD presents itself in the brain. And for anyone that is trying to understand it I strongly recommend this site www.giftfromwithin.org because you can watch Dr. Oshburg discuss what the new research is revealing and he also discusses hope for treatment that can truely help those that suffer from PTSD.

I truely wish that the doctors and even psychiatrists had mandatory requirements to keep abreasted of the new information about PTSD and how to identify the signs and new treatments. I happened across another forum called https://www.ptsdforum.org and while I didn't join it I did find the part of that site where the man who started this support site does explain how (especially in the US) many doctors and psychiatrists misdiagnose it and mistreat patients. This forum is dedictated to helping those that suffer a support system that helps them learn ways to improve their lives rather than allow themselves to be stuck in the PTSD. It was a very interesting site, very informative.

I honestly wish that someone would present a documentary that explains this horrible so misunderstood disorder/damage called PTSD. I know all too well the result of extreme helplessness and confusion that results from being misunderstood by doctors, psychiatrists and therapists as I have the records to prove it. I clearly displayed all the signs for all the stages of PTSD and was truely further tramatized and mishandled. This has to stop, a patient truely needs real support and understanding because they themselve are very confused and can even walk a very dangerous line.

To this day I have a very strong desire to revisit the doctors, psychiatrists and a therapist that misdiagnosed me and show them the data they should have kept up on in order to give me the correct treatment. Trust and proper care is extremely important to anyone suffering from PTSD and all those that suffer from it truely do NOT understand what it means and as the symptoms increasingly present themselves it is very upsetting and confusing.

Open Eyes

[Penny T. StDuhnam]

I don't know whether to applaud or cry.

Im going to click and read right now! I've been having a HORRIBLE few days and I find it comforting to try to learn and understand more.

TY

[Open Eyes]

Penny, if you have any questions about these sites you can talk about it. It is still taking me time to toss it all around in my mind, but I actually can feel a change. Just knowing that it is not my imagination really helps. If I can see the problem then I can think about ways to work on it better and think about fixing it.

Open Eyes

[likewater]

Open eyes, i'm going to click on that site right now too. I'm sorry that getting misunderstood .and wrong treatment just reopened wounds or at least i think it did. That' s what does with me.